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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

December 16, 2014 ·

Sanity Is Underrated

Uncategorized

“It’s okay to say ‘no’ to unnecessary crazy”- Unknown

When I read this quote, my heart gives a resounding ‘yes.’ I love the permission it gives us to value ourselves enough to say ‘no’ to the things that simply drain us.

Our culture is really good at selling us all the reasons why we shouldn’t do this, especially at Christmas. If you’ve grown up in our culture, you know what it’s like to feel the expectation of the season. Some of it is exciting and fun and beautiful. But some of it is a trap. It is fraught with comparison, scarcity, and pain. It will never be perfect, and boy, that hurts sometimes.

Let me share with you, I’m right there in the rat race with everyone else. Or at least, I’m tempted to be. This type of set up works great for a person who is a recovering perfectionist (not).

Unattainable goal + effort = discontentment

***

So lately, we’ve been talking a lot about keeping things simple. In our family, this means focusing on Advent. Letting ourselves feel the longing.  While we remember that Christmas and this world hold many beautiful and good things; we can sense there’s something more. And right now, all we can see is a glimpse of it. But there’s redeeming value in our expectation. 

The longing points us to the only one that can actually fill it.

This perspective provides relief in the midst of a world that deeply values image and perceived value instead of the true weight of the thing (this is where unnecessary crazy comes in, too).

But slowly, I am learning the value of things are in their core; the heart of it. And it also gives me the courage to get off the cycle of comparison and stick with what matters, and that’s definitely not the chaos the world is selling. 

Join me there, in the place where we choose peace over insanity? 

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Previous Post: « So it begins
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These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
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But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
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And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
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