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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

December 16, 2014 ·

Sanity Is Underrated

Uncategorized

“It’s okay to say ‘no’ to unnecessary crazy”- Unknown

When I read this quote, my heart gives a resounding ‘yes.’ I love the permission it gives us to value ourselves enough to say ‘no’ to the things that simply drain us.

Our culture is really good at selling us all the reasons why we shouldn’t do this, especially at Christmas. If you’ve grown up in our culture, you know what it’s like to feel the expectation of the season. Some of it is exciting and fun and beautiful. But some of it is a trap. It is fraught with comparison, scarcity, and pain. It will never be perfect, and boy, that hurts sometimes.

Let me share with you, I’m right there in the rat race with everyone else. Or at least, I’m tempted to be. This type of set up works great for a person who is a recovering perfectionist (not).

Unattainable goal + effort = discontentment

***

So lately, we’ve been talking a lot about keeping things simple. In our family, this means focusing on Advent. Letting ourselves feel the longing.  While we remember that Christmas and this world hold many beautiful and good things; we can sense there’s something more. And right now, all we can see is a glimpse of it. But there’s redeeming value in our expectation. 

The longing points us to the only one that can actually fill it.

This perspective provides relief in the midst of a world that deeply values image and perceived value instead of the true weight of the thing (this is where unnecessary crazy comes in, too).

But slowly, I am learning the value of things are in their core; the heart of it. And it also gives me the courage to get off the cycle of comparison and stick with what matters, and that’s definitely not the chaos the world is selling. 

Join me there, in the place where we choose peace over insanity? 

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Previous Post: « So it begins
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May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
🌿
If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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