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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

Try Softer gives us hope for a different way.

In a world that tells us that we’d better be crushing it or killing it if we want to make it, Aundi Kolber has a revolutionary approach—trying softer. With grace, wisdom and candor, Try Softer gives us hope for a different way—lives of connection and attention instead of competition and distraction. If you’re weary of trying so hard (who isn’t?) then try softer. You’ll be glad you did.

Nicole Unice
pastor, counselor, and author of The Struggle Is Real
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
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Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
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And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
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This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
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And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
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(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
For you, if you need it. 🪴 #trysofter #takewhatyo For you, if you need it. 🪴 
#trysofter #takewhatyouneed #exhale #loveyourneighborasyourself #selfcompassion 
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(Much gratitude to Jaiya John for this quote)
In trauma work, this is called “titration”—and it In trauma work, this is called “titration”—and it can be a vital posture to help pace ourselves when we’re faced with too much (whether from past trauma, current overwhelm or both).
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May you have what you need to take the smallest step in the right direction. 🫶🏻
#trysofter
#stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #nervoussystemwork #regulation
But here, may your shattered pieces be gathered; b But here, may your shattered pieces be gathered; back to yourself & back to your Creator.
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Here, may you know it makes sense to feel what you feel.
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You are & may still be passing through the valley of the shadow, so if all you can do is breathe...
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Then breathe.
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In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day // 
Supporting trauma survivors is suicide prevention 
❤️‍🩹✌🏻 
#trysofter #cptsd #grief #healing #stronglikewater
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(Originally written and shared in 2022 🫶🏻)
A few soft & fierce notes for you today. As always A few soft & fierce notes for you today. As always, take what you need.🌿
#trysofter #fierceselfcompassion #stronglikewater #cptsd #loveyourneighborASYourself
Whether it’s in a family, a romantic relationship, Whether it’s in a family, a romantic relationship, a church, a Netflix documentary (#MicaMiller), or a friendship—one of the goals of narcissistic abuse is to destabilize and disorient. 
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May you have what you need to come home to your God-given center.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #narcissisticabuse #cptsd 
Fawning
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