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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 5, 2015 ·

Leaning Into Hope

Uncategorized

I don’t know where you are coming from in your life right now, but I can tell you things have been getting real around here. As we dove into 2015, our family has had some big decisions to make and a lot of planning around what the year could look like.

Typically, I enjoy this. I’m a bit of a planner (at least a big picture person), but this year it has been particularly hard for me to sit down and “plan.”

To be very honest, I think it is mostly because I’m humbled over how little I have control of these days. Frankly, I kind of want to have a tantrum because it just feels unfair. Yes, there is an element of influence from me in our decisions and goals, but the older I get, the more I recognize how very small I really am.

It’s interesting that as a young child we developmentally understand the world to revolve around us. I guess it’s a good sign in terms of my maturity for me to continue to learn how little it actually does.

So it would be easy amid all of this to get a little negative, a bit frustrated. Because for a recovering perfectionist, this is hard news. It can even make me feel a little bereft because without my own ability to change the situation, I feel scared and vulnerable  But here is the thing that’s been whispering in my ear.

“…Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us” Romans 5:5

Hope. 

Where do I place my hope? No, really? Is it in myself and my ability to control or is it the only One who can give real hope? Ironically, the harder I try to make things “work,” the less that they do. I have found that when I lean in to this hope which does not disappoint, I can let go of the stuff which does disappoint. 

This last week in church we talked about the difference between experiential knowledge and rational knowledge. So often I think we discuss hope in terms of a rational knowledge. I logically believe my faith brings me hope, but experientially I often don’t.

I am learning that one of the primary ways we pursue experiential knowledge is to risk. When I cling to control, I have little reason to risk because control keeps me feeling “safe.” 

But when I yield control and recognize that while I have dreams and goals, there is One who is bigger than all of it, and in Him is my greatest hope. 

 

 

 

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It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
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God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
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*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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