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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 12, 2015 ·

Where the eyes go…

Uncategorized

“The car goes where the eyes go…”

— Garth Stein, “The Art of Racing in the Rain”

The above quote is from one of my favorite books, “The Art of Racing In the Rain.” If you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and check it out. The context of the quote is regarding driving a race car and understanding that on a race track, where a car goes at a ridiculously fast speed, the driver’s eyes will cause the car to go wherever their focus is. So if their eyes are on the guard rail they will go there, but if they are on the next piece of track then that is where the car will go.

Guess which focus tends to be most helpful?

I often use the above metaphor with clients and even in my own life, because the application of this principle goes far beyond the race track. I believe there is much truth for us in 2015. We live in a fast paced, intense world. It is often easier to define yourself by who you are not than who you actually are. It takes work to find out what “race track” you should be focusing on, but also stillness and occasional quiet. There is often more support to model what NOT to do, than the inverse. 

Does this sound familiar? 

I am not that kind of person.

We are not that kind of family.

We are not that kind of church.

We are not that kind of country.

So who am I? Who are we?

This is not an easy question to answer. We don’t necessarily wake up one day and recognize exactly what is behind these questions.

But here is what I do know: it is not effective to focus on what we are running away from in order to change who we are. 

So how do we move on from this? I believe that one of the most essential lessons from this simple concept is to quiet our soul and search out what is/could be our focus.

And, oh, is it worth it.

Because it is in this quiet place that I believe that our Creator speaks to us and gives us the gift of purpose. I love how the author of Hebrews puts this idea of where to focus here: 

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…”

— Hebrews 12:2a

The author of Hebrews is modeling for us this very idea. He is saying you are defined by your focus, not your lack. We are now defined by who Jesus is, not who we aren’t. 

And while Jesus is the big idea of the above verse, ultimately there is a trickle down effect for other principles in life as well. Meaning, it is always helpful to focus on the actual goal rather than the possible pitfalls.

So wherever you are in your life today, I pray you would have the courage to look up from your fears and focus on your calling. 

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Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need #trysoft Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #trauma #healanyway
It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear frie It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear friend, Dr. Alison Cook, as she releases her brand new book, “The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn’t Come Easy” (and the companion book too!🎉)
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Dr. Cook, (or Alison, as I’ll call her now ;) is not only someone that I admire & respect professionally, but she has become a trusted real-life friend. Through this last several years, I’ve especially appreciated our kindship as we traverse the rewarding, interesting (and sometimes very complicated) world of being a public facing therapist, author, and speaker. 
🌿
Alison asked if I would be willing to endorse her newest offering, and it was a great privilege to do so, here’s what I said: 
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Written in the impactful tradition of books like “Hinds Feet On High Places,” Dr. Alison Cook offers us a stunning parable about the sacred work of being human—and the God who meets us in the repair. ‘The Secure Soul’ is wildly timely and timeless; a tender, thoughtful, and moving read. This is a fabulous book for anyone engaging the holistic healing God invites us toward.’ 
—Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC
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I truly believe “The Secure Soul” will be a balm to anyone who’s struggled to find safety & repair not only with God, not only with others, but with themselves too. You can read an excerpt on my Substack today (link in stories), or pick up the book anywhere books are sold (I’ll also have a link in stories).
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Congrats, Alison! So grateful for your deep work. 🏔️
#SecureSoul #EarnedSecureAttachment #TrySofter #Attachment #StronglikeWater
A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & learning to befriend anger.✌🏻 
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May there come a day when you do not fear the power of your God-given voice. And may every trauma survivor come to know their anger is a profound ally in their healing journey.
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*And yes, all the caveats that our anger never gives us a reason or justification for causing harm. Rather, healthy anger is used as fuel to help us mobilize an appropriate response of advocacy or protection when harm has occurred. #stronglikewater #trysofter #healanyway #cptsd #fawning
I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few of my own (take what you need💛).
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Edited to add: I'm not sure what that weird line is in my first slide! It should read: "Kinda chic to become the person you needed when you were younger." :)
#trysofter #stronglikewater #fierceselfcompassion #beloved #cptsd
“No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 In the way & t “No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 
In the way & the pace you are able—may it be so. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #compassionateresourcing #internalizedsafety
Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound imp Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound implications—particularly because of the ways it causes us to feel isolated; like no one could ever be trusted. It’s important to say this is valid—our body often adapts in this way because of real harm we’ve experienced. Yet, as we are able, so much of healing work is about learning to keep our eyes open for repair, even as we honor, grieve, & integrate all we’ve lived through.
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I think that’s why this love note is always so meaningful to me, and if it feels like a resource—I offer it to you too. 🌿#trysofter #beloved #stronglikewater #healanyway #cptsd
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P.s. have you heard this @mumfordandsons song? The lyrics are literally “with my hand over your heart.” Let’s go.✨🫶🏻
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