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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 20, 2015 ·

One Word…

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Listen, I know I’m late to the party. I get that it’s almost February and I am just now talking about my “one word,” but I figure, better late than never. So here is my one word for 2015…

Notice.

Now if “notice” doesn’t strike you as particularly powerful, that’s okay. I’m not offended.

But please allow me to give you some back story. First, I think that culturally we have become frantic and harried people; the pressure of the next thing, the next appointment, or the next social commitment can be taxing.  We live in a culture of busy, overstimulated folks. At any given time we may be dealing with at least 2-3 technological devices in addition to normal distractions. This absolutely influences me personally, and I’m convinced anyone else who is in anyway connected with our culture. 

So how exactly does that affect me personally? Well, I’m tired of missing half of everything. I’m tired of missing things that bring me life because I’m too distracted to notice. 

Now to be fair to myself, I will say that at times I do okay at noticing my moments. 

However, it doesn’t take a whole lot to be back in the swirl of crazy. So I am choosing to make this a theme for my year, because frankly I don’t think I can be too good at this.


“…it is a reminder for me to take a breath”


But the second and really the main reason why “notice” matters for me, is that it is a reminder for me to take a breath and actually be present and take part in my surroundings. 

I chose it because this intentional action is at the beginning of the chain of events that DO allow me to be present. Just saying, “okay, now I want to be present,” is a lot like telling someone that a picture of a good meal is the same as having it in front of you. Yes, the picture’s what we’re aiming for, but how do we get it physically in front of us? We have to buy the food, prep the ingredients, and actually cook the meal. Then we can enjoy what we’ve created. No picture will give you the satisfaction that the real thing will give you.

Similarly, we may know that we want to be present in our lives, but without the vital ingredient of noticing the moments, it will be hard to reach that goal.

So you see, my word is my nudge. It is the thing that I pray God will use to allow me to see what already exists but I often miss.

Because this is what I want…

To notice the color of the sky. 

To notice my daughter’s long eye lashes. 

To notice that in this particular moment, I can be with and handle the reality of whatever exists because I am not trying to deal with the past or the future. Even more, in the difficult moments I begin to notice God’s grace even where it feels there is none.  


How about you? 

Maybe this won’t be your “theme word,” but how’s it going with actually being IN your life? Are you able to really appreciate the moments? 

If not, why? 

 

 

 

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Previous Post: « Where the eyes go…
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It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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