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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 20, 2015 ·

One Word…

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Listen, I know I’m late to the party. I get that it’s almost February and I am just now talking about my “one word,” but I figure, better late than never. So here is my one word for 2015…

Notice.

Now if “notice” doesn’t strike you as particularly powerful, that’s okay. I’m not offended.

But please allow me to give you some back story. First, I think that culturally we have become frantic and harried people; the pressure of the next thing, the next appointment, or the next social commitment can be taxing.  We live in a culture of busy, overstimulated folks. At any given time we may be dealing with at least 2-3 technological devices in addition to normal distractions. This absolutely influences me personally, and I’m convinced anyone else who is in anyway connected with our culture. 

So how exactly does that affect me personally? Well, I’m tired of missing half of everything. I’m tired of missing things that bring me life because I’m too distracted to notice. 

Now to be fair to myself, I will say that at times I do okay at noticing my moments. 

However, it doesn’t take a whole lot to be back in the swirl of crazy. So I am choosing to make this a theme for my year, because frankly I don’t think I can be too good at this.


“…it is a reminder for me to take a breath”


But the second and really the main reason why “notice” matters for me, is that it is a reminder for me to take a breath and actually be present and take part in my surroundings. 

I chose it because this intentional action is at the beginning of the chain of events that DO allow me to be present. Just saying, “okay, now I want to be present,” is a lot like telling someone that a picture of a good meal is the same as having it in front of you. Yes, the picture’s what we’re aiming for, but how do we get it physically in front of us? We have to buy the food, prep the ingredients, and actually cook the meal. Then we can enjoy what we’ve created. No picture will give you the satisfaction that the real thing will give you.

Similarly, we may know that we want to be present in our lives, but without the vital ingredient of noticing the moments, it will be hard to reach that goal.

So you see, my word is my nudge. It is the thing that I pray God will use to allow me to see what already exists but I often miss.

Because this is what I want…

To notice the color of the sky. 

To notice my daughter’s long eye lashes. 

To notice that in this particular moment, I can be with and handle the reality of whatever exists because I am not trying to deal with the past or the future. Even more, in the difficult moments I begin to notice God’s grace even where it feels there is none.  


How about you? 

Maybe this won’t be your “theme word,” but how’s it going with actually being IN your life? Are you able to really appreciate the moments? 

If not, why? 

 

 

 

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Next Post: Acquainted With Grief »
These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
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But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
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And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
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