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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

February 19, 2015 ·

Anchors

Uncategorized

It’s difficult to imagine it now, but my 5’4″ self played college basketball. You know how a lot of people get stopped and asked if they do things, like play sports?

Yeah, that wasn’t me.

It didn’t stop me from loving the game of basketball though. If anything, my size made me hungry to step on the court and play my heart out.

But all my passion never erased my fear. And fear is a big deal.

I vividly remember one of my first games in college. I can still smell the salt of the popcorn maker from the concession stand as we prepared to go out for warmup. To this day, when I smell popcorn in a gym my stomach tightens up a little. 

One of my older teammates had a practice of writing a scripture on her shoes for the season as a reminder. I loved that idea, and decided to do it, too. I quickly wrote the scripture that had been given as my life verse several years earlier by my mom:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go”

— Joshua 1:9

Even now, as I remember those moments before stepping out to my first college basketball game, I remember what courage it took to BE in the moment. Usually when we’re scared, anxious, angry, or sad it can be so very hard to stay present because that moment feels intolerable.

The verse I wrote on my shoe was a solid, tangible reminder, that I was capable of being in this moment. Just having it on my feet, made me conscious of it when I walked on that court and drew me into the present. Even more, I believed God had promised that He would be with me in the moment and wherever I went. 

In counseling, we often use strategies like “grounding” or “mindfulness” to help folks stay present. The benefit is that when a person is able to stay present it allows their body to process the information/emotion that is being experienced and allows them to keep moving forward without getting “stuck” in the negative emotion i.e. fear. Because when disturbing emotions do get “stuck,” these can create roots for traumas or anxieties. Alternately, when we are able to stay present, we aren’t having to deal with the past or the future and thus we may feel more at ease with just this small chunk of “now” and are less apt to have a root of anxiety around that situation. 

In a way this is what my shoe verse provided. It was a form of distress tolerance for this moment of fear. What I love is that God is faithful in providing these for us. He IS the ultimate distress tolerance.  

While I didn’t understand the significance of my actions then, now as an adult, I am beginning to get why anchors that remind us of truth IN our moments matter. Because the reality is that life is hard and scary…and good. And sometimes we need help staying in the moment that has all of these characteristics in them. 

We all need anchors for our moments that remind us that it is not up to us to fix the past, nor to control the future. God calls us to abide in Him, in this very moment. 

 

What helps you to stay present in your moments? 

 


I’ve linked up this week over at: Intentionally Pursuing the Heart of God, Teressa Jane , Simplified Life, Redemption Diaries, Jennifer Dukes Lee and Suzanne Eller

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Jennifer Hand says

    February 19, 2015 at 8:52 pm

    wow. I love this post. What a powerful reminder of the anchor to our fear. I am finding that often the things God has called me to are a wonderful mix of joy and fearfully stepping out in obedience and victory. I love this reminder to be present in the moment following Jesus and the word as the anchor. I a full time speakr and everytime I get up to speak for an event I can find myself afraid… yet called by God to step out in obedience anyway. This was beautiful my fellow living free sister!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 20, 2015 at 2:44 am

      Jennifer,
      Thank you for saying hello and for reading. I agree it is such a mix of feelings with living in our moments– I love that God gave us himself to calm all of fears in the midst of it. Thanks for sharing your experience. Best to you!

  2. Crystal Storms says

    February 20, 2015 at 3:59 pm

    Dear Aundi, I love your life verse and how God’s Word brings you courage to be in the moment because He is right there with you. One thing I do to help me stay in the moment and not be overwhelmed by fear or anxiety is squeezing my right hand, which reminds me God walks with me.

    "I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken." Psalm 16:8

    Thank you, Aundi, for sharing your encouraging words at #IntentionalTuesday.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 20, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Crystal,
      I love that "anchor" of squeezing your hand. What a beautiful and tangible reminder that God walks with you. Thank you for saying hello and for your kind words!

  3. Becky Goerend says

    February 20, 2015 at 6:54 pm

    What a beautiful post and a great reminder. I needed this today! Thanks for linking up with Tuesday Talk!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 20, 2015 at 7:07 pm

      Becky,
      Thanks so much. I appreciate you stopping in to say hello!

  4. Kim S says

    February 21, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Thank you for your encouragement today – will meditate on Joshua 1:9 as my anchor this weekend. #livefreeThursday
    Have a great one, Kim Stewart
    http://www.kimstewartinspired.com

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 22, 2015 at 2:50 am

      Kim, thanks so much for stopping by! It’s a great verse, I hope it encourages you. Best to you today.

  5. Victoria Mininger says

    February 24, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Beautifully said! Worship music helps me stay present. It calms my heart when life gets out of place and helps to give me pause to re-group. Thanks so much for coming by and sharing with us on Simply Inspired Wednesday’s at the Simplified Life. I hope you will join us again tomorrow. ~Victoria

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 25, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      Victoria, thank you so much for sharing your "anchor." I agree, music is very helpful. Thanks for having me at the link up too! I appreciate you hosting it.

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
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Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
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As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
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