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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 19, 2017 ·

What I Learned This Summer (Or Why I Didn’t Blog Much This Year)

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As you may (or may not) have noticed, I’ve been scarce on my blog this last year—but especially during the summer.

The truth is, we have been in the middle of high levels of transitions with moving, getting kiddos settled, managing our own emotions around all the upheaval, and simply trying to live. One of my goals in my online sphere is to attempt to practice what I preach. Obviously, I don’t practice it perfectly either (!), but if I had a client who told me they had a baby, were moving to a new town, selling/buying a house, and saying goodbye to beloved friends—I’d likely counsel them to give themselves permission to step back from non-essential responsibilities.

So here we are; trying to both follow my goal to continue working on writing my book while also allowing myself to go as slow as needed.

It’s exciting to feel inspired by something—but let’s face it—it’s hard work, too. And so with all these things occurring, this little blog space has gone a bit to the wayside.

Recently though, I read Addie Zimmerman’s blog, who also took a note from Emily Freeman, and they were both writing on what they learned this summer. Have you read either one of those lovely blogger’s writings? They both make wide spaces available to people and I am grateful for their work.

And so, I realized I wanted to write out some of my thoughts about what I’ve been learning this summer. Here they are:

1.     Remembering to embrace my limits.

I know, it seems pretty obvious, but I have been learning this one in a new way this summer. As the needs of our family have increased in this season, I saw how much I had to return to the reality that I am finite. Each of us can only do so much at one time, and that’s okay. Plus, my limits look different than your limits—and this is also okay. The beautiful thing I continue to remember is that God meets us in our lack, and this can be a gift if we let it.  

2.     Getting outside is the best thing.

I’ve always adored nature, but this summer I was reminded how much I need to see God’s handiwork. In the midst of feeling overwhelmed and taxed by moving boxes, construction, and so so many jackhammers—I experienced the wonder of getting outside and it was awe inspiring and needed. One of the amazing aspects of this is that God designed it this way. Plus, research supports the reality that getting outside can literally change our moods.

3.     Goals are helpful.

Approximately 7 weeks ago, I realized that if I am actually going to write this book, I better get myself in gear. I had been working on in it in spurts and fits. Between naps and tantrums and outings I had tried to work it in—but I was finding it extremely difficult. So, one day I decided I would write everyday and aim for 400-500 words. It hasn’t been perfect, but it’s been helping. There have been a few days, especially after sleepless nights with littles, when I have barely been able to squeak out anything of value. But it’s felt encouraging to see even if the process is slow, it’s still going.

4.     Even when we feel untethered, we can still find home.

My most recent post, way back in July, was all about feeling untethered. If you didn’t get to read it, you can catch it here. I’m happy to say, we’re starting to feel grounded once again. It’s certainly been a process, but one I’m grateful for. One of the most humbling aspects about all this, is that it reminds me we will always be a bit untethered on this earth; there won’t ever be a time when we are completely settled. This is because as a final destination, we were made for heaven.  It’s a paradox that we can feel both at home here in our life and with our people, and yet long for more. With this in mind, I’m reminded to embrace the tension and the bittersweet of loving life right now and longing for the fullness God promises us. 

And so I’m grateful. Grateful for the good and the hard, and the still in process parts of the summer. 

How about you? What did you learn this summer? Tell me below–I’d love to hear!

 

 

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Previous Post: « First We Say Goodbye {On Feeling Untethered}
Next Post: The Spiritual Act of Honoring Pain »
These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
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But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
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And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
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