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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 10, 2018 ·

Who Will Be With Us at the Edge {Guest Post for SheLoves Magazine}

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It’s a true honor to be over at SheLoves Magazine today sharing some vulnerable parts of my own journey: 


My vocation as a therapist can make me feel like I’m standing with my client on the edge of an abyss. Engaging in trauma processing can feel like putting my toes up against the ledge of a vast canyon and hoping we don’t fall in. Yet we also know we must put our bodies there. We must hold this sacred space.

Trauma, whether big “T” trauma (e.g. PTSD) or little “t” trauma (e.g. grief) is like that. It requires immense respect and training for the intensity it holds. My supervisor used to say, “Don’t open it up unless you’re sure you can put it back in.” Similarly, one of the main ethical tenants for therapists to learn is this: Do no harm.

 Picture: Lazio Images

Picture: Lazio Images

The deep healing many of us need can feel tenuous, because it requires risk. It causes everyone who is a part of it to lean into the process rather than the arrival. Understanding this helps us make sense as to why many of us are walking around with gaping disconnects between our bodies, minds, and souls. We’re scared—and understandably so—to let ourselves be integrated. What will we find if we do? And it is hard. Many of us have had to live this way in order to survive. With a nervous system bound tight as a coil, we are stuck wondering why we would ever dare to do this work? Why does it matter?

Again and again, I, too, ask these questions.

I ask because it’s the vocation of my life and the heartbeat of what God has called me to. Not only that, but I’m a survivor of complex trauma, so I’ve experienced enormous growth. I’ve felt terror in my stomach. I’ve lived with the chronic pain of a body so tightly wound it doesn’t know how to calm down. I know what it’s like for grief to swallow me.

I’d love for you to click here and finish reading over at SheLoves. 

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Previous Post: « 3 Ways to Grow Spiritually We Don’t Hear Enough About {Guest Post for Relevant}
Next Post: 3 Steps for Handling Unwanted Conversations {Guest Post for Propel Sophia} »
I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my latest manuscript (IYKYN)—and as I work on a particularly vulnerable and painful story, I am holding these words from the inimitable Henri Nouwen like a prayer: 
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“When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” 
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May it be so. #trysofter #healanyway #stronglikewater #cptsd #woundedhealers
May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
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If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
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