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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

December 3, 2015 ·

An Advent Lament

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Today, I had planned on another topic for this post. But as our nation grieves so much pain and loss, I choose to use my voice to create space to process. Our culture doesn’t always grieve well, we aren’t ever really taught how. But the Bible is so full of examples of authentic lamentations; I believe God is modelling healthy grief for us. Psychologically, we also know that unless and until we process our grief, we easily become stuck there and aren’t able to move forward. Merriam-Webster defines lament in this way, “to express sorrow, regret, or unhappiness about something.” So on this day, I invite you to join me in lament, so that we can move forward. 


O God, rend the heavens and come down!

We grieve here on earth watching people in so much pain. 

How long will we sit in this God?

When, father, will you cause your kingdom to come? 

How long will evil live free? 

How long will we demand an eye for an eye?

How long, Lord? 

We grow weary and tired as we wait for you this advent, Jesus. O that you would use this pain to cause us to lean into you, to be wiser, and to change what you have set about for us to change. Not in our own strength, but in yours.  

God that we would affirm your image in every person. That we would value all life. That we would fight for your kingdom in the best way taught to us, by your love.

O Lord that we would see the way our hate and polarization only causes pain and trauma to grow.

In our weakness, use us. 

Let change happen God, and let it begin with me. 

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Previous Post: « An Open Letter to Weary Internet Souls
Next Post: Take the Dare {You’re Already So Loved} »
These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
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But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
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And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
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