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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 23, 2015 ·

An Open Letter to Weary Internet Souls

Uncategorized

Dear tired heart,

I see how you advocate and sound off for your cause. I see the way you stand for orphans, mental health, refugees, racism, veterans, safety, and hope (although, possibly at different times and in a different order).

Thank you for using your voice. Thank your for sharing your opinions. They do matter.

But let us also be honest.

We live in a world and a climate in which we easily lose each other’s humanity. Studies show the simple factor of communicating behind a screen directly impacts our ability to be empathic or care about other humans.

So whether this has caused you to say harsh things you would never, ever, dream of saying to someone face to face, or whether these things have been said to you, take heart, we weren’t meant to work out difficult things in only this way.

Also, this: your voice and your advocacy are important.

But also know, it is rare and uncommon for anyone’s opinions to be changed through a Facebook or twitter thread.

This doesn’t mean there’s not room for discussion, in fact, we need healthy conversation and push back. But the weight of changing someone’s mind does not fall on you. God gave each of us a brain, and we are called and responsible for our own actions and opinions.

So if your soul feels like it’s weighed down with a lead blanket, may I encourage you?

May I encourage you to log off for awhile and re-engage with your people and your hope and your faith?

This internet world is amazing and terrifying and scary and good. I have witnessed the value of it many times. But it’s just a resource. It’s not the ‘be all, end all.’ We were made for relationship, and so if you find yourself missing the grace, truth, and grit of real relationship, could you stop what you’re doing and call a friend? Could you meet for coffee? Could you go outside and breathe deep and long and slow?

And then, when you have honored the aches of your soul and done the work to care for your wounds, could you come back to us with your story and your voice?

After you have found ways to ensure you’re not sucked dry from the weight of this, can you come back?

We need you so.

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Previous Post: « When You Want To Be Thankful {But You’re Not}
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Helen Kerr says

    November 23, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    I LOVE this. I’ve wanted to bang my head against a wall these past few weeks. Thanks for this. I needed it.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 23, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      You are so welcome. It has been a tough season, hasn’t it? Grateful this encouraged you.

  2. Brooke F says

    November 23, 2015 at 11:49 pm

    When I get this way about my husband’s salvation, I have to remind myself that God is capable of working with out me. But if I’m lucky, I will get to be involved.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 24, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      Amen, Brooke. It’s so hard not to "fix" people, but instead love them and walk with them. Thanks for reading.

  3. Philippa Ettrick says

    November 28, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Thank you for this! People on the internet these days- just breaks my heart sometimes. And for this- " But the weight of changing someone’s mind does not fall on you. God gave each of us a brain, and we are called and responsible for our own actions and opinions." I need this both for the internet and day to day life.

  4. Leah Kaihoi Everson says

    October 28, 2016 at 8:01 pm

    Oh Aundy. Thanks. I’m signing off this weekend (for the most part) and needed to be reminded that it’s a good decision. Sharing this. Possibly for the second time.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      October 31, 2016 at 1:10 pm

      Leah, I’m so grateful this speaks to your heart and encourages you to take good care of yourself. Thanks so much for reading (and sharing!) I appreciate you!

May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
🌿
If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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