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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 23, 2015 ·

An Open Letter to Weary Internet Souls

Uncategorized

Dear tired heart,

I see how you advocate and sound off for your cause. I see the way you stand for orphans, mental health, refugees, racism, veterans, safety, and hope (although, possibly at different times and in a different order).

Thank you for using your voice. Thank your for sharing your opinions. They do matter.

But let us also be honest.

We live in a world and a climate in which we easily lose each other’s humanity. Studies show the simple factor of communicating behind a screen directly impacts our ability to be empathic or care about other humans.

So whether this has caused you to say harsh things you would never, ever, dream of saying to someone face to face, or whether these things have been said to you, take heart, we weren’t meant to work out difficult things in only this way.

Also, this: your voice and your advocacy are important.

But also know, it is rare and uncommon for anyone’s opinions to be changed through a Facebook or twitter thread.

This doesn’t mean there’s not room for discussion, in fact, we need healthy conversation and push back. But the weight of changing someone’s mind does not fall on you. God gave each of us a brain, and we are called and responsible for our own actions and opinions.

So if your soul feels like it’s weighed down with a lead blanket, may I encourage you?

May I encourage you to log off for awhile and re-engage with your people and your hope and your faith?

This internet world is amazing and terrifying and scary and good. I have witnessed the value of it many times. But it’s just a resource. It’s not the ‘be all, end all.’ We were made for relationship, and so if you find yourself missing the grace, truth, and grit of real relationship, could you stop what you’re doing and call a friend? Could you meet for coffee? Could you go outside and breathe deep and long and slow?

And then, when you have honored the aches of your soul and done the work to care for your wounds, could you come back to us with your story and your voice?

After you have found ways to ensure you’re not sucked dry from the weight of this, can you come back?

We need you so.

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Previous Post: « When You Want To Be Thankful {But You’re Not}
Next Post: An Advent Lament »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Helen Kerr says

    November 23, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    I LOVE this. I’ve wanted to bang my head against a wall these past few weeks. Thanks for this. I needed it.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 23, 2015 at 11:27 pm

      You are so welcome. It has been a tough season, hasn’t it? Grateful this encouraged you.

  2. Brooke F says

    November 23, 2015 at 11:49 pm

    When I get this way about my husband’s salvation, I have to remind myself that God is capable of working with out me. But if I’m lucky, I will get to be involved.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 24, 2015 at 2:07 pm

      Amen, Brooke. It’s so hard not to "fix" people, but instead love them and walk with them. Thanks for reading.

  3. Philippa Ettrick says

    November 28, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    Thank you for this! People on the internet these days- just breaks my heart sometimes. And for this- " But the weight of changing someone’s mind does not fall on you. God gave each of us a brain, and we are called and responsible for our own actions and opinions." I need this both for the internet and day to day life.

  4. Leah Kaihoi Everson says

    October 28, 2016 at 8:01 pm

    Oh Aundy. Thanks. I’m signing off this weekend (for the most part) and needed to be reminded that it’s a good decision. Sharing this. Possibly for the second time.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      October 31, 2016 at 1:10 pm

      Leah, I’m so grateful this speaks to your heart and encourages you to take good care of yourself. Thanks so much for reading (and sharing!) I appreciate you!

May you reclaim your voice. May you find your ‘no May you reclaim your voice. 
May you find your ‘no.’
May your healing come🕯️
#trysofter #stronglikewater #narcissisticabuseawarenessday #cptsd #beloved 
.
We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻 . . N We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻
.
.
Needing more resources & insight? Check out my best selling books, including “Try Softer” which is $3.99 via Amazon kindle, Kobo, Google books, and all e-reader platforms right now (links in profile + stories)🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #loveyourneighborASYourself
Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion // Take What Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion //
Take What You Need 🌿
.
.
#trysofter #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #cptsd #beloved
Love Notes to My Nervous System (Take what you nee Love Notes to My Nervous System
(Take what you need 🌿)
.
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*I’ve seen this quote going around but couldn’t track down the original author. If you know, please share—I’d love to credit them.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #narcissisticabuse #cptsd
Like many of you who’ve generously shared your sto Like many of you who’ve generously shared your story with me through the years, I’ve walked this brutal path of living through a life-altering smear campaign, too.
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So if it feels like a resource, this is for you:❤️‍🩹
A Lament for a Smear Campaign 
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(And other types of narcissistic abuse)
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For the ways we have been slandered for telling the truth, 
.
We grieve. 
.
For the ways that reality has been contorted so we can no longer recognize it, 
.
We cry out. 
.
For the ways relationships were weaponized as part of the harm, 
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We lament. 
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For the ways those causing harm are celebrated, 
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We dissent. 
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For the bodies that were made to carry shame they do not own, 
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We honor. 
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For the ways you meet us in the valley of the shadow, O God—
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We remember. 
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Selah.
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#HealAnyway #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor #TrySofter #cptsd #narcissticabuse
I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my latest manuscript (IYKYN)—and as I work on a particularly vulnerable and painful story, I am holding these words from the inimitable Henri Nouwen like a prayer: 
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“When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” 
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May it be so. #trysofter #healanyway #stronglikewater #cptsd #woundedhealers
May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
.
*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
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