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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 17, 2015 ·

When You Want To Be Thankful {But You’re Not}

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It’s easy to guess November’s theme on social media. We tend to see it all around: expressions of gratitude. 

I see these posts and conversations and I love what folks are doing. I appreciate their intention.

But the truth is, I meet loads of people who shame themselves over their inability to experience thankfulness. 

It usually sounds a little like this:

“I hate how I’m feeling. I should feel so grateful. I really am blessed. I must be terrible.”

What do we do with these sentiments? Do we write off gratitude as a practice? Do we say some people just aren’t thankful? 

I say no. 

Here’s the thing, it’s okay to feel your feelings. And in order to become resilient to shame, we MUST be willing to do this. I’m not proposing we don’t have much to be thankful for, in fact, if you live in North America, I know you do.

What I am proposing is shaming ourselves takes away the value of gratefulness. There is no benefit to shame. 

To understand what I mean, you have to get the core of shame. 

Brene Brown defines it this way:

“Shame says ‘I am bad’, but guilt says ‘I did something bad.‘”

Do you see the difference? One says you don’t have value and the other says you have value, but you have room to change. Healthy guilt can lead us to good, honest, self-reflection, repentance and growth, but shame will lead you straight to death. 

It’s worth exploring this phenomenon because the practice of gratitude is powerful. Studies upon studies show us the ways in which experiencing and noticing how we are blessed does increase our resilience, quality of life, and overall mental health.

And yet, I see shame as roadblock to connecting to the value of these concepts. If we are ever to fully connect with gratitude, we must learn to fight shame. 

If you find yourself resonating with this battle, here are some suggestions:  

Invite the Lord into the process. The beautiful thing about God, is that it’s his kindness that leads us to repentance/change (Romans 2:4). Because of this, we can know shame is not from him. As you lean into this process, I would encourage you to ask him to show his character.

Own the fact that you’re experiencing shame. Shame is like mold. When we keep it in the dark, with secrecy and facades it continues to grow. We also know, “whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open” (Mark 4:22). Thus, when the mold gets light and air, only then can we get rid of it thoroughly. The same is true for shame, we must acknowledge it’s presence. 

Normalize with someone safe. Do you have safe people to talk to when you’re stuck in shame? If not, now is a great time to start looking or it may be helpful to contact a counselor or other resource to begin creating healthier community. Someone who is healthy will not judge or blame you for experiencing shame, but rather help you to understand it’s happening and feel your feelings. Brene Brown, in her research, found we can gain resilience against shame, simply by speaking it to someone who is safe.

Start with mindfulness. A small step towards gratefulness is simply to be present in your moments. How many times do we have startling beauty in front of us, and we don’t even realize it because we are wrapped up in anxiety? Jesus speaks to this when he tells us to abide in him (John 15:4). When we abide, we are all there. We don’t even need to make judgements about the moments we’re in, we choose to simply notice the present. 

Lean into gratitude. Now that we’re present in our moments, we can finally connect with the practice of gratitude. I love Ann Voskamp’s (and many therapists before her) strategy of a gratitude journal, creating a ritual to talk about it with family at dinner, or simply spending intentional time reflecting about it. Any way you do it, it’s one of the oldest and most effective ways to savor life. 

How about you? When are you able to connect with gratitude? 

 

***Please note, while I am a licensed professional counselor, this blog is not a substitute for professional clinical care.***

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Comments

  1. Danielle Kurek says

    November 17, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    This is such a good post! Gratitude, like a lot of things in life, is something that I had to learn. A lot of the time it can be hard to be grateful, it can seem impossible to see the beauty and joy in the business of life, in the mundane, in the heartache and sorrow. But God is good. His joy can be found in the most mundane things in life, and He creates beauty from ashes and always oversees that good comes from even the most horrible acts of destruction. And if we ask Him for help, and if we constantly practice, gratitude can be learned and lived out. That doesn’t mean it will be easy, but oh, it is so worth it!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 18, 2015 at 7:50 pm

      Beautiful thoughts, Danielle. Yes, I agree gratitude can be learned. Especially as we become more resilient to shame, I think our ability to become grateful increases. Thank you for reading and commenting.

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
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Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
🌿
Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
🌿
This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
🌿
Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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