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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

April 2, 2015 ·

When They Nailed Him to the Tree

Uncategorized

“Were you there, when they nailed him to the tree?

Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?

Wooo, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble

Were you there, when they crucified my Lord?” 

– William Eleazer Barton, Old Plantation Hymns (1899)

Growing up this hymn was a favorite of mine, particularly at Maundy Thursday and Good Friday mass. Interestingly, at the time I didn’t realize that this song was most likely composed by African- American slaves. Although, as I chew on this idea of suffering it makes so much sense. 

I was raised Catholic and even at the tender age of 8, I could feel the gravity of Holy Week. There was a surprising amount of mystery and longing wrapped up in those masses. It was always simple, and yet profound for me.

Now as an adult and a non-denominational Christian, sometimes I miss the liturgy of my youth. Don’t get me wrong, there are reasons I chose to leave the Catholic Church. Yet, I can’t help but notice that we tend to over compensate when we try to correct something.

For example, how many times has an over-zealous driver hit a slick patch in snow, and rather than return to center, they end up in a ditch? It takes a lot of experience and awareness to keep a car in the middle of the road.

Like drivers who end up in the ditch, I have wondered at times whether I have done this in my own journey.

The answer of course, is yes. As each of us have, because this is our nature.

We are creatures of security, and what feels more secure than the exact opposite of what we believe to be wrong?  While I’m convinced that faith in God is always sure, I am just as convinced in our imperfections as people. So as long as the church is facilitated by people, it seems worth considering that we may go to extremes or miss something.  

So how does any of this connect to Holy Week?

In my experience and perhaps at times in the church, we like to (or want to) skip over suffering and process and get to the “answer.” We long to go from one extreme to the other.

Because wouldn’t it be nice if we could step around the messy part, and just get to the healing?

Isn’t that what we always want? Just to be whole.

But what if we can incorporate the beauty of both? What if because of suffering we can really value goodness?

What if the journey leading to the cross, really causes us to value the freedom we gain because of the Resurrection?

While I don’t see myself becoming a Catholic again, I appreciate my experiences growing up in a new way. I see the value in honoring and identifying with the pain that Jesus experienced—for us. When we take time to meditate on the cost of the cross, we find this: our freedom was not cheap.

This is a model for understanding pain. Our suffering is not cheap either. It is seen and valued too. 

So as I think upon my Jesus on the cross, I am humbled that he modeled process for me in this most poignant way. By his very own suffering and death, he is leading us to beauty and freedom. He did not skip over the suffering, in fact he asks that we remember this beautiful sacrifice when we take the Lord’s supper. 

These memories cause me to sit in the haunting messiness of Holy week and yearn for Sunday morning. And that is the value of identifying with Jesus’s suffering, it causes us to know how much the cross mattered. But make no mistake; Sunday’s coming. He did not stay in the grave, because from the suffering he redeems and raises up new life.

“…and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3a

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Previous Post: « For the Love Series: Use Your No
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It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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