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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

April 14, 2015 ·

Fan the Flame

Uncategorized

I’m one of those people who can revel in words. I enjoy a beautiful sentence, I’m a collector of quotes and I’ll choose a good book over most activities.

Plus, I’m certain that “words of affirmation” is my top love language (Thank you, Gary Chapman).

So it isn’t a stretch for me to chew on this idea of words. But this isn’t everyone’s story. Some folks don’t think much about it at face value, and that’s okay. Yet, we can’t get around how much weight our words hold.

What is it about words that can ignite us or strike us down? Why is there such consequence to what we say?

Much of what I do in the counseling room has roots in words that were not stewarded well. Possibly someone was careless or shaming with their comments; a parent who did not recognize how deeply their criticisms were felt. Other times, folks grieve words that were said in anger or difficult places. These painful wounds can wrap themselves around a person’s identity and attempt to extinguish their joy, self-efficacy, purpose, and hope.

Alternately, words can light a bonfire of potential in others.

It is beautiful to watch people lean into the reality that they are (or at least consider that they are) the Imago Dei; image bearers of God. Even with failure, even with imperfection, and even with pain…they are beautifully crafted to reflect the likeness of their maker. Each and every one of us carry this around with us.  

I have watched folks stand taller after they ingest hope, encouragement and helpful critique. I have seen little girls raise their eyes up and begin to verbalize that their weight doesn’t define their worth. I have seen women begin to claim their innate value.

This is no less than amazing.

And so, yes, words matter; and how we say those words matter.

It appears purposeful that God allowed words to have significance. Even God himself modeled this for us when He used words to speak creation into existence (Genesis 3). And then later, the author of Proverbs states:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits”

— Proverbs 18:21

Death and Life—this is a serious claim. And yet, we see again and again the power of our words in our culture, our homes and in ourselves.

And so today, may I challenge you?

May I ask you to notice the words that come from your mouth and whether you’re using them to fan a flame or extinguish it in others (or yourself)?

When the difficult person at your work does that thing again? When your child throws a full blown tantrum at the grocery store? When your spouse doesn’t pay attention when you’re talking?

Or maybe, even when you look at yourself in the mirror; when the clothes don’t hang like you want them to? Could you speak words of life then?

My hope for you today is that you would notice these intersections between “death and life.” And in those moments, I pray that you could offer the benefit of a pause, to feel the weight of those words on your tongue.

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For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
For many years now, I’ve loved @dr.thema’s words t For many years now, I’ve loved @dr.thema’s words that remind us that when people get us; when we are seen—it matters. It can change our lives. For me, the most potent parts of @ccfwgr, feel like that. It was a full time, with so many brilliant, creative, and empathic folks in one place. In many ways it was a reparative space for parts of the shadow side of our industry, and I’m grateful for that and to have attended.
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I certainly didn’t get nearly enough pictures with everyone I connected with (and I’m sorry for that!), but I’m wildly grateful for the time and space. Thank you @calvinuniversity and @ccfwgr 🫶🏻
Every time we show up for ourselves in the present Every time we show up for ourselves in the present, we’re also offering a bit of healing to our younger selves, too. May it be so.❤️‍🩹🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #healanyway #takewhatyouneed #cptsd
Today in the Christian tradition is Good Friday & Today in the Christian tradition is Good Friday & for trauma survivors in particular, I think of what it means that our God knows what it’s like to exist in a body; an abused body at that.
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Jesus could have come in so many ways, but he chose to show us how deeply we are loved by joining us in our humanity.
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I’m grateful to @marikoclark for sharing these words a few years ago from theologian James Cone—they’ve lived in my heal anyway folder & I return to them often: 
“There can be no Christian theology that is not identified unreservedly with those who are humiliated and abused. In fact, theology ceases to be a theology of the gospel when it fails to arise out of the community of the oppressed.”
-James Cone
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Amen. 
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Our God, with us. 
Much love this Easter season. 
#traumasurvivors #trysofter #cptsd #easter #stronglikewater
For every way trauma has cost you too much, I hono For every way trauma has cost you too much, I honor you. 🙏
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May you find the relational safety you deserve.
May you find your voice in the ways you need.
May your healing come.❤️‍🩹
#trysofter #healanyway #cptsd #beloved #stronglikewater
Just checking in on a few things.✌🏻 As always, tak Just checking in on a few things.✌🏻
As always, take what you need.
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Do any of these resonate for you? If so, I’d love to hear. ✨
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #compassionateresourcing
Good morning. Take what you need.🫶🏻 #trysofter #st Good morning. Take what you need.🫶🏻
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#embodiedboundaries #ItsOkayToSetItDown
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