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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

May 5, 2015 ·

To My Girl…

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As many of you know, my theme word for the year is “notice.” So as we approach Mother’s Day, I have taken extra care to notice the gift (and often the hardships too), that come with being a mom. This letter comes from that place. Enjoy XO.


My darling T, 

This morning we went to a pre-school and had our very first tour. At first you couldn’t wait for me to drop you off but by the time we arrived you already had said, “please stay with me mom. I don’t want you to leave.” As we walked around, your chubby little hands clutched mine, but I also saw you smile at all the new kiddos and the interesting class pets they had.  And now you are in the other room sleeping soundly. I love watching you sleep. It’s the time when daddy sometimes has to keep me from crawling into bed with you. You have no idea how many times after you have fallen asleep that I stare at your monitor and admire the little person that you are. I love you so.

This morning was a bit hard, what with several wardrobe changes, tantrums and the craziness of leaving the house before seeing the school, but I wish I could pause where you are right now. It causes my heart to ache as I watch your little body growing bigger every day.

When you were younger, I really didn’t understand how fast you would change. And now I do. One day you look at me and all you can say is ‘ma-ma’ and the next you say, “mom, I think we should pray for daddy.” And I know I sound like every other stereotypical mom, but it’s so beautifully bittersweet to watch you grow. It’s only bitter because I so badly want to cherish this season of your life, and sometimes I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job.

And sometimes that’s true. T, I’m sorry for the times when I’m tired or distracted or hungry and I don’t give you what you need.

But, I think it’s important for you to also know that I will never be perfect, and that’s why I am so glad you know about Jesus. He is so good, and even though I will always do my best for you, I want you to know that He loves you even more than Mom and Dad. He will never leave you and He is the best Hope. It is so worth it to trust him, my girl. I hope you’ll hide that in your heart.

My sweet girl, I am also writing this because I am so excited for you to start school, but I am also a little sad. Mostly because I know that the changes will just continue to get bigger, and someday you won’t need me like you need me now. That’s a good thing! But you are such a gift to daddy and me. I couldn’t ask for more in my life. I am so ecstatic about the person you are and also the person you are becoming. Your imagination is wild and I love that about you. I love seeing your interest in the world and the tenderness of your heart. I am so grateful that God chose me to be your mom and I want you to know that it is the great honor of my life.

With all my heart,

Mom

 

Linking up this week at:  Intentionally Pursuing , Sue Detweiler, Simplified Life and Purposeful Faith

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Previous Post: « To the Ones Who Want to Give Up
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Comments

  1. Crystal Storms says

    May 8, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Aundi, I love that you are noticing and embracing each season with your little "T." Thank you for sharing your heart at #IntentionalTuesday on Intentionally Pursuing. : )

    • Andrea Kolber says

      May 11, 2015 at 2:22 pm

      Thanks so much, Crystal!

These are for you, if you’re feeling the weariness These are for you, if you’re feeling the weariness of these days or the reality of the pain in our world. May Compassion be a fuel that allows us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.💛
🌿
Which of these resonate with you today? As always, take what you need, and set down what doesn’t. 
🌿
Aaaaand, just one month late: Happy 1 year anniversary to “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days.” 🥳 I’m so proud and grateful for this little book. Thank you to each of you who’ve shared about it, left reviews, and reminded me why it’s mattered to you. I’m so honored. If you haven’t already, I’d love for you to check it out (link in stories and profile 🌻) @tyndalehouse 
.
(These affirmations aren’t from the book, but they were inspired by the spirit of it.)
#takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater
In our culture, tenderness is often viewed as a li In our culture, tenderness is often viewed as a liability, even and especially the tenderness we gain from healing. But the paradox is, the softness we gain is actually the source of some of our greatest strength. Selah. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #loveyourneighborasyourself
Healing work is not only about us, but make no mis Healing work is not only about us, but make no mistake — it must include us; it must include the relationship we have with ourselves. 
.
At the pace you are able, may your healing come. 
#TrySofter #Stronglikewater #TakeWhatYouNeed #fawning #cptsd
I realize I’m breaking the rules of instagram by p I realize I’m breaking the rules of instagram by posting two selfies in a row, but today is my 43rd birthday so I’m gonna just do the thing. ✌🏻 I’ll say this, it was a hell of a year. I feel proud and grateful, and also, more than a little tired. Waking up to news of wars, widespread sexual abuse cover ups, and the weaponization of a faith I hold dear will do that to anyone paying attention. But also, something I’ve learned as a long term survivor of cPTSD, is how much it matters to hold onto my center; my God-given self. I’ve learned that abuse teaches us to leave ourselves, and we often do, just so we can survive. Which is why it is some of the most sacred work of my life to, by the grace of God, choose to stay instead. 
.
And so that is how I’m entering this year: tenaciously committed to the life + self God has given me, to the people around me, to the work that is a privilege to do. To, as the prophet Micah once wrote, “act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
.
Thanks to each of you who have been here, who have supported my work, who have spoken life into me. I do not take it lightly. Grateful. xx
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
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Pink shirt in 1st photo is from @treetopscollective (check out their important work on behalf of refugees in the Grand Rapids, MI. Also, this isn’t an ad, I just love their work :)
Leaving this here to mark the fact that I just tur Leaving this here to mark the fact that I just turned in my 3rd full length manuscript 😭🕯️. Y’all. i. AM. tIRed.
I cannot wait to share about this book with you in the coming year, but what I can say—is something I used to tell myself when I played a whole lot of basketball: “I’m leaving it all on the floor.” Whew. Happy Friday, my dears. (And now to rest)🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #authorsofinstagram
It’s for you, if you need it.✌🏻#TakeWhatYouNeed # It’s for you, if you need it.✌🏻#TakeWhatYouNeed 
#TrySofter #StronglikeWater #LoveNotesToMyNervousSystem
This is an evergreen message, but it’s perhaps esp This is an evergreen message, but it’s perhaps especially timely as we navigate this cultural moment. Compassion is soft, but it doesn’t fold. 🌿
#BelieveSurvivors #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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