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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

May 5, 2015 ·

To My Girl…

Uncategorized

As many of you know, my theme word for the year is “notice.” So as we approach Mother’s Day, I have taken extra care to notice the gift (and often the hardships too), that come with being a mom. This letter comes from that place. Enjoy XO.


My darling T, 

This morning we went to a pre-school and had our very first tour. At first you couldn’t wait for me to drop you off but by the time we arrived you already had said, “please stay with me mom. I don’t want you to leave.” As we walked around, your chubby little hands clutched mine, but I also saw you smile at all the new kiddos and the interesting class pets they had.  And now you are in the other room sleeping soundly. I love watching you sleep. It’s the time when daddy sometimes has to keep me from crawling into bed with you. You have no idea how many times after you have fallen asleep that I stare at your monitor and admire the little person that you are. I love you so.

This morning was a bit hard, what with several wardrobe changes, tantrums and the craziness of leaving the house before seeing the school, but I wish I could pause where you are right now. It causes my heart to ache as I watch your little body growing bigger every day.

When you were younger, I really didn’t understand how fast you would change. And now I do. One day you look at me and all you can say is ‘ma-ma’ and the next you say, “mom, I think we should pray for daddy.” And I know I sound like every other stereotypical mom, but it’s so beautifully bittersweet to watch you grow. It’s only bitter because I so badly want to cherish this season of your life, and sometimes I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job.

And sometimes that’s true. T, I’m sorry for the times when I’m tired or distracted or hungry and I don’t give you what you need.

But, I think it’s important for you to also know that I will never be perfect, and that’s why I am so glad you know about Jesus. He is so good, and even though I will always do my best for you, I want you to know that He loves you even more than Mom and Dad. He will never leave you and He is the best Hope. It is so worth it to trust him, my girl. I hope you’ll hide that in your heart.

My sweet girl, I am also writing this because I am so excited for you to start school, but I am also a little sad. Mostly because I know that the changes will just continue to get bigger, and someday you won’t need me like you need me now. That’s a good thing! But you are such a gift to daddy and me. I couldn’t ask for more in my life. I am so ecstatic about the person you are and also the person you are becoming. Your imagination is wild and I love that about you. I love seeing your interest in the world and the tenderness of your heart. I am so grateful that God chose me to be your mom and I want you to know that it is the great honor of my life.

With all my heart,

Mom

 

Linking up this week at:  Intentionally Pursuing , Sue Detweiler, Simplified Life and Purposeful Faith

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Previous Post: « To the Ones Who Want to Give Up
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Comments

  1. Crystal Storms says

    May 8, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Aundi, I love that you are noticing and embracing each season with your little "T." Thank you for sharing your heart at #IntentionalTuesday on Intentionally Pursuing. : )

    • Andrea Kolber says

      May 11, 2015 at 2:22 pm

      Thanks so much, Crystal!

May you reclaim your voice. May you find your ‘no May you reclaim your voice. 
May you find your ‘no.’
May your healing come🕯️
#trysofter #stronglikewater #narcissisticabuseawarenessday #cptsd #beloved 
.
We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻 . . N We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻
.
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Needing more resources & insight? Check out my best selling books, including “Try Softer” which is $3.99 via Amazon kindle, Kobo, Google books, and all e-reader platforms right now (links in profile + stories)🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #loveyourneighborASYourself
Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion // Take What Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion //
Take What You Need 🌿
.
.
#trysofter #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #cptsd #beloved
Love Notes to My Nervous System (Take what you nee Love Notes to My Nervous System
(Take what you need 🌿)
.
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*I’ve seen this quote going around but couldn’t track down the original author. If you know, please share—I’d love to credit them.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #narcissisticabuse #cptsd
Like many of you who’ve generously shared your sto Like many of you who’ve generously shared your story with me through the years, I’ve walked this brutal path of living through a life-altering smear campaign, too.
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So if it feels like a resource, this is for you:❤️‍🩹
A Lament for a Smear Campaign 
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(And other types of narcissistic abuse)
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For the ways we have been slandered for telling the truth, 
.
We grieve. 
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For the ways that reality has been contorted so we can no longer recognize it, 
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We cry out. 
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For the ways relationships were weaponized as part of the harm, 
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We lament. 
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For the ways those causing harm are celebrated, 
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We dissent. 
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For the bodies that were made to carry shame they do not own, 
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We honor. 
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For the ways you meet us in the valley of the shadow, O God—
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We remember. 
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Selah.
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#HealAnyway #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor #TrySofter #cptsd #narcissticabuse
I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my latest manuscript (IYKYN)—and as I work on a particularly vulnerable and painful story, I am holding these words from the inimitable Henri Nouwen like a prayer: 
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“When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” 
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May it be so. #trysofter #healanyway #stronglikewater #cptsd #woundedhealers
May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
.
*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
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