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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

May 5, 2015 ·

To My Girl…

Uncategorized

As many of you know, my theme word for the year is “notice.” So as we approach Mother’s Day, I have taken extra care to notice the gift (and often the hardships too), that come with being a mom. This letter comes from that place. Enjoy XO.


My darling T, 

This morning we went to a pre-school and had our very first tour. At first you couldn’t wait for me to drop you off but by the time we arrived you already had said, “please stay with me mom. I don’t want you to leave.” As we walked around, your chubby little hands clutched mine, but I also saw you smile at all the new kiddos and the interesting class pets they had.  And now you are in the other room sleeping soundly. I love watching you sleep. It’s the time when daddy sometimes has to keep me from crawling into bed with you. You have no idea how many times after you have fallen asleep that I stare at your monitor and admire the little person that you are. I love you so.

This morning was a bit hard, what with several wardrobe changes, tantrums and the craziness of leaving the house before seeing the school, but I wish I could pause where you are right now. It causes my heart to ache as I watch your little body growing bigger every day.

When you were younger, I really didn’t understand how fast you would change. And now I do. One day you look at me and all you can say is ‘ma-ma’ and the next you say, “mom, I think we should pray for daddy.” And I know I sound like every other stereotypical mom, but it’s so beautifully bittersweet to watch you grow. It’s only bitter because I so badly want to cherish this season of your life, and sometimes I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job.

And sometimes that’s true. T, I’m sorry for the times when I’m tired or distracted or hungry and I don’t give you what you need.

But, I think it’s important for you to also know that I will never be perfect, and that’s why I am so glad you know about Jesus. He is so good, and even though I will always do my best for you, I want you to know that He loves you even more than Mom and Dad. He will never leave you and He is the best Hope. It is so worth it to trust him, my girl. I hope you’ll hide that in your heart.

My sweet girl, I am also writing this because I am so excited for you to start school, but I am also a little sad. Mostly because I know that the changes will just continue to get bigger, and someday you won’t need me like you need me now. That’s a good thing! But you are such a gift to daddy and me. I couldn’t ask for more in my life. I am so ecstatic about the person you are and also the person you are becoming. Your imagination is wild and I love that about you. I love seeing your interest in the world and the tenderness of your heart. I am so grateful that God chose me to be your mom and I want you to know that it is the great honor of my life.

With all my heart,

Mom

 

Linking up this week at:  Intentionally Pursuing , Sue Detweiler, Simplified Life and Purposeful Faith

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Comments

  1. Crystal Storms says

    May 8, 2015 at 5:16 pm

    Aundi, I love that you are noticing and embracing each season with your little "T." Thank you for sharing your heart at #IntentionalTuesday on Intentionally Pursuing. : )

    • Andrea Kolber says

      May 11, 2015 at 2:22 pm

      Thanks so much, Crystal!

In trauma work, this is called “titration”—and it In trauma work, this is called “titration”—and it can be a vital posture to help pace ourselves when we’re faced with too much (whether from past trauma, current overwhelm or both).
🌿
May you have what you need to take the smallest step in the right direction. 🫶🏻
#trysofter
#stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #nervoussystemwork #regulation
But here, may your shattered pieces be gathered; b But here, may your shattered pieces be gathered; back to yourself & back to your Creator.
🌿
Here, may you know it makes sense to feel what you feel.
🌿
You are & may still be passing through the valley of the shadow, so if all you can do is breathe...
🌿
Then breathe.
.
In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day // 
Supporting trauma survivors is suicide prevention 
❤️‍🩹✌🏻 
#trysofter #cptsd #grief #healing #stronglikewater
.
(Originally written and shared in 2022 🫶🏻)
A few soft & fierce notes for you today. As always A few soft & fierce notes for you today. As always, take what you need.🌿
#trysofter #fierceselfcompassion #stronglikewater #cptsd #loveyourneighborASYourself
Whether it’s in a family, a romantic relationship, Whether it’s in a family, a romantic relationship, a church, a Netflix documentary (#MicaMiller), or a friendship—one of the goals of narcissistic abuse is to destabilize and disorient. 
.
May you have what you need to come home to your God-given center.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #narcissisticabuse #cptsd 
Fawning
Holding these thoughts like a prayer tonight. If i Holding these thoughts like a prayer tonight. If it resonates, it’s for you.🫶🏻 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healing #trauma
A few soft & fierce reminders for you tonight. As A few soft & fierce reminders for you tonight. As always, take what you need.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikwater #LoveYourNeighborAsYourself #cptsd #fawning 
fierceselfcompassion selfcompassion
Am I an expressive speaker? You better believe it. Am I an expressive speaker? You better believe it. 🙃 
🌿
It was an honor to be with The Abundant Conference this weekend in St. Louis, helping to address and resource folks in the work of integrating faith and mental health; and ultimately, leaning into a paradoxical truth that God invites us toward—“to be soft is to be strong.”
.
(So much gratitude to The Crossing Church, JoyFM, and each of the gifted speakers who shared their heart and talents. ✨🫶🏻)
#TrySofter #StronglikeWater #Beloved #LoveYourNeighborASYourself 
@curtthompsonmd @iamdavidhawkins @991joyfm @bdwmusic @crossingstl 
.
Also, thanks to @emilyachristopher for the first picture.💛
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