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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

June 4, 2015 ·

Moment to Moment

Uncategorized

I stared down at her plump cheeks and her dark lashes and thought, ‘I have so much to do today.’

“But mom, please put on your party dress.”

She handed me the crotchet blanket that would serve as my dress. Not unlike many mornings, my Tiny wanted me to focus on her for a while; she wanted me to enter her world of imagination.

Sometimes I am able to do that really well. I have begun to appreciate that she’s 3, and take advantage of the moments; it will surely change soon. I don’t want to miss them. 

I have found when I acknowledge the value of a moment, there’s grace there. My ‘to do’ list is not gone, but I find God gives me the courage and strength to accomplish important things. 

It causes me to remember a post from awhile back by Micha Boyett called “An Invitation to Choose the Better Thing.” Micha is a lovely writer and she ponders the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10. Typically, most of us believe we are EITHER a Martha or Mary. Micha wonders if we can actually be both? She invites us to recognize that in every moment we can choose the better thing. (If you haven’t read it, please stop and do so. Seriously.)

Micha summarizes her perspective this way:

“What is the better thing in this moment? That’s the question. Not whether you’re a Mary or a Martha. But whether you’re wise enough to discern the opportunity for peace and joy that is being offered to you— now, right here— in the presence of Jesus. ”

— Micha Boyett

Micha’s post has resonated with me since I read it because I’m not always a Martha or Mary. It’s not that simple. I can be all of those things; both a focused, task oriented doer and and a lover of moments and people. I connect with the Lord and people in both of those spaces. 

In Luke 10:41-42, Jesus says to Martha: ‘ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

It’s interesting that what Jesus honors about Mary is her recognition in the moment of the better thing. And for that moment, it was to experience God’s presence by relishing Jesus and sitting at his feet. 

This morning, choosing the better thing meant I needed to be present with my daughter. She needed me to put down my tasks and distractions and revel in summer, and imagination and morning snuggles. 

The better thing for me was to notice the patchy sunlight coming through the trees, and taste the earthiness of my coffee. 

I met God in that moment. That’s how I’m certain I chose the better thing.

He gave me peace for that tiny sliver of time. Like the Israelites in the desert who God provided for day by day; God does this for me too. It still inspires awe in me when it happens, a tiny miracle just for me.

But let’s not forget about Martha. Her desire to serve Jesus through hospitality was admirable; sometimes that can be the better thing. Yet, she carried worry and frustration with her. It causes me to wonder if she knew the better thing was actually to stop and sink into the moment, but her sense of obligation and guilt kept her on her path. 

I can be like that too, I have empathy for how Martha came to that place. 

But what if her heart had been different? If she had been setting the table, making the food and prepping the house for Jesus out of an authentic desire; would she have been choosing the better thing?

Possibly, but I am not sure and I don’t want to read that into scripture. 

Yet, it’s a reminder for me that when I serve, I want to do it from authenticity. Because serving is needed, beautiful, and helpful.

What I want you to see here, dear reader, is this isn’t an either/or situation in regards to choosing the better thing. This is a both/and situation, in which we experience God both through sinking into presence and by serving; and the combination can change from moment to moment.

As we stand at the crossroad of moments, I pray that each of us would let go of all the ‘shoulds’ that keep us in unhealthy cycles and instead tap into the only true source of wisdom and peace; that is truly the better thing. 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Kelly Smith says

    June 5, 2015 at 10:41 am

    I fight obligation, too. Now that the kids are home during the day, it has been hard to switch to mama mode during the school hours. I am trying to remind myself that these summer days of their childhood are short and will be over before I am ready. Thank you for the encouragement today!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      June 6, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Kelly, thanks so much for stopping in. Yes, obligation can be so difficult and it’s tempting to allow that to rule our choices. I love hearing you remember how short the days truly are. That’s something I’m trying to remind myself daily. Thanks for your encouragement!

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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