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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

June 4, 2015 ·

Moment to Moment

Uncategorized

I stared down at her plump cheeks and her dark lashes and thought, ‘I have so much to do today.’

“But mom, please put on your party dress.”

She handed me the crotchet blanket that would serve as my dress. Not unlike many mornings, my Tiny wanted me to focus on her for a while; she wanted me to enter her world of imagination.

Sometimes I am able to do that really well. I have begun to appreciate that she’s 3, and take advantage of the moments; it will surely change soon. I don’t want to miss them. 

I have found when I acknowledge the value of a moment, there’s grace there. My ‘to do’ list is not gone, but I find God gives me the courage and strength to accomplish important things. 

It causes me to remember a post from awhile back by Micha Boyett called “An Invitation to Choose the Better Thing.” Micha is a lovely writer and she ponders the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10. Typically, most of us believe we are EITHER a Martha or Mary. Micha wonders if we can actually be both? She invites us to recognize that in every moment we can choose the better thing. (If you haven’t read it, please stop and do so. Seriously.)

Micha summarizes her perspective this way:

“What is the better thing in this moment? That’s the question. Not whether you’re a Mary or a Martha. But whether you’re wise enough to discern the opportunity for peace and joy that is being offered to you— now, right here— in the presence of Jesus. ”

— Micha Boyett

Micha’s post has resonated with me since I read it because I’m not always a Martha or Mary. It’s not that simple. I can be all of those things; both a focused, task oriented doer and and a lover of moments and people. I connect with the Lord and people in both of those spaces. 

In Luke 10:41-42, Jesus says to Martha: ‘ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

It’s interesting that what Jesus honors about Mary is her recognition in the moment of the better thing. And for that moment, it was to experience God’s presence by relishing Jesus and sitting at his feet. 

This morning, choosing the better thing meant I needed to be present with my daughter. She needed me to put down my tasks and distractions and revel in summer, and imagination and morning snuggles. 

The better thing for me was to notice the patchy sunlight coming through the trees, and taste the earthiness of my coffee. 

I met God in that moment. That’s how I’m certain I chose the better thing.

He gave me peace for that tiny sliver of time. Like the Israelites in the desert who God provided for day by day; God does this for me too. It still inspires awe in me when it happens, a tiny miracle just for me.

But let’s not forget about Martha. Her desire to serve Jesus through hospitality was admirable; sometimes that can be the better thing. Yet, she carried worry and frustration with her. It causes me to wonder if she knew the better thing was actually to stop and sink into the moment, but her sense of obligation and guilt kept her on her path. 

I can be like that too, I have empathy for how Martha came to that place. 

But what if her heart had been different? If she had been setting the table, making the food and prepping the house for Jesus out of an authentic desire; would she have been choosing the better thing?

Possibly, but I am not sure and I don’t want to read that into scripture. 

Yet, it’s a reminder for me that when I serve, I want to do it from authenticity. Because serving is needed, beautiful, and helpful.

What I want you to see here, dear reader, is this isn’t an either/or situation in regards to choosing the better thing. This is a both/and situation, in which we experience God both through sinking into presence and by serving; and the combination can change from moment to moment.

As we stand at the crossroad of moments, I pray that each of us would let go of all the ‘shoulds’ that keep us in unhealthy cycles and instead tap into the only true source of wisdom and peace; that is truly the better thing. 

 

 

 

 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kelly Smith says

    June 5, 2015 at 10:41 am

    I fight obligation, too. Now that the kids are home during the day, it has been hard to switch to mama mode during the school hours. I am trying to remind myself that these summer days of their childhood are short and will be over before I am ready. Thank you for the encouragement today!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      June 6, 2015 at 2:13 pm

      Kelly, thanks so much for stopping in. Yes, obligation can be so difficult and it’s tempting to allow that to rule our choices. I love hearing you remember how short the days truly are. That’s something I’m trying to remind myself daily. Thanks for your encouragement!

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
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Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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