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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

July 2, 2015 ·

Will You Take the Leap?

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My brain is fried in the best possible way. I’ve got days of learning and tips and good information all piled in there like a library that needs a book sale. Writing isn’t for the faint of heart. 

I gaze at people networking and connecting all around in our cozy conference space and I notice the slight discomfort in my chest. 

Then dazed, I realize the moment might pass for me to connect too. If I don’t act now, it might be gone.

If I don’t march up to Jonathan Merritt with my heart beating out of my chest and start talking to him, because my opportunity is here, I won’t get another.

***

Sometimes you have to leap, you have to try. That’s the sensation I felt when I attended “Writer’s Boot Camp,” and interacted with some amazing people.

Now is the moment.

The first day I looked around and realized these cadets aren’t here on accident. They didn’t sign up for this conference and think, ‘Hey, that sounds better than a spa weekend.”  

I realized they were like me; frenzied lives, mounds on their plate. But they couldn’t ignore that the craft of writing matters, and it’s calling to them, so they’re here. They hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality. 

***

Folks looked like business and ready to work. Those writers were hungry. They wanted to learn and the electricity in the room was tangible. 

That was them, but can I tell the truth here?

I walked into the room and felt my knees shake and my voice catch. Sure was glad I wore deodorant, because I needed it. 

But still, I was there. 

Presented with an opportunity to learn, to grow something that I care about deeply, writing.

So I took it.

I didn’t just take it, I jumped into the ice cold water of it and swam around. I looked my fear in the eye and said ‘That’s all you got?” 

I reached out when I felt uncomfortable but soon made connections. I asked questions when I wondered if it was stupid. I walked up to Margaret Feinberg and Jonathan Merritt and knew that I was enough, even though I was intimidated as an elf is to Santa Claus. 

Reader, I am so grateful that I chose to show up. I am so thankful that I chose to lean into my story and not pretend it doesn’t matter. Writing does matter, talking to my audience matters. Living a brave story matters. Empowering others to live courageously matters. 

It’s interesting how some lessons are like an onion. You can peel away three or four layers and guess what? There are more waiting. I think bravery and perfectionism are like that. You begin to think you’re enough, and then find yourself in a situation where you feel infinitely not enough.

What do you do with that? Do you allow that to be your truth? Do you allow the narrative of scarcity to write your story?

I wonder, what would it take for you to stare your fear in the face? What would allow you to own your story and then take the leap anyway? 

Maybe today’s the day to find out. 

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Previous Post: « Becoming Un-Stuck
Next Post: Why I Won’t Fix You {Even When You Make Me Uncomfortable} Pt. 1 »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robin Lee says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I LOVE your graphic. I am so excited for you and so happy to have connected with a group of FTL people who want to learn, grow and get better! Please count me in with those you write about who "hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality." WELL SAID!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Robin, thank you so much! I will absolutely count you as one who is honing the craft and I sure love our FTL community. Thanks for your support.

  2. Andrea Stunz says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Love this!! Good job on going first! I’m so jealous you and Terri got to hang out. In Colorado, no less! Ahhh…. we’ll meet someday. Until then, keep inspiring. Keep writing. Keep giving the gift of second.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Andrea, thank you so much. I love your heart and it encourages me to see being brave with your story. Thanks for your encouragement!

  3. Scott Kedersha says

    July 2, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Well said, Aundi! I am tracking with you 100%. Your site looks great – great images. Well done! Best wishes to you, Lieutenant!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Thanks so much Scott! I am excited to check out your work and stay in contact. Your encouragement means a ton.

  4. Kelly Smith says

    July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

    You have me all pumped and excited for She Speaks! I am nervous and I know I will want to hide in the corner when I get there. Thanks for speaking up. I need to come back and read this before I travel to NC! #FTL

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 2:09 am

      So glad you’re feeling inspired. It is such a unique opportunity to be in a place where so many things can happen. I’m really glad you’ll get that chance and I’ll look forward to hearing about it. Thanks for stopping by!

May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
🌿
If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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