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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

July 2, 2015 ·

Will You Take the Leap?

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My brain is fried in the best possible way. I’ve got days of learning and tips and good information all piled in there like a library that needs a book sale. Writing isn’t for the faint of heart. 

I gaze at people networking and connecting all around in our cozy conference space and I notice the slight discomfort in my chest. 

Then dazed, I realize the moment might pass for me to connect too. If I don’t act now, it might be gone.

If I don’t march up to Jonathan Merritt with my heart beating out of my chest and start talking to him, because my opportunity is here, I won’t get another.

***

Sometimes you have to leap, you have to try. That’s the sensation I felt when I attended “Writer’s Boot Camp,” and interacted with some amazing people.

Now is the moment.

The first day I looked around and realized these cadets aren’t here on accident. They didn’t sign up for this conference and think, ‘Hey, that sounds better than a spa weekend.”  

I realized they were like me; frenzied lives, mounds on their plate. But they couldn’t ignore that the craft of writing matters, and it’s calling to them, so they’re here. They hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality. 

***

Folks looked like business and ready to work. Those writers were hungry. They wanted to learn and the electricity in the room was tangible. 

That was them, but can I tell the truth here?

I walked into the room and felt my knees shake and my voice catch. Sure was glad I wore deodorant, because I needed it. 

But still, I was there. 

Presented with an opportunity to learn, to grow something that I care about deeply, writing.

So I took it.

I didn’t just take it, I jumped into the ice cold water of it and swam around. I looked my fear in the eye and said ‘That’s all you got?” 

I reached out when I felt uncomfortable but soon made connections. I asked questions when I wondered if it was stupid. I walked up to Margaret Feinberg and Jonathan Merritt and knew that I was enough, even though I was intimidated as an elf is to Santa Claus. 

Reader, I am so grateful that I chose to show up. I am so thankful that I chose to lean into my story and not pretend it doesn’t matter. Writing does matter, talking to my audience matters. Living a brave story matters. Empowering others to live courageously matters. 

It’s interesting how some lessons are like an onion. You can peel away three or four layers and guess what? There are more waiting. I think bravery and perfectionism are like that. You begin to think you’re enough, and then find yourself in a situation where you feel infinitely not enough.

What do you do with that? Do you allow that to be your truth? Do you allow the narrative of scarcity to write your story?

I wonder, what would it take for you to stare your fear in the face? What would allow you to own your story and then take the leap anyway? 

Maybe today’s the day to find out. 

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Previous Post: « Becoming Un-Stuck
Next Post: Why I Won’t Fix You {Even When You Make Me Uncomfortable} Pt. 1 »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robin Lee says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I LOVE your graphic. I am so excited for you and so happy to have connected with a group of FTL people who want to learn, grow and get better! Please count me in with those you write about who "hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality." WELL SAID!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Robin, thank you so much! I will absolutely count you as one who is honing the craft and I sure love our FTL community. Thanks for your support.

  2. Andrea Stunz says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Love this!! Good job on going first! I’m so jealous you and Terri got to hang out. In Colorado, no less! Ahhh…. we’ll meet someday. Until then, keep inspiring. Keep writing. Keep giving the gift of second.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Andrea, thank you so much. I love your heart and it encourages me to see being brave with your story. Thanks for your encouragement!

  3. Scott Kedersha says

    July 2, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Well said, Aundi! I am tracking with you 100%. Your site looks great – great images. Well done! Best wishes to you, Lieutenant!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Thanks so much Scott! I am excited to check out your work and stay in contact. Your encouragement means a ton.

  4. Kelly Smith says

    July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

    You have me all pumped and excited for She Speaks! I am nervous and I know I will want to hide in the corner when I get there. Thanks for speaking up. I need to come back and read this before I travel to NC! #FTL

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 2:09 am

      So glad you’re feeling inspired. It is such a unique opportunity to be in a place where so many things can happen. I’m really glad you’ll get that chance and I’ll look forward to hearing about it. Thanks for stopping by!

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
🌿
Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
🌿
This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
🌿
Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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