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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

July 2, 2015 ·

Will You Take the Leap?

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My brain is fried in the best possible way. I’ve got days of learning and tips and good information all piled in there like a library that needs a book sale. Writing isn’t for the faint of heart. 

I gaze at people networking and connecting all around in our cozy conference space and I notice the slight discomfort in my chest. 

Then dazed, I realize the moment might pass for me to connect too. If I don’t act now, it might be gone.

If I don’t march up to Jonathan Merritt with my heart beating out of my chest and start talking to him, because my opportunity is here, I won’t get another.

***

Sometimes you have to leap, you have to try. That’s the sensation I felt when I attended “Writer’s Boot Camp,” and interacted with some amazing people.

Now is the moment.

The first day I looked around and realized these cadets aren’t here on accident. They didn’t sign up for this conference and think, ‘Hey, that sounds better than a spa weekend.”  

I realized they were like me; frenzied lives, mounds on their plate. But they couldn’t ignore that the craft of writing matters, and it’s calling to them, so they’re here. They hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality. 

***

Folks looked like business and ready to work. Those writers were hungry. They wanted to learn and the electricity in the room was tangible. 

That was them, but can I tell the truth here?

I walked into the room and felt my knees shake and my voice catch. Sure was glad I wore deodorant, because I needed it. 

But still, I was there. 

Presented with an opportunity to learn, to grow something that I care about deeply, writing.

So I took it.

I didn’t just take it, I jumped into the ice cold water of it and swam around. I looked my fear in the eye and said ‘That’s all you got?” 

I reached out when I felt uncomfortable but soon made connections. I asked questions when I wondered if it was stupid. I walked up to Margaret Feinberg and Jonathan Merritt and knew that I was enough, even though I was intimidated as an elf is to Santa Claus. 

Reader, I am so grateful that I chose to show up. I am so thankful that I chose to lean into my story and not pretend it doesn’t matter. Writing does matter, talking to my audience matters. Living a brave story matters. Empowering others to live courageously matters. 

It’s interesting how some lessons are like an onion. You can peel away three or four layers and guess what? There are more waiting. I think bravery and perfectionism are like that. You begin to think you’re enough, and then find yourself in a situation where you feel infinitely not enough.

What do you do with that? Do you allow that to be your truth? Do you allow the narrative of scarcity to write your story?

I wonder, what would it take for you to stare your fear in the face? What would allow you to own your story and then take the leap anyway? 

Maybe today’s the day to find out. 

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Previous Post: « Becoming Un-Stuck
Next Post: Why I Won’t Fix You {Even When You Make Me Uncomfortable} Pt. 1 »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robin Lee says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    I LOVE your graphic. I am so excited for you and so happy to have connected with a group of FTL people who want to learn, grow and get better! Please count me in with those you write about who "hope to spin their dreams into the web of reality." WELL SAID!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Robin, thank you so much! I will absolutely count you as one who is honing the craft and I sure love our FTL community. Thanks for your support.

  2. Andrea Stunz says

    July 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm

    Love this!! Good job on going first! I’m so jealous you and Terri got to hang out. In Colorado, no less! Ahhh…. we’ll meet someday. Until then, keep inspiring. Keep writing. Keep giving the gift of second.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Andrea, thank you so much. I love your heart and it encourages me to see being brave with your story. Thanks for your encouragement!

  3. Scott Kedersha says

    July 2, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    Well said, Aundi! I am tracking with you 100%. Your site looks great – great images. Well done! Best wishes to you, Lieutenant!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 1:43 am

      Thanks so much Scott! I am excited to check out your work and stay in contact. Your encouragement means a ton.

  4. Kelly Smith says

    July 3, 2015 at 1:42 am

    You have me all pumped and excited for She Speaks! I am nervous and I know I will want to hide in the corner when I get there. Thanks for speaking up. I need to come back and read this before I travel to NC! #FTL

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 3, 2015 at 2:09 am

      So glad you’re feeling inspired. It is such a unique opportunity to be in a place where so many things can happen. I’m really glad you’ll get that chance and I’ll look forward to hearing about it. Thanks for stopping by!

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
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Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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