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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 2, 2015 ·

Setting It Straight {3 Ways to Live Well Now}

Uncategorized

“The thief comes only to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and life to the full” John 10:10 (NIV) 

Last year, I realized that my schedule was starting to get the best of me. It felt like it was controlling me, rather than it allowing me to live the life I wanted to live. At times, I felt harried and frazzled and really wanted to blame it all on circumstances.

As a recovering perfectionist, it can still be hard for me to admit when something doesn’t feel right. But I have learned that by the grace of God and paying attention, I can usually get to the bottom of what’s going on. And so I allowed myself to stay curious and wonder about what I could change.

It became clear that it wasn’t a simple fix, but rather a series of adjustments that would keep in line with my goals, my family’s needs and my desires to continue as a professional in my field.

And so I began to chew on some options. I took some risks and said no to things I care about, but caused me to feel overwhelmed.

And then little by little, I began to see progress in what my schedule and the layout of my practical life looked like.

Only recently have I begun to see the fruit of changes I made. Initially, the adjustments looked a lot like faith, as I had to cling to the hope of what I wanted to see but wasn’t yet evident in front of my eyes.

My own struggle and story got me thinking about the way we often stay stuck in our patterns of life.

I think sometimes we’re afraid.

Sometimes we’re numb.

Sometimes we don’t even know it can be any different. We don’t even realize that we GET to choose so much of our life. What a gift.

So, if you’re ready to break out of that pattern, here are just a few things to consider for when you’re ready to start living:

 1.    Get Your Priorities Straight: This will be surprising, but you don’t have unlimited capabilities (me either!). God has given us limits, and that’s a good thing, because it point us to him. When we think we can be all things to all people, we either try to be a part of everything or we want to completely check out (because we burn out). It’s easy to go through cycles like this. It creates a frustrating progression where we either feel uninvolved or overwhelmed. So what’s the alternative? One key that allows us to enact strategies like setting boundaries requires us to know our priorities. 

What matters to you? How are you causing that to be a priority in your life? If people looked at your life, how would they know it’s a priority?

2.     Stay Curious: If something is continually causing you stress and anxiety, begin to wonder about it. Could it change? Do you need it?

We can quickly get lulled to sleep by routine and by life. We stop asking if new ideas are possible and begin believing that nothing will ever change. But when we are willing to wonder, to ask the question if it’s a possibility for circumstances to change, we then have a place to start. So what are you wondering about?

3.     Take a risk: Once we’ve begun asking questions, many folks stop there.

 Oh, that’s my next step, well that’s nice. Can you pass the salt?

It’s an entirely different thing to act upon our curiosity and our priorities. This is where we must call on our courage, resources, and faith to bolster us as we do hard things. But if you are already willing to do the work of building awareness of priorities and curiosity, I can bet that it will be worth it for you to risk allowing your life to be different. 

**

How about you? What allows you to live life well? 

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Previous Post: « Hurts So Good {On Learning to Stay With It}
Next Post: When We Learn How to Care {On Treating Ourselves Nicely} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Dave Chung says

    September 2, 2015 at 10:07 pm

    Great post, Aundi!

    I started living life well when I realized that I was the only one holding me back from going after what I wanted. It was a process of figuring out what I didn’t like about what I was doing, deciding what it was that I really wanted, and then realizing that I could actually go after it.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      September 4, 2015 at 6:21 pm

      I love your thoughts, Dave! Yes, ultimately we choose a lot of our path don’t we? Thanks for your encouragement too!

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
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Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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