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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 26, 2016 ·

A Letter to Those Who Wait {Guest Post for the Glorious Table}

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“From the end of the earth I will cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps. 61:2 NKJV)

I see you there, waiting, with expectation and a touch of dread. I see every time you’ve hoped, and every time that hope has been dashed.

 Photo Cred: The Glorious Table 

Photo Cred: The Glorious Table 

I’ve observed the way you grieve over unfulfilled desires. I’ve watched the way you beat yourself up because you desperately want happiness, you want to be grateful for the blessings you do have. But your heart carries a hole, and hidden there is the grief of what may never be.

You might be the understated beauty I just passed on the sidewalk, whose eyes reflect the pain of the love that feels like it will never come. Each winter filled with the glint of engagement rings feels like a slow torture. And as more and more invitations to summer weddings pour in, you feel as though yours will never happen.

Or maybe you’re the tender heart who can’t look at social media as each and every person you know shares news of their growing families. You wonder if and when it will ever happen for you. Your own body seems to betray you monthly. You want with all your being to celebrate the gift of life your dear ones have been blessed with, but sometimes the grief and the longing feel so thick it seems you might get stuck there.

I wonder if you’re the lovely who’s home all day with the curious, vibrant, sticky, amazing, nerve-wracking children. When you’re up in the middle of the night, you consider whether what you do matters. That degree you’re still paying for—was it worth it?  The precious knees you kiss and the tears you wipe and the love you give–you ponder whether they will ever leave time for the desire to write or paint or travel.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re none of these, but you still feel the deep ache of longing. You don’t belong in any one category; you’re just familiar with the cavern of a life that isn’t as it should be, or at least doesn’t look the way you hoped it would.

Keep reading over at the Glorious Table. 

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Previous Post: « My Life Giving Word of the Year
Next Post: In Defense of Self Care: What It Is and Why It Matters {Guest Post for The Glorious Table} »
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
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Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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