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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 26, 2016 ·

A Letter to Those Who Wait {Guest Post for the Glorious Table}

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“From the end of the earth I will cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Ps. 61:2 NKJV)

I see you there, waiting, with expectation and a touch of dread. I see every time you’ve hoped, and every time that hope has been dashed.

 Photo Cred: The Glorious Table 

Photo Cred: The Glorious Table 

I’ve observed the way you grieve over unfulfilled desires. I’ve watched the way you beat yourself up because you desperately want happiness, you want to be grateful for the blessings you do have. But your heart carries a hole, and hidden there is the grief of what may never be.

You might be the understated beauty I just passed on the sidewalk, whose eyes reflect the pain of the love that feels like it will never come. Each winter filled with the glint of engagement rings feels like a slow torture. And as more and more invitations to summer weddings pour in, you feel as though yours will never happen.

Or maybe you’re the tender heart who can’t look at social media as each and every person you know shares news of their growing families. You wonder if and when it will ever happen for you. Your own body seems to betray you monthly. You want with all your being to celebrate the gift of life your dear ones have been blessed with, but sometimes the grief and the longing feel so thick it seems you might get stuck there.

I wonder if you’re the lovely who’s home all day with the curious, vibrant, sticky, amazing, nerve-wracking children. When you’re up in the middle of the night, you consider whether what you do matters. That degree you’re still paying for—was it worth it?  The precious knees you kiss and the tears you wipe and the love you give–you ponder whether they will ever leave time for the desire to write or paint or travel.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re none of these, but you still feel the deep ache of longing. You don’t belong in any one category; you’re just familiar with the cavern of a life that isn’t as it should be, or at least doesn’t look the way you hoped it would.

Keep reading over at the Glorious Table. 

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Previous Post: « My Life Giving Word of the Year
Next Post: In Defense of Self Care: What It Is and Why It Matters {Guest Post for The Glorious Table} »
It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
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God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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