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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

February 3, 2016 ·

In Defense of Self Care: What It Is and Why It Matters {Guest Post for The Glorious Table}

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I used to think self care was selfish.

If I’m honest, it was because I was jealous. As a classic overly responsible, perfectionistic overachiever, the thing I most longed for was the ability to say no and find rest.

And so, because I didn’t understand and couldn’t seem to manage my own self care, I was critical of it.

But then, like scales falling from my eyes, I began to see. It wasn’t until I took a serious look at my own unhealthy practices and dynamics that I realized how they were affecting my ability to live—and thrive—in the fullest way.

And then the epiphany came: self care is like breathing.

If we truly want to live, we don’t have a whole lot of choice on whether we do self care. In fact, the idea of rest is so vital that God caused it to be woven into our weekly rhythms.

 Photo courtesy of The Glorious Table 

Photo courtesy of The Glorious Table 

Honoring your body, soul, and spirit is not a luxury—it’s a requirement in order to be well. Unlike breathing, we can technically exist without self care—but it may mean we are resentful, angry, and exhausted.

How’s that for abundant life?

As a counselor, one of the primary skills I seek to teach every client is increased self-awareness and the ability to implement necessary self care.

What do I mean when I say self care? I mean practices that restore you to your truest and best self. These practices renew and revive.

So why does it matter so much?

Click here to keep reading over at The Glorious Table. 

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Previous Post: « A Letter to Those Who Wait {Guest Post for the Glorious Table}
Next Post: In the Meantime: Thoughts on Grieving Well »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Greer Oharah says

    February 3, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this. I definitely tend towards feeling selfish when taking time for myself — I appreciate hearing this perspective.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 4, 2016 at 2:55 am

      I’m grateful you stopped in to comment, Greer. I agree, the misconception of self care can be damaging–to the point that we don’t practice it all. Thanks for saying hello.

These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
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But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
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And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
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As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
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