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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

February 3, 2016 ·

In Defense of Self Care: What It Is and Why It Matters {Guest Post for The Glorious Table}

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I used to think self care was selfish.

If I’m honest, it was because I was jealous. As a classic overly responsible, perfectionistic overachiever, the thing I most longed for was the ability to say no and find rest.

And so, because I didn’t understand and couldn’t seem to manage my own self care, I was critical of it.

But then, like scales falling from my eyes, I began to see. It wasn’t until I took a serious look at my own unhealthy practices and dynamics that I realized how they were affecting my ability to live—and thrive—in the fullest way.

And then the epiphany came: self care is like breathing.

If we truly want to live, we don’t have a whole lot of choice on whether we do self care. In fact, the idea of rest is so vital that God caused it to be woven into our weekly rhythms.

 Photo courtesy of The Glorious Table 

Photo courtesy of The Glorious Table 

Honoring your body, soul, and spirit is not a luxury—it’s a requirement in order to be well. Unlike breathing, we can technically exist without self care—but it may mean we are resentful, angry, and exhausted.

How’s that for abundant life?

As a counselor, one of the primary skills I seek to teach every client is increased self-awareness and the ability to implement necessary self care.

What do I mean when I say self care? I mean practices that restore you to your truest and best self. These practices renew and revive.

So why does it matter so much?

Click here to keep reading over at The Glorious Table. 

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Previous Post: « A Letter to Those Who Wait {Guest Post for the Glorious Table}
Next Post: In the Meantime: Thoughts on Grieving Well »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Greer Oharah says

    February 3, 2016 at 11:40 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this. I definitely tend towards feeling selfish when taking time for myself — I appreciate hearing this perspective.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      February 4, 2016 at 2:55 am

      I’m grateful you stopped in to comment, Greer. I agree, the misconception of self care can be damaging–to the point that we don’t practice it all. Thanks for saying hello.

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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