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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 5, 2016 ·

My Life Giving Word of the Year

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Last January, for the first time ever, I chose a word as a theme. The word was notice.

Sort of a simple one, it seems. But for me, it was unbelievably refreshing. (You can read more about it here.) I’ve been grateful for this #OneWord prompt because it was a constant reminder. Instead of my instinct, which cries: “Work harder! Be more productive! Go quicker!” Notice was like an anchor, it simply whispered—be here. Pay attention. Look around; grace abounds right where you are.

And so I did.

At times, I fought to notice. Sometimes I would totally forget about it, but always it called me back. No pressure, Aundi, just notice the details. Don’t miss them, this is your life and it’s happening.

Am I done yet? As in, did this cure me of a heart that is perpetually leaning toward striving?

Not by a long shot.

I think I could have the word notice tattooed on my arm and it would still be helpful, but I think it’s served it’s purpose for now.

And so, we move on to 2016. With great hope and expectation we look forward to this new year. After many internal dialogues and prayer, here is where I stand: 

Celebrate.

You see, if last year was a call to stay in the moment, then this year is a call to see the goodness in the moments and to make much of them. It also strikes me as requiring incredible courage to celebrate when life is hard or scary or difficult.

And if I’m honest, 2015 had some very difficult moments. I’m certain 2016 will too.

But I have become unwilling to sacrifice the beauty of moments for potential pain that may or may not come.

It’s easy to do, isn’t it? Avoiding joy so we can also avoid pain. It’s so tempting to idolize safety and control over honoring a moment. And yet, I am continually brought back to the value of celebration. In my most clear moments, this is what comes to me: I don’t think I’ll ever regret my joy over something in my life, even if it’s temporary. 

Will I grieve, when and if it leaves? Surely. 

But my pain would not be lessened if I had not celebrated. It may even be greater, for I may have to live with the reality that I didn’t value the full extent of it’s goodness. 

And so this year, as we go about the daily rituals of life, as we drink, and eat, and play and sing– I hope to celebrate the glimmers of joy that are tucked into each and every day.

I hope to push against my nature which naturally waits for the tough things to happen and instead plant a flag in my field of uncertainty. On the flag, here’s what it reads:

This moment is valuable. Stay with it. Hunt for the beauty. Celebrate it big.  

***

How about you? Have you chosen a word for the year?

 

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Previous Post: « The Standouts: My Top 5 Posts of 2015
Next Post: A Letter to Those Who Wait {Guest Post for the Glorious Table} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kelly Ivey Johnson says

    January 5, 2016 at 3:03 pm

    Love this, my friend! Let me share a scripture I discovered yesterday that fits beautifully with your word. I was reading the first chapter of Ephesians and playing with the different translations. In The Message translation, in verse 6, it says this in talking about God’s decision to make us His own: "He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son."

    I haven’t been able to get the words "celebration of His lavish gift-giving" out of my mind ever since! And then this today. Anyway, I’m grateful for your words and happy to join you in this celebration!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      January 7, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      What a timely scripture, Kelly! Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I will tuck it into my heart this year as I lean into celebration. Grateful for you!

  2. Andrea Kolber says

    January 7, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    What a timely scripture, Kelly! Thank you so much for sharing it with me. I will tuck it into my heart this year as I lean into celebration. Grateful for you!

  3. Kelly Smith says

    January 14, 2016 at 11:11 am

    I really, really love this! This line here: "But my pain would not be lessened if I had not celebrated. It may even be greater, for I may have to live with the reality that I didn’t value the full extent of its goodness." I read this post several days ago and this concept stuck with me. Celebrating all of the moments, even the short-lived ones, is a beautiful offering of gratitude. Thank you for sharing your wisdom! And thank you for linking up! #FridayFive

    • Andrea Kolber says

      January 17, 2016 at 10:14 pm

      Thank you so much for hosting and for stopping by!

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
.
And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
.
Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
.

Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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