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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 21, 2016 ·

On Chai Tea and Holy {When Ordinary is Sacred}

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Today I write with a cup of chai tea and the first snow of the season falling. Next to me, a small candle is holding vigil. I went for a walk this morning and it felt holy—sacred even. The air pricked at my nose and I felt a stillness I hadn’t felt for some time. It felt like the moment after a gut-wrenching cry. After the catharsis—when the stillness comes, it was like that. It’s a good reminder. A necessary one, as our world has felt at odds lately.

Yes, some things are still holy.

I, too, have beliefs and opinions about the world and how it’s working. I have strong feelings on a plethora of subjects. And yet, what I’ve been learning (and re-learning) is how quickly we lose the humanity of people near us and with us. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to use shame as a sword or guilt as a bludgeon. This is my cry these days. Not only for those around me, but for myself. Oh yes, for me too.

**

This idea of sacred is on my mind today. And I wonder how quickly we dismiss sacred? We invalidate that we should have to honor anything or anyone. We chide a person who holds something as valuable. I think this is a great loss, for all of us. 

And so maybe we all need a long slow walk outside to bring us back to the beginning? To remind us how God made us to worship. And when we don’t worship him, we’ll inevitably find something else to worship. Maybe that’s the space we remember even nature itself points to him, and we need a re-set on this idea sometimes.

I hope sometimes we are struck dumb by beauty.

I pray today someone surprises us. 

My wish for all of is to be astounded by ordinary wonder.

Because, dear ones, this is the point. This tiny life is the adventure he’s given us and it is sacred. It’s our framework to know our creator and to love people. It is holy. It is hard too—but first holy. And if we can recognize our connectedness to the one who makes us, we can also honor the connectedness of those around us.

I can’t think of anything more revolutionary in our times but to live life from a place of connectedness to others, ourselves, and our maker. This would be a life worth living, wouldn’t it?

And so, in a tiny act of revolution I drink my tea, I pray my prayers, I lean on my people and I experience my Jesus. This is ordinary and it is sacred.

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Comments

  1. Joe Rodriguez says

    November 22, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    I absolutely love Chai Tea. I drink it at least twice a day. Your post is a timely message to every believer (myself included) who is unconsciously being sidetracked by the political apathy and social injustices that are prevalent in the world today. I think I’ll just go home tonight, make me another cup of Chai and take a stroll. Thank you!

  2. Andrea Kolber says

    November 23, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    I’m honored to encourage you, Joe. Thanks for stopping in to say hello. Happy Thanksgiving!

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
🌿
Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
🌿
This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
🌿
Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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