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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

December 29, 2016 ·

My Most Clicked Posts of 2016

Uncategorized

Well, hello!

I haven’t been around here much as I’ve finished up my pregnancy and then welcomed our newborn son a few weeks ago. But, I love a good round up post for the year. With that in mind, I’ve come out of the newborn haze for a minute to compile my most read blogs of 2016. 

I’d be honored if you’d give it a read, share it, or shoot me a comment and tell me what moves you. Enjoy!  

5. 5 Ways to be Kind to Yourself in the Middle of the Storm

I love that this is in my top five posts for the year because who didn’t have a tough 2016, at least in some respect? But in all seriousness, much of what I wrote here stems from personal experience as well as teaching clients how to care for themselves through difficult situations. I hope it encourages you too! 

4. A Letter to Those Who Wait

This particular post is so dear to my heart. Last year, before I decided to discuss our struggle with infertility I wrote this post for the Glorious Table. It continues to be a favorite of mine as it points to God’s faithfulness in the middle of whatever we long for. 

3. In the Meantime: Thoughts on grieving WEll

For our family, 2016 was a beautiful year, but also a rollercoaster. This post on grief came from my own reflections on grieving our miscarriage. Through the year I was honored and blessed as folks gave me feedback on ways it touched them and encouraged them through their pain. 

2. In Which Your Everyday Messy Life is Beautiful

As a recovering perfectionist one of the most difficult lessons I continue to learn and re-learn is engaging the messiness of life and letting it be what it is. The intersection of beauty and chaos has become something I love to write about. Primarily because it’s a space I find God speaks to me and grows me. This post is all about learning this lesson in a deeper way. 

1. Learning to Celebrate in the Middle of Pain

Finally, this blog for Huffington Post was my most read of the year. In it I share about holding the joy of my daughter’s life in one hand and the pain of losing a baby in the other. Even still, this piece moves me because of the way it shaped and grew our year. 

 

What about you? What was your favorite post this year? I’d love to know! 


Blessings to you in the coming year, and thanks for reading! 

Aundi

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Previous Post: « If Your Heart is a Bit Broken This Christmas {Guest Post for the Glorious Table}
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When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
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One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
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And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
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Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
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*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
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(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
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**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
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Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
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May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
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As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
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Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
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And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
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This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
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And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
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(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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