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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

January 5, 2017 ·

When You Don’t Want Your Word {My #OneWord365}

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Two years ago, I started identifying a word for the year with the #OneWord365 challenge. It’s been helpful because it acts like a thesis for my year, the main idea under which I place my goals. It’s become a focus of prayer and intention throughout some interesting seasons. I’m always amazed to see how God uses the word to grow me in ways I couldn’t have seen in the beginning.

I’ve considered my word for 2017 for a few weeks now. In the early morning and middle of night feeds for my son, I’ve chewed on it. I’ve watched other folks pick their words and felt a touch envious because I simply couldn’t settle on it. As I’ve wondered and prayed, I’ve felt like God gave me a vision for this year, and yet I doubted it. Honestly, I didn’t want this word.

And in a way, isn’t that the point?

Just the other morning, I woke up and felt so optimistic about the day. Instead of remembering I have a 3 week old baby; I attempted to clean my house, complete too many projects, create time for writing, run a ton of errands, and think I would have energy for even more later in the day.

Bless my heart.

Only then I started to feel the settling of my word:

Small.

This is the year of small for me. This is the year I continue to give myself permission to not do it all. It’s not like I ever had the ability to do it all; it’s that I tried.

And so, I feel the call to a season of less not more. It’s a time where I pay attention to my people and my small calling in order to love better and flourish. I’ve decided to say no to the frustration and energy wasted from banging my proverbial head against the wall when I attempt to live outside of what is mine.

This is my story: I am an over responsible, rigid, perfectionistic, prone to depression and anxiety person who has healed by miles but still has a marathon to go. So while I’ve learned how to accept my limits in many senses, a huge life transition like a newborn brings me back to my start. So again, I am learning how I need to stay small, in the best sense of the word. In the sense that I honor my make up and limits and actually live further into my calling. When I honor how deeply I need Jesus and others I am better. When I accept some days I will literally accomplish almost nothing—at least according to productivity standards–I’m actually more life giving and loving.

** 

Even now as I type this, a part of me wants a “better” word. I want something a little more glamorous. But here we are.

As I look 2017 in the eye, I find a core need is to let go of the desire to be finished, perfected and accomplished. I know someday when I look Jesus face to face, then I’ll be done. Until then, I want to look at the part of myself still asking for too much and say, “sorry.” Perfection doesn’t make me valuable, my identity as beloved does.

This is my calling for the year, to be small, to steward my tiny calling well and to live out of my truest identity.  

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Previous Post: « My Most Clicked Posts of 2016
Next Post: In the Early Hours We Remember {On Gratitude} »

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Comments

  1. Melody Bondurant says

    January 6, 2017 at 3:26 am

    So many blessings on you and this year Aundi, especially with a new one.
    I couldn’t help but smile as I read your post. I am not on Facebook or blogs often, but it always seems timely when I am.
    My word for this year is: limitations
    Go figure. Very much the same idea as you described. My focus is to be at peace and thrive within my human, motherly, and womanly limitations. To recognize them and choose joy instead of frustration at what I can’t do or be.
    It will be a challenge for sure.
    Also, congratulations on your beautiful boy!!!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      January 7, 2017 at 5:05 pm

      Thanks so much, Mel! It’s great to hear from you. And, I love your word and what you’re thinking. There’s something so freeing about leaning into our limits, don’t you think? Blessings to you, my friend.

  2. Rebecca Jean says

    January 12, 2017 at 5:56 pm

    This is a year of limits for me as well. After "fearless" in 2015 and "wild hope" in 2016, it was clear by early Advent that 2017 is the year of "enough." I find it both freeing and confining, so I’m sure it will be a character-building year for me 😉

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
.
As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
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Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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