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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

March 22, 2016 ·

A Hard Reset {On Learning How to Unplug}

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“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott

In the last 33 years, I’ve gathered some important information about myself. 

I always prefer half and half in my coffee over non-fat milk. I’ve found I love to travel and write and reading is most certainly my jam. I die over a beautiful sunset and the way the mountains sit black on the horizon while the sky turns sherbet. In my twenties, I discovered I need sleep like a baby needs milk (helpful information).

And one of my recent discoveries is finding I. Am. Not. A. Multitasker.

When I attempt to do everything at once I basically overheat and shut down. Some amazing folks have the capability to switch tasks so quickly you barely notice how they’re juggling. Bless their hearts, but it’s just not me.

So when smoke is coming out of my ears and I can’t see straight, I take to heart Anne Lamott’s words about unplugging for a few minutes. In my family we sometimes call it a sensory break.

Either way you frame it, every once in awhile we all need a hard reset.

We all need to step away from the phone, the computer, the 50 page to-do list and the heaviness of our expectations. We need rest and revitalization and it can’t be a once year or a once in a decade thing.

 Image courtesy of Canva

Image courtesy of Canva

Rest has to become a way of living.  It’s a posture we continually take in our lives in which we ask, am I over extended? Is this too much? How am I restoring my energy? 

This is why I come back to my faith as a foundation. It reminds me abundant life doesn’t come from trying harder, but by leaning into his goodness and breathing in each moment. What I have found is the truest rest I experience is with the creator of rest. Jesus himself.

“Come,” he whispers. “Come to me and I’ll give you a light load.”

Any structure or lifestyle that tells us the only way to live is to strive and push harder has got it wrong. 

The truth is we humans CAN do hard things. But, we’re also fragile. We’re merely dust and to dust we’ll return.

So, we must align ourselves and root ourselves with a framework which reminds us it’s okay to unplug. It’s okay to reassess. It’s okay to need. It’s okay to have those needs met.

Knowing our limits allows us to be gracious with ourselves and push reset before the crisis.

***

What have you learned about your limits? Is there a way you can honor your limits today and unplug?  

 

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Previous Post: « Settling for Safety: When Risk Is Worthwhile
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Johanna trainer says

    March 23, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Great read! As an introvert I know I need to unplug and have a few minutes by myself daily. Usually I get that when I drive to pick up my son from school or by walking the dog for 20′. I listen to a podcast and aaaaah, I can breathe. I may need to figure out my limits at work, too! That would be helpful.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 24, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Great ideas, Johanna. It sounds like you’re on the right track around figuring out what you need. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget these things, isn’t it? Thanks for reading!

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
.
As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
.
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
.
Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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