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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

March 22, 2016 ·

A Hard Reset {On Learning How to Unplug}

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“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott

In the last 33 years, I’ve gathered some important information about myself. 

I always prefer half and half in my coffee over non-fat milk. I’ve found I love to travel and write and reading is most certainly my jam. I die over a beautiful sunset and the way the mountains sit black on the horizon while the sky turns sherbet. In my twenties, I discovered I need sleep like a baby needs milk (helpful information).

And one of my recent discoveries is finding I. Am. Not. A. Multitasker.

When I attempt to do everything at once I basically overheat and shut down. Some amazing folks have the capability to switch tasks so quickly you barely notice how they’re juggling. Bless their hearts, but it’s just not me.

So when smoke is coming out of my ears and I can’t see straight, I take to heart Anne Lamott’s words about unplugging for a few minutes. In my family we sometimes call it a sensory break.

Either way you frame it, every once in awhile we all need a hard reset.

We all need to step away from the phone, the computer, the 50 page to-do list and the heaviness of our expectations. We need rest and revitalization and it can’t be a once year or a once in a decade thing.

 Image courtesy of Canva

Image courtesy of Canva

Rest has to become a way of living.  It’s a posture we continually take in our lives in which we ask, am I over extended? Is this too much? How am I restoring my energy? 

This is why I come back to my faith as a foundation. It reminds me abundant life doesn’t come from trying harder, but by leaning into his goodness and breathing in each moment. What I have found is the truest rest I experience is with the creator of rest. Jesus himself.

“Come,” he whispers. “Come to me and I’ll give you a light load.”

Any structure or lifestyle that tells us the only way to live is to strive and push harder has got it wrong. 

The truth is we humans CAN do hard things. But, we’re also fragile. We’re merely dust and to dust we’ll return.

So, we must align ourselves and root ourselves with a framework which reminds us it’s okay to unplug. It’s okay to reassess. It’s okay to need. It’s okay to have those needs met.

Knowing our limits allows us to be gracious with ourselves and push reset before the crisis.

***

What have you learned about your limits? Is there a way you can honor your limits today and unplug?  

 

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Previous Post: « Settling for Safety: When Risk Is Worthwhile
Next Post: The Sacredness of Tears »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Johanna trainer says

    March 23, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Great read! As an introvert I know I need to unplug and have a few minutes by myself daily. Usually I get that when I drive to pick up my son from school or by walking the dog for 20′. I listen to a podcast and aaaaah, I can breathe. I may need to figure out my limits at work, too! That would be helpful.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 24, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Great ideas, Johanna. It sounds like you’re on the right track around figuring out what you need. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget these things, isn’t it? Thanks for reading!

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
.
And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
.
Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
.
“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
.
Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
.
 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
.

Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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