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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

May 5, 2016 ·

How a Song Reminds Us to be Grateful

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I’m a sucker for a good song. My sensitive, deep feeling self always takes note when I hear something particularly poignant.

Recently a music video by Nichole Nordeman has been making the rounds on Facebook and social media. One of the verses goes like this:

“Slow down

Won’t you stay here a minute more

I know you want to walk through the door

But it’s all too fast

Let’s make it last a little while

I pointed to the sky and now you wanna fly

I am your biggest fan

I hope you know I am

But do you think you can somehow

Slow down”

Her words have obviously resonated with many folks. As of the writing of this blog, her video has been viewed over 14 million times. In her lyrics she is specifically talking about her kiddos, but I wonder if it moves so many people because of how rarely we connect with the sacred.

Childhood is a time of life never to be repeated and therefore holds a special kind of holy. We will never again have the innocence or naivety we have as kiddos. And no matter how much we love our children, we can’t give it back to them either.

I wonder if this is why we hold this song with tear stained hands as we think about the process of growing up. We know it will happen and it’s good—but it’s hard to say goodbye to the wonder and the dependence and the love of childhood.

But maybe, it’s supposed to be hard? Maybe that’s okay. 

***

I write frequently about bittersweet topics. Once we see how fleeting so many precious aspects of life are, we can’t help but acknowledge the grief existing right next to joy.

Good art seems to pull this from us. It causes us to view something with a wide lens. We are forced to acknowledge the dichotomy of our experiences. Childhood with many beautiful pieces also comes with an expiration date.

And so with our deadline, we tend to value it all the more.

I hope I’m always moved when I’m confronted with the brevity of life. I hope I can never think about how quickly life passes and feel numb to it. I’m grateful for artists like Nichole Nordeman who point these things out in us.

This is the stuff, don’t you think? 

The recognition of life and how it passes through our hands like sand; and instead of cursing it’s passing—we celebrate that we touched it at all.

(In case you haven’t seen the video yet and need a good cry. Enjoy.)

 

 

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When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
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One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
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And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
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*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
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Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
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(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
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**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
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Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
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May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
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As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
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And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
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This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
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And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
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(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
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