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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

July 12, 2016 ·

Finding Hope in the Restorer {the One Who Will Make Things Right}

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We don’t have to look far to see folks who are discouraged and tired and worn in our country. In my little corner of the universe I’m seeing it a lot. I see protestors who are sick with grief. I see cops who are maxed out and broken. I see mommas who are weary from watching and caring for kiddos, all while seeing the world crumble around them. I see friends who are exhausted from life and too many cares to count. I see a culture that is grieving, over stimulated, and emotionally dysregulated. Most of us have never learned how to feel feelings, so when we are forced to confront deep pain we have no resources to turn to.  

It’s easy, don’t you think, to want to stick your head in a hole when life feels big and sad? Or on the other side, we’re ready to fight like the world is ending. It’s the fight or flight response giving us a big old reminder that it’s alive and kicking.

This week as I sat in church, also weary from a world imploding, I felt so encouraged by the simple remembrance that Jesus is our good shepherd. Right now our church is doing a series on the Psalms, and this week we read Psalm 23 (NRSV).

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
   he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
    I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff—
    they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    my whole life long.

Although so many pieces of this psalm speak to me, the part that feels like a cold drink of water on a scorching Denver day is this: “He restores my soul” (v. 3a). Because in a way, I think this is what we’re looking for—the one who will restore us. We’re like wanderers, asking again and again—where is the one who will make us whole?

I’m so grateful for this reminder about the truest nature of who the Lord is to each of us. I am constantly tempted to be the person who has the answers, or who knows the stats, or the background, or whatever (as if I could fulfill that role, anyway). And yes, I have a part to play in our culture and in “being the change I want to see.” But you know what changes my actions from striving to living well; to living out of wholeness instead of shame? 

It is the reminder that He is the restorer. He is the one who fills us up when we’re empty and weary.

Out of this posture, out of connecting and knowing the restorer, I become brave and bold to go into the world and lift up the arms of my brothers and sisters. Because I know where the well of life is, I can take a drink and pass it on to others. Better yet, I’ll bring them right up to the edge. And maybe this would be the greatest achievement of my life, to be someone who points to the restorer. Because this I know for sure, my well goes dry fast. I so quickly run out of compassion, empathy, and energy– but I am grateful to be connected to one who loves each of us so well. 

Reader, may we reach for the restorer of our souls. May we find that he is reaching for us too. 

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Previous Post: « 5 Ways to be Kind to Yourself When You’re in the Middle of the Storm
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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Tina Jones Stout says

    July 12, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    Aundi, This is so good, so rich, so honest. Such a wonderful reminder as I sit here and watch the funeral of the fallen police officers in Dallas. Life is a continual press, it is constant work, because we live in the fallen. But your reminder is that we have a healer, a helper, a restorer, who lives outside of the fallen. Yes, may we reach toward the hand that is always reaching to us so that we may rise above and beyond the press of this life.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      July 13, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Amen, Tina. So grateful for your encouragement. Thank you for reading!

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
.
And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
.
Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
.
“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
.

Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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