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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

July 20, 2016 ·

Un-Stuck {We Have Permission to Change}

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The dark sky is swirling above and clouds are forming. Like the weather, I feel gloomy and my soul feels stuck; the sense nothing I do will create movement or change. I wonder whether I will address this issue or that one? Do I put my energy here, here or here? My vision feels blurry and frankly I just want to nap.

Stuck-ness can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re not equipped to change it. 

I sigh deeply and I feel disappointment lay heavy like a wet blanket, surrounding me, but not with comfort. And one more time I think, “it’s still not happening.”

I wonder if you’ve been there?

Maybe you didn’t get recognized or you’ve had another argument with your spouse. Maybe a person you depend on let you down deeply. 

Maybe it’s a church situation that causes you to question faith. It might even be the exhaustion that comes from parenting small people EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. 

Any of those events can trigger the feeling.

But each of those moments places us at a crossroads. Does this current reality define me or is there a deeper truth to lean into? How do we honor our current pain while also creating momentum to move forward?

And when I say momentum, I mean the curious thing which makes you feel motivated and strangely capable.

I remember, in what seems another lifetime, feeling it on the basketball court. It’s the energy that comes with a steal and a made shot; the look teammates share when they see each other’s determination. It’s like someone put fire in your step and precision in your movement and it’s palpable. 

That’s momentum.

I’ve felt it in everyday life too. Several good breaks paired with a wise decision– maybe a job you were aiming for and the house you wanted worked out. It could even look like people in your tribe standing confidently by your side. What an interesting phenomenon momentum creates.

When we break down these two opposites (stuck vs. momentum), it can be easy to dismiss them to luck, or blessing. And truthfully, I do believe there is always an element of blessing each of us experiences in any positive situation. God is gracious to us in that way.

But we have some choice too.

I love the Serenity Prayer as a resource, as it touches on the choices we face:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

In the murky places of stuck-ness the Serenity prayer reminds us God is our source and giver of peace for things we cannot change. And, He is the highest resource of courage for things we can. Finally, it’s a reminder that we must bring good judgement as we navigate the difference. 

I find much of our stuck-ness is born from missing these principles. We have bought into the lie that we’re unable to change anything OR everything is ours to change. Both are oppressive. 

Like shackles holding us down, trying to control what’s not ours causes us to feel powerless. And denying the grief from that reality adds more chains. 

When we accept reality, we can begin to embrace the possibility we have power to make good choices and this, dear reader, is where momentum is born:

Doing the next right thing.

Even the smallest, seemingly inconsequential, action can be the next right thing. And when we put our energy into those decisions, they add up.

Like a player who lays her heart on the court building momentum with her team, we have that opportunity too. We may not reap rewards immediately, but we may just become un-stuck. May we remember and own the permission each of us has to change. 


Post adapted and edited from archives.   

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Previous Post: « Finding Hope in the Restorer {the One Who Will Make Things Right}
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Joining the chorus to honor an extraordinary woman Joining the chorus to honor an extraordinary woman. Thank you for your light and life, Dolly. #ripdolly
Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need #trysoft Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #trauma #healanyway
It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear frie It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear friend, Dr. Alison Cook, as she releases her brand new book, “The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn’t Come Easy” (and the companion book too!🎉)
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Dr. Cook, (or Alison, as I’ll call her now ;) is not only someone that I admire & respect professionally, but she has become a trusted real-life friend. Through this last several years, I’ve especially appreciated our kindship as we traverse the rewarding, interesting (and sometimes very complicated) world of being a public facing therapist, author, and speaker. 
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Alison asked if I would be willing to endorse her newest offering, and it was a great privilege to do so, here’s what I said: 
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Written in the impactful tradition of books like “Hinds Feet On High Places,” Dr. Alison Cook offers us a stunning parable about the sacred work of being human—and the God who meets us in the repair. ‘The Secure Soul’ is wildly timely and timeless; a tender, thoughtful, and moving read. This is a fabulous book for anyone engaging the holistic healing God invites us toward.’ 
—Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC
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I truly believe “The Secure Soul” will be a balm to anyone who’s struggled to find safety & repair not only with God, not only with others, but with themselves too. You can read an excerpt on my Substack today (link in stories), or pick up the book anywhere books are sold (I’ll also have a link in stories).
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Congrats, Alison! So grateful for your deep work. 🏔️
#SecureSoul #EarnedSecureAttachment #TrySofter #Attachment #StronglikeWater
A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & learning to befriend anger.✌🏻 
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May there come a day when you do not fear the power of your God-given voice. And may every trauma survivor come to know their anger is a profound ally in their healing journey.
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*And yes, all the caveats that our anger never gives us a reason or justification for causing harm. Rather, healthy anger is used as fuel to help us mobilize an appropriate response of advocacy or protection when harm has occurred. #stronglikewater #trysofter #healanyway #cptsd #fawning
I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few of my own (take what you need💛).
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Edited to add: I'm not sure what that weird line is in my first slide! It should read: "Kinda chic to become the person you needed when you were younger." :)
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“No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 In the way & t “No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 
In the way & the pace you are able—may it be so. 
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Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound imp Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound implications—particularly because of the ways it causes us to feel isolated; like no one could ever be trusted. It’s important to say this is valid—our body often adapts in this way because of real harm we’ve experienced. Yet, as we are able, so much of healing work is about learning to keep our eyes open for repair, even as we honor, grieve, & integrate all we’ve lived through.
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I think that’s why this love note is always so meaningful to me, and if it feels like a resource—I offer it to you too. 🌿#trysofter #beloved #stronglikewater #healanyway #cptsd
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P.s. have you heard this @mumfordandsons song? The lyrics are literally “with my hand over your heart.” Let’s go.✨🫶🏻
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