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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 23, 2016 ·

What I’m Into & An Update

Uncategorized

Hello, dear reader!

I’m trying my hand at something new today. I’m sharing some of my favorite (recent) books and other lovely things. And at the end, I’d love to give you a (big, exciting) update on what’s new with me. 

Lettering: 

Are you like me? Do you drool over beautiful script? My dear friend, Kristie, recently started her own business called “Write It On Your Walls.” I’ve known Kristie since way back in seminary days and she’s always been creative and resourceful. It’s thrilling to see folks come alive doing what they love, isn’t it? This is absolutely true for this gem of a woman and her work reflects it. 

I’m the lucky owner of the sign below and it now hangs proudly in my kitchen. I’d encourage you to follow Kristie on Facebook and Instagram and see more of her beautiful work! 

Books: 

1. Shauna Niequist’s newest book “Present Over Perfect” is speaking my language right now. I’m about half way through and I find myself constantly nodding my head, underlining, and every once in awhile finding I need to stop to digest her words.

Our culture is adept at pushing us to strive. And while I’m all for excellence, it seems our distorted beliefs around value being found in hustling and productivity are slowly killing us. This is why Shauna’s words are a little bit of what we all need to hear right now:

“In seasons of deep transformation, silence will be your greatest guide. Even if it’s scary, especially if it’s scary, let silence be your anchor, your sacred space, your dwelling place. It’s where you will become used to your own voice…Silence will become the incubator for your new found spirit, keeping it safe, growing steadily.” – Shauna Niequist

You can follow Shauna on Facebook or look to purchase her book here. 

2. If you’ve followed me for awhile, you may know I have a passion for reading and from that a hobby developed– launch teams! A launch team is basically a group of folks who share about authors and their stories. Earlier this summer, I had the privilege of launching “Four Letter Words” by Krista Wilbur. I had the opportunity to get to know Krista through the “For the Love” launch team and I have been amazed at her courage. 

Krista’s story reads like a novel but is beautifully and painfully true. (As a counselor, I also want to advise a trigger warning for those of you who’ve experienced abuse). She articulates her experience walking through abuse and trauma and ultimately her resilient move towards healing. I was moved by the way Krista integrated her faith, pain, and story so well– be sure to check her out.  

“He has written me, line by line, a bloom of petals on the page”

-Krista Wilbur

You can follow Krista on Facebook and purchase her book here. 

Music:

Have you met Johnnyswim? They’re basically amazing and if you’ve haven’t heard them yet– may I submit this smooth beauty to you: 

Jewelry: 

Earlier this year, when we lost our precious babe to miscarriage— my heart was broken. There’s simply no way around this truth. And this is how we know we care deeply about something, we hurt over the loss of it. In the months since then, I’ve healed in many respects. One of the things I was blessed to have received in the aftermath of our loss is a beautiful leather bracelet from another sweet friend. She gifted it to me from the fabulously talented Danielle at her online store: Create Hope Cuffs. The words to that little beauty have adorned my wrist so frequently and this is what it says: We Can Do Hard Things. 

How many times have I said this to myself in the last 6 months? Too many to count– and I’m glad I had something so tangible to remind me and ground me. Check out Danielle’s Facebook and Etsy store!  

Update: 

And now, onto a bit of an update. As I mentioned above, I’ve started to share my journey through infertility and miscarriage. I have so appreciated words of kindness as we’ve walked through the grief of those experiences. Both infertility and miscarriage tend to hold heavy stigmas. I hope to use my voice to continue to bring light to the reality of these losses and the courage it takes to process them well. I am passionate and confident in the importance of telling each of our stories–all the pieces of them. This, I’m convinced, is how the healing and the joy become deeper and richer. When we embrace the pain of our story we find God is sitting with us, loving us deeply, moving us toward healing. 

So, to keep things REALLY interesting– I also find myself typing at my computer with a baby boy in my belly– 22 weeks pregnant. (Eeeeekkkk!!!!!!)

This has been something I’ve kept tucked close for awhile, but it’s a joy to share with you now. As our story unfolds I’m sure I’ll be writing more in the future. For now, I’d love your prayers as we move forward– stunned at God’s faithfulness and grateful for the journey. 

Thank you again for your love and support. 

Aundi

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Previous Post: « The Weight of It {When Words Matter}
Next Post: When the Hustle Can’t Make You Whole »
When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
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One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
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*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
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(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
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**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
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Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
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May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
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As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
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Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
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And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
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This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
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And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
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(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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