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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 29, 2016 ·

When the Hustle Can’t Make You Whole

Uncategorized

“More love, less hustle.” -Shauna Niequist 

I remember feeling the pressure in my head and my chest—it was the absolute certainty, that unless I proved myself I would be left in the dust of other students. I wanted badly to show I was smart and capable but as I sat in the tiny, stuffy room taking my LSATs—I had never felt more unworthy. Later I found my score was nowhere near my goal and the shame only mounted. It took years before I could understand the prison I was living in.

I took the LSATs in another lifetime when I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, but in a way it’s a microcosm of my whole story. I wanted the prestige of law because I thought it would prove I knew how to hustle, how to be enough. Now, 11 years later, I see the truth with striking clarity: I was willing to sacrifice my identity and career path for the rickety belief that I could prove my value through actions.

Still, after years of growth and therapy and mentorship, there are tiny reminders of this way of thinking which creep into my life.

It’s the feeling of responsibility for a problem not mine to solve.

It’s the belief that no matter how much money, status, or security I acquire, it will never be enough.

It’s the constant temptation to use my anxiety to do more, be more, or want more.

So when I say hustle, I don’t mean it like back in my basketball days when hustle simply meant I brought every piece of my available self on a particular day and left what I had on the floor.

No, what I mean here is the constant, never ending, mind numbing, cycle of busyness. It’s our over scheduled, over stimulated, achievement-based lifestyles we simultaneously love and hate.

This, my dear reader, this is the hustle. And you could use different words for it. You could call it the rat race or striving or scarcity. But—don’t miss this— no matter what we call it, this way of life leaves us feeling dry, empty, and unfulfilled. Even worse, the perceived value we gain from these endeavors fades quickly. 

So what’s the difference you might say? What’s the difference between working hard and hustling? Isn’t it Biblical to be a hard worker?

First, yes, living our lives excellently is absolutely a delight to our creator when it comes from a place of authentic worship (Colossians 3:23). But there is a difference between living well and desperation to be enough.

I would submit to you the difference between work and hustle comes from our perspective of ourselves and God. A right view of both will lead us to a right view of work.

And what is this right view? It’s grounded in the belief that we are the workmanship of the God of the universe (Ephesians 2:10), his very image walking around (Genesis 1:27)— known and chosen even before we were formed in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139). We can’t earn this identity, dear ones. It’s given to us. 

Further, our work and efforts do not generate our value. Instead, we produce and take risks and love and live because it’s what we are created for; there’s no need to prove anything. When we are so secure in how God made us—we go into this world living it out and usually in that process we fail but we also make beautiful, good, meaningful things too. 

Our identity as God’s beloved is where our value and worthiness come from; the nuts and bolts of it you might say. And so if we are struggling to own our worthiness, rather than spending our efforts to show we are worthy, what would it look like to use our efforts to press into the one who makes us worthy?

This sometimes can be done individually but often it’s done with mentors, counselors, and healthy community. Sometimes we desperately want to know how to grab hold of this identity but we need others along side us, slowly and gently loving us before we can love ourselves. This is where we begin to internalize the truth of who we are. 

The hustle will always leave us wanting if it’s what we’re asking to make us whole. So let’s call it what it is, shall we? Let’s name our wounded-ness and our longing to be called known first, and see where he leads.

It might be a windy road but I promise if you’re following the creator of your soul—it’ll be worth it. 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Stacey Philpot says

    August 29, 2016 at 12:10 pm

    Aundi, I want to take a highlighter out and go to town on this. It’s rich with deep wisdom and practical tools.
    It’s a kick in the pants a call to action and a gentle hug all in one. Brilliantly done.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 29, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      Thank you so much, Stacey. I am beyond honored by your words. Grateful for you!

  2. Pam Ecrement says

    August 29, 2016 at 7:28 pm

    So very well said and true! I think if we are honest, when we are honest, we all have a similar story of a season of our lives that we must confess this is true for us. It seems to take awhile for us to come to the deeper reality of our identity in Christ and who He has created me/you/each of us to be and to delight in that calling! Great post! Thanks!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 31, 2016 at 7:22 pm

      Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement, Pam!

Joining the chorus to honor an extraordinary woman Joining the chorus to honor an extraordinary woman. Thank you for your light and life, Dolly. #ripdolly
Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need #trysoft Happy Friday.✨✌🏻❤️ // Take What You Need 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #trauma #healanyway
It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear frie It is my delight & honor to celebrate my dear friend, Dr. Alison Cook, as she releases her brand new book, “The Secure Soul: Finding Inner Strength and Connection When Trust Doesn’t Come Easy” (and the companion book too!🎉)
🌿
Dr. Cook, (or Alison, as I’ll call her now ;) is not only someone that I admire & respect professionally, but she has become a trusted real-life friend. Through this last several years, I’ve especially appreciated our kindship as we traverse the rewarding, interesting (and sometimes very complicated) world of being a public facing therapist, author, and speaker. 
🌿
Alison asked if I would be willing to endorse her newest offering, and it was a great privilege to do so, here’s what I said: 
🌿
Written in the impactful tradition of books like “Hinds Feet On High Places,” Dr. Alison Cook offers us a stunning parable about the sacred work of being human—and the God who meets us in the repair. ‘The Secure Soul’ is wildly timely and timeless; a tender, thoughtful, and moving read. This is a fabulous book for anyone engaging the holistic healing God invites us toward.’ 
—Aundi Kolber, MA, LPC
🌿
I truly believe “The Secure Soul” will be a balm to anyone who’s struggled to find safety & repair not only with God, not only with others, but with themselves too. You can read an excerpt on my Substack today (link in stories), or pick up the book anywhere books are sold (I’ll also have a link in stories).
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Congrats, Alison! So grateful for your deep work. 🏔️
#SecureSoul #EarnedSecureAttachment #TrySofter #Attachment #StronglikeWater
A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & A few thoughts on finding your voice after harm & learning to befriend anger.✌🏻 
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May there come a day when you do not fear the power of your God-given voice. And may every trauma survivor come to know their anger is a profound ally in their healing journey.
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*And yes, all the caveats that our anger never gives us a reason or justification for causing harm. Rather, healthy anger is used as fuel to help us mobilize an appropriate response of advocacy or protection when harm has occurred. #stronglikewater #trysofter #healanyway #cptsd #fawning
I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few I’ve loved this trend so I thought I’d offer a few of my own (take what you need💛).
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Edited to add: I'm not sure what that weird line is in my first slide! It should read: "Kinda chic to become the person you needed when you were younger." :)
#trysofter #stronglikewater #fierceselfcompassion #beloved #cptsd
“No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 In the way & t “No matter how beautiful it is.” 🌿 
In the way & the pace you are able—may it be so. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #compassionateresourcing #internalizedsafety
Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound imp Attachment trauma & wounding can have profound implications—particularly because of the ways it causes us to feel isolated; like no one could ever be trusted. It’s important to say this is valid—our body often adapts in this way because of real harm we’ve experienced. Yet, as we are able, so much of healing work is about learning to keep our eyes open for repair, even as we honor, grieve, & integrate all we’ve lived through.
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I think that’s why this love note is always so meaningful to me, and if it feels like a resource—I offer it to you too. 🌿#trysofter #beloved #stronglikewater #healanyway #cptsd
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P.s. have you heard this @mumfordandsons song? The lyrics are literally “with my hand over your heart.” Let’s go.✨🫶🏻
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