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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 6, 2016 ·

The Honor of Holding a Story

Uncategorized

Sometimes I see it clearly. My job, if it’s nothing else, is to hold the stories of people. I didn’t always realize (although maybe I should’ve) that stories are my jam. I should’ve known because I’m such a book nerd. I love fiction and non-fiction and all the stories. I’m also an existentialist and a meaning maker—so you can count me in for finding the layers behind a random rainbow.

And so like I said, I’m a story holder aka a therapist.

If I’m honest with you (which I try to be), sometimes working in mental health is hard—really hard. It’s tough to be the person someone wants to have the silver bullet. It’s challenging to be the person a client shares their deepest hurts and hard with. It’s difficult to know my own limits and how much I’m responsible for, when there is a ton of pain in the world, including my own.  

But also…it’s one of the most sacred, precious experiences I’ve known. 

It’s right up there with singing at church in the middle of a chorus I love. That’s what it’s like sometimes, when a person is ready to do their work— we counselors and social workers and psychologists and pastors, we create a space and invite a brave soul to unpack their heart. We can’t heal it, of course. We simply get to facilitate the process.

**

I remember in grad school when I told one of my supervisors, “I know it’s weird, but I’m drawn to grief and pain. She looked me in the eye and said, keep going—you’re going to do good work. You should look into trauma and get more training there.”

And so now, after gaining more tools, training, and synthesizing all these elements– I have the honor of making space for people in a way I had never thought possible. Who could of thought?

Every once in awhile, I tap into the gratefulness of what is happening before me— I get to witness warriors being made. Occasionally, I see people drastically changed. It’s not every day, that’s for sure. But sometimes I see how this is a tiny representation and reminder that healing, change, and growth happens every single day and sometimes we have the honor of playing a part.

The thing is, I don’t think this is contained to just therapeutic relationships. In a way, I think all of us are learning how to hold a story for someone; how to be safe for them. How to love them like Jesus loves.

The power of a story is breathtaking to me. I’m grateful for those who’ve gone before and held mine and who hold them still.

If today all we do is make it okay for a person to share who they are and how they became who they are, I think we’ve done a lot. Let’s keep making room. Let’s open up the table. Let’s invite each other in. Let’s keep holding the stories.             

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May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
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If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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