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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 6, 2016 ·

The Honor of Holding a Story

Uncategorized

Sometimes I see it clearly. My job, if it’s nothing else, is to hold the stories of people. I didn’t always realize (although maybe I should’ve) that stories are my jam. I should’ve known because I’m such a book nerd. I love fiction and non-fiction and all the stories. I’m also an existentialist and a meaning maker—so you can count me in for finding the layers behind a random rainbow.

And so like I said, I’m a story holder aka a therapist.

If I’m honest with you (which I try to be), sometimes working in mental health is hard—really hard. It’s tough to be the person someone wants to have the silver bullet. It’s challenging to be the person a client shares their deepest hurts and hard with. It’s difficult to know my own limits and how much I’m responsible for, when there is a ton of pain in the world, including my own.  

But also…it’s one of the most sacred, precious experiences I’ve known. 

It’s right up there with singing at church in the middle of a chorus I love. That’s what it’s like sometimes, when a person is ready to do their work— we counselors and social workers and psychologists and pastors, we create a space and invite a brave soul to unpack their heart. We can’t heal it, of course. We simply get to facilitate the process.

**

I remember in grad school when I told one of my supervisors, “I know it’s weird, but I’m drawn to grief and pain. She looked me in the eye and said, keep going—you’re going to do good work. You should look into trauma and get more training there.”

And so now, after gaining more tools, training, and synthesizing all these elements– I have the honor of making space for people in a way I had never thought possible. Who could of thought?

Every once in awhile, I tap into the gratefulness of what is happening before me— I get to witness warriors being made. Occasionally, I see people drastically changed. It’s not every day, that’s for sure. But sometimes I see how this is a tiny representation and reminder that healing, change, and growth happens every single day and sometimes we have the honor of playing a part.

The thing is, I don’t think this is contained to just therapeutic relationships. In a way, I think all of us are learning how to hold a story for someone; how to be safe for them. How to love them like Jesus loves.

The power of a story is breathtaking to me. I’m grateful for those who’ve gone before and held mine and who hold them still.

If today all we do is make it okay for a person to share who they are and how they became who they are, I think we’ve done a lot. Let’s keep making room. Let’s open up the table. Let’s invite each other in. Let’s keep holding the stories.             

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Previous Post: « When the Hustle Can’t Make You Whole
Next Post: Defined by Our Focus {Not Our Lack} »
It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
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And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
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“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
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God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
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*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
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 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
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Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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