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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 13, 2016 ·

Defined by Our Focus {Not Our Lack}

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“The car goes where the eyes go.” -Garth Stein

Every once in awhile, I read a book and the words stick with me long after.  “The Art of Racing In the Rain” by Garth Stein was one of those books and the quote above is from that literary gem. If you haven’t read it, do yourself a favor and check it out.

The context of the above quote is regarding driving a race car and understanding that on a track, where a car goes at a ridiculously fast speed, the driver’s eyes will cause the car to go wherever their focus is. So if the driver’s eyes are on the guard rail they’ll probably crash there, but if they are on the next piece of track, then that’s where the car will go.

Guess which focus tends to be most helpful?

I often use the above analogy with clients and even in my own life, because the application of this principle goes far beyond the race track and keeping a car moving toward the best target. I believe there is much truth for us today.

We live in a fast paced, intense world where it is often easier to define yourself by who you are not, than who you actually are.

It takes work to find out what piece of “race track” you should be focusing on. There is often more support to model what NOT to do, than the inverse. 

Does this sound familiar? 

I am not that kind of person.

We are not that kind of family.

We are not that kind of church.

We are not that kind of country.

So who am I? Who are we?

This is not an easy question to answer. We don’t necessarily wake up one day and recognize exactly what is behind these questions or the answer to them. 

But here is what I do know: it is not effective to focus on what we are running away from in order to change who we are. 

So how do we move on from this? I believe one of the most essential lessons from this simple concept is to quiet our soul and search out what is/could be our focus.

And, oh, is it worth it.

It’s in this quiet place our Creator speaks to us and gives us the gift of purpose, belonging, and hope. I love how the author of Hebrews puts this idea of where to focus here: 

“Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith…”

— Hebrews 12:2a, NASB 

The author of Hebrews is modeling for us this very idea. He’s saying you’re defined by your focus, not your lack. We are now defined by who Jesus is, not who we aren’t. 

And while Jesus is the big idea of the above verse, ultimately there’s a trickle down effect for other principles in life as well. Meaning, it’s always helpful to focus on the actual goal rather than the possible pitfalls.

So wherever you are in your life today, I pray you would have the courage to look up from your fears and focus on your calling. 


Post updated from archives. 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Pam Ecrement says

    September 14, 2016 at 1:23 am

    How very true and written so very well! Thanks for sharing this. It fits well with some of what I have been posting in a current series. Have a blessed day!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      September 16, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Hi Pam! Thanks so much for your encouragement! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog too!

  2. Bethany Donham says

    September 14, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    This is so good I’ve read it twice! Thanks so much for sharing and for the very important reminder to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      September 16, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      Thank you for your kind words and for reading, Bethany!

May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
🌿
If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
🌿
May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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