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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 2, 2016 ·

The Weight of It {When Words Matter}

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I’m one of those people who revel in words. I enjoy a beautiful sentence, I’m a collector of quotes, and I’ll choose a good book over most activities.

Plus, I’m certain “words of affirmation” is my top love language (Thank you, Gary Chapman).

So it isn’t a stretch for me to chew on this idea of words. But this isn’t everyone’s story. Some folks don’t think much about it at face value, and that’s okay. Yet, we can’t get around how much weight our words hold.

What is it about words that can ignite us or strike us down? Why is there such consequence to what we say?

Much of what I do in the counseling room has roots in words that were not stewarded well. Possibly someone was careless or shaming with their comments; a parent who did not recognize how deeply their criticisms were felt. Other times, folks grieve words said in anger or difficult places. These painful wounds can wrap themselves around a person’s identity and attempt to extinguish their joy, self-efficacy, purpose, and hope.

Alternately, words can light a bonfire of potential in others.

It is beautiful to watch people lean into the reality that they are (or at least consider that they are) the Imago Dei; image bearers of God. Even with failure, even with imperfection, and even with pain—they are beautifully crafted to reflect the likeness of their maker. Each and every one of us carry this around with us.  

I have watched folks stand taller after they ingest hope, encouragement, and helpful critique. I have seen little girls raise their eyes up and begin to verbalize their weight doesn’t define their worth. I have seen women begin to claim their innate value.

This is no less than amazing.

And so, yes, words matter— and how we say those words matter.

It appears purposeful God allowed words to have significance. Even God himself modeled this for us when He used words to speak creation into existence (Genesis 3). And then later, the author of Proverbs states:

“The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit” -Proverbs 18:21, NIV

Death and Life—this is a serious claim. And yet, we see again and again the power of our words in our culture, our homes, and in ourselves.

And so today, may I challenge you?

May I ask you to notice the words that come from your mouth and whether you’re using them to fan a flame or extinguish it in others (or yourself)?

When the difficult person at your work does that thing again? When the election goes differently than you hoped? When your child throws a full blown tantrum at the grocery store? When your spouse doesn’t pay attention when you’re talking?

Or maybe, even when you look at yourself in the mirror; when the clothes don’t hang like you want them to? Could you speak words of life then?

My hope for you today is you would notice these intersections between “death and life.” And in those moments, I pray you could offer the benefit of a pause, to feel the weight of those words on your tongue.


Post adapted from archives.

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Previous Post: « Learning to Celebrate in the Middle of Pain
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May you reclaim your voice. May you find your ‘no May you reclaim your voice. 
May you find your ‘no.’
May your healing come🕯️
#trysofter #stronglikewater #narcissisticabuseawarenessday #cptsd #beloved 
.
We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻 . . N We are so worthy of the return. #Beloved ✨🫶🏻
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Needing more resources & insight? Check out my best selling books, including “Try Softer” which is $3.99 via Amazon kindle, Kobo, Google books, and all e-reader platforms right now (links in profile + stories)🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #loveyourneighborASYourself
Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion // Take What Embodying A Mantra of Self Compassion //
Take What You Need 🌿
.
.
#trysofter #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #cptsd #beloved
Love Notes to My Nervous System (Take what you nee Love Notes to My Nervous System
(Take what you need 🌿)
.
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*I’ve seen this quote going around but couldn’t track down the original author. If you know, please share—I’d love to credit them.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #narcissisticabuse #cptsd
Like many of you who’ve generously shared your sto Like many of you who’ve generously shared your story with me through the years, I’ve walked this brutal path of living through a life-altering smear campaign, too.
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So if it feels like a resource, this is for you:❤️‍🩹
A Lament for a Smear Campaign 
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(And other types of narcissistic abuse)
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For the ways we have been slandered for telling the truth, 
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We grieve. 
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For the ways that reality has been contorted so we can no longer recognize it, 
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We cry out. 
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For the ways relationships were weaponized as part of the harm, 
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We lament. 
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For the ways those causing harm are celebrated, 
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We dissent. 
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For the bodies that were made to carry shame they do not own, 
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We honor. 
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For the ways you meet us in the valley of the shadow, O God—
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We remember. 
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Selah.
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#HealAnyway #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor #TrySofter #cptsd #narcissticabuse
I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my I’ve been in a writing cave finishing edits for my latest manuscript (IYKYN)—and as I work on a particularly vulnerable and painful story, I am holding these words from the inimitable Henri Nouwen like a prayer: 
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“When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” 
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May it be so. #trysofter #healanyway #stronglikewater #cptsd #woundedhealers
May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
.
*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
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