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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

September 26, 2016 ·

When What You Have to Give is Small but Valuable

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Back in the day, I went to business school. It’s hard to picture it now, because most ideas capturing my interest have to do with people, spirituality, psychology and growth. It’s not that business isn’t important or necessary; it’s just not what lights my fire.

But, I digress.

When I was in business school at Pacific Lutheran University, there is one particular term I learned from economics that has always stuck with me: opportunity cost.

Maybe you’ve heard this before, maybe not. But it’s essentially referring to the loss we experience when we choose to do “A” instead of “B.” For example, if I say I want to spend my $5.00 on a Pumpkin Spice latte, it means I can’t use the same $5.00 to buy a breakfast burrito (admittedly, this is a pretty tough decision). Either there has to be more money or I have to choose what I’d rather have. Thus, the opportunity cost is what we give up when we make a choice.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in my own life.

I’m not sure if you’re one of those people who feels a pull to do everything. I’m not sure if you feel passionate about multiple issues. I don’t know what makes you tick. Maybe you are a bottomless well of energy and time.

But I can tell you about my heartbeat and how God made me. I feel deeply about a number of issues. You can usually tell because my cheeks get all rosy red and I feel like I have about a million thoughts. I also have a desire to be excellent when I choose to do something, and it can be frustrating when I’m not. I sometimes have the sense if I can just do one more thing, it will make a huge impact. 

And yet as I’ve grown, I’ve learned the actual amount I have to contribute to the world is fairly small. I am so very finite. 

Please hear me when I say each of our contributions and the work God has for us is significant. But it’s still just a tiny little drop in the bucket of our world. In a planet with seemingly insurmountable need—I’m just one person.

And because of this reality, I want my contribution, my legacy—the thing I choose to do with my time and talent–to actually matter. I don’t want it flittered away on random details that don’t actually make any difference.

I don’t want to use the energy I could have spent loving my family well on organizing my dishes. I don’t want to use the tiny sliver of time I have for writing to read a magazine I don’t even enjoy.

It’s simply not worth it.  

And this is where I’ve begun to think about opportunity cost again. If I admit I can’t do everything, then I must also admit that my yeses show my priorities. And when I say yes to things that are for the wrong reasons, or don’t matter, or because I want to please someone else—well, what I’m doing is admitting that important, relevant pieces of my life aren’t actually as important as I say.

On some level, I think we all know this. We know if we spend our time (or money, or resources or energy) in one place, we don’t necessarily have it to spend in another. But we excel at ignoring this truth, don’t you think?

And so what I’m chewing on— slowly and deliberately— is recognizing what I have to give, and valuing it enough to spend it where it matters most. 

For me, it’s memories not stuff. It’s people not money. It’s presence not striving. 

It’s remembering what I have to give is small but valuable. And so I must choose to spend it well.

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Previous Post: « Defined by Our Focus {Not Our Lack}
Next Post: Let Yourself Rest at the Table {Contributing at The Glorious Table} »
These are for you, if you’re feeling the weariness These are for you, if you’re feeling the weariness of these days or the reality of the pain in our world. May Compassion be a fuel that allows us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.💛
🌿
Which of these resonate with you today? As always, take what you need, and set down what doesn’t. 
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Aaaaand, just one month late: Happy 1 year anniversary to “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days.” 🥳 I’m so proud and grateful for this little book. Thank you to each of you who’ve shared about it, left reviews, and reminded me why it’s mattered to you. I’m so honored. If you haven’t already, I’d love for you to check it out (link in stories and profile 🌻) @tyndalehouse 
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(These affirmations aren’t from the book, but they were inspired by the spirit of it.)
#takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater
In our culture, tenderness is often viewed as a li In our culture, tenderness is often viewed as a liability, even and especially the tenderness we gain from healing. But the paradox is, the softness we gain is actually the source of some of our greatest strength. Selah. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #loveyourneighborasyourself
Healing work is not only about us, but make no mis Healing work is not only about us, but make no mistake — it must include us; it must include the relationship we have with ourselves. 
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At the pace you are able, may your healing come. 
#TrySofter #Stronglikewater #TakeWhatYouNeed #fawning #cptsd
I realize I’m breaking the rules of instagram by p I realize I’m breaking the rules of instagram by posting two selfies in a row, but today is my 43rd birthday so I’m gonna just do the thing. ✌🏻 I’ll say this, it was a hell of a year. I feel proud and grateful, and also, more than a little tired. Waking up to news of wars, widespread sexual abuse cover ups, and the weaponization of a faith I hold dear will do that to anyone paying attention. But also, something I’ve learned as a long term survivor of cPTSD, is how much it matters to hold onto my center; my God-given self. I’ve learned that abuse teaches us to leave ourselves, and we often do, just so we can survive. Which is why it is some of the most sacred work of my life to, by the grace of God, choose to stay instead. 
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And so that is how I’m entering this year: tenaciously committed to the life + self God has given me, to the people around me, to the work that is a privilege to do. To, as the prophet Micah once wrote, “act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”
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Thanks to each of you who have been here, who have supported my work, who have spoken life into me. I do not take it lightly. Grateful. xx
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
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Pink shirt in 1st photo is from @treetopscollective (check out their important work on behalf of refugees in the Grand Rapids, MI. Also, this isn’t an ad, I just love their work :)
Leaving this here to mark the fact that I just tur Leaving this here to mark the fact that I just turned in my 3rd full length manuscript 😭🕯️. Y’all. i. AM. tIRed.
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #authorsofinstagram
It’s for you, if you need it.✌🏻#TakeWhatYouNeed # It’s for you, if you need it.✌🏻#TakeWhatYouNeed 
#TrySofter #StronglikeWater #LoveNotesToMyNervousSystem
This is an evergreen message, but it’s perhaps esp This is an evergreen message, but it’s perhaps especially timely as we navigate this cultural moment. Compassion is soft, but it doesn’t fold. 🌿
#BelieveSurvivors #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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