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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

October 27, 2015 ·

On New Hobbies {And Loving Sarah Bessey}

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Apparently, I have a new hobby.

Nope, it’s not ribbon twirling.

And unfortunately, it’s not underwater basket weaving.

You guessed it, launch teams (Actually, you probably didn’t. Thanks for trying.)

About a month ago, I had the pleasant surprise of finding out I made the launch team for Sarah Bessey’s new book, “Out of Sorts.” But before I start feeling extremely special, it’s important to add that everyone who applied was accepted for her team.

Did this dampen my excitement? Not a bit.

This is the way Sarah is, so generous. Both in the way she set up our team but also in her writing. I sincerely love her open handedness with all things.

“Out of Sorts” officially releases on November 3rd and may I just say: if you have ever, in any capacity, engaged doubt in your faith walk, this book is for you.

If you have ever felt sure of something, and then realized it’s more complex than you realized, this book is for you.

If you have ever had to unpack the grief of hopes you once had because people fail or disappoint, yep, it’s for you, too.

While I’m going to write a more detailed blog next week on what I’ve learned from “Out of Sorts,” here’s what I’ll say now. Sarah masterfully invites each of us to look at the baggage we are carrying regarding our stories and our faith, and she encourages us to allow God to move through them.

I find this refreshing.

Not everyone is comfortable saying, “Yes, do ask questions.” Or, “Yes, do grieve your pains and your losses and your stories.”

If there is anything I’ve learned about pain and our stories, it’s that we must engage them. We must live inside our stories and process them, in order for us to find acceptance and ultimately healing.  

While we can never do any of this all at once, I think this is why it matters for us to hear the tales of others who have done similar work.

In a way, I hope and pray each of us have our own “out of sorts” moments in our lives. I have always found folks who are willing to lean into their pain are able to bring a special connection to folks around them.

I hope you’ll join me this next week as I write on an important reflection Sarah posed to each of us on the team. It’s simple but profound, and it goes like this: I used to think ______________, and now I think _________________.

I can’t wait to dive into this one, in a way it’s the very essence of our growth.

And as Sarah says, “If our theology doesn’t shift and change over our lifetimes, then I have to wonder if we’re paying attention.” 

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Previous Post: « How to Find a Great Counselor {On Learning to Ask for Help}
Next Post: His Goodness is Overwhelming {An #OutofSortsBook Post} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sarah Bessey says

    October 28, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    <3

  2. Sarah Bessey says

    October 28, 2015 at 12:59 pm

    Love this, my girl. xo

    • Andrea Kolber says

      October 29, 2015 at 7:03 pm

      Such an honor to be a part of your team!

  3. Jill Richardson says

    October 28, 2015 at 2:42 pm

    That’s funny — I applied and never heard. I must have done something wrong in the submission process. 🙁 I love her work and am looking forward to the book!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      October 29, 2015 at 7:04 pm

      Oh Jill, such a bummer! I bet it was some sort of tech error 🙁 As I’ve gotten to know you I can see how you would love Sarah’s work. You’re going to love this one.

It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch.us this last Sunday about what it means that we are Held by God in our pain + how that can empower us to try softer. Especially knowing what a tender + at times complex holiday Mother’s Day can be—it felt especially meaningful to offer this message. 
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And, it was a special bonus to be invited by our dear friend @steveryancarter + to spend time with the lovely @heysarahcarter, too. So much goodness. Thanks for the incredible hospitality, @christchurch.us! 🫶🏻
#trysofter #takewhatyouneed #stronglikewater
Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I’ve been here and I’m peeking my head in to say hi. I’ve been taking some extended time off of social media and it’s has been helpful, needed, and clarifying—though I miss connecting with you all here.
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A few months ago, I shared that I’m troubled by much of IG’s current framework (more on that in stories.) Sooo I’m working to change how I show up here and I think some of that will mean that parts of my public work will be other places. I don’t have all of it figured out yet, but I hope you’ll stay tuned and I will be sure to share more as I have it available. Either way, thanks for being here. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, using your voice and influence in the ways that you’re able. May we all have what we need to heal anyway. 🫶🏻
#TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #HealAnyway #StronglikeWater
Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be so disorienting and disturbing when you’ve experienced abuse or oppression that is targeted at making you question your reality.
🌿
So frequently in this kind of situation we learn to mistrust ourselves as a way to make sense of what is happening; even if our perceptions are indeed accurate. 
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Often, at least part of the repair to this kind of experience starts with being fully seen & validated in the presence of someone else’s compassionate, attuned attention. This safety allows us to rebuild our internal templates— at whatever pace we’re able—so that we can ultimately come to believe ourselves (again or for the first time) & and live more and more from our true God-given self. #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Need more resources + insight? Follow along at @aundikolber or check out my books, “Try Softer,” “Strong like Water,” and “Take What You Need” (links in profile 💛)
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Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, and though there are many different significant insights from this day and the whole Lenten season—one important element I’m thinking about today is this: 
We are not machines. 
We are not objects. 
We are not check lists.
We are not commodities. 
We are not projects. 
We are not drive through windows.
We are not trash receptacles. 
We are fragile, resilient, and oh, so, Beloved humans that will someday be dust. But even then, we will be sacred dust.
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In a time where dehumanizing rhetoric seems to rule the day, particularly towards those who have already been the most marginalized—may our finite humanity be an invitation to remember how we want to live & move in the world. #TrySofter #CompassionateAttention #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it mat So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it matters deeply that the language we use in healing reflects empowerment and repair.
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Through the years, I have worked to find words that help translate an invitational, survivor centered, trauma informed ethos into language. I am certainly not perfect, and in many ways that’s the point, isn’t it? All of us are in process and I think that—as we are able—staying connected to that humility allows us to stay open to growing & working toward loving our neighbor *as* ourselves.
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Tonight I was thinking about the many phrases that have reminded me of this open posture—and I was inspired to write down a few. (I have loved seeing this poetry format floating around the internet—kuddos to the originator 🙏🏻)
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📙Needing more resources & insight? I’d be honored if you check out my newest offering that released just two weeks ago: “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days” (link in profile 🌻) #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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*Alt text included in post*
Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you wh Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you what, I feel deeply grateful to be alive. What a privilege it is to grow older. This last year was hard in ways I haven’t been able to fully share, but I think someday I will. But here’s what I noticed in myself this last year: more so than ever before I have learned to trust the voice God has given me & the wisdom placed within me.
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A significant portion of the trauma & particularly narcissistic abuse I experienced in my life has been targeted at causing me to disbelieve my own reality, experience, strength, and integrity. It caused me so much suffering not to know if I could believe myself. It has been the hardest work of my life to choose—again and again—to be on my own damn team. To know God is already waiting for me to see how loved I am; to see the people who choose me; to see the Goodness already present around me; to embody what I have devoted my life to teaching, speaking, and writing about.
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Thank you for being here; my heart is full. #TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #StronglikeWater #cptsd #narcissticabuse #healanyway
There will come a time when I’ll be ready to ful There will come a time when I’ll be ready to fully unpack the bittersweet goodness & honor of being back on the Oregon coast this last week. But for today, I sense my body & spirit need a bit more time to fully digest all that happened.
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In the meantime I’ll say this, the quote I shared from Francis Weller reminds me of what I felt for so much of my trip; the necessary partnership of grief & aliveness. They are inextricably linked and a vital part of our God given humanity. In so many respects healing will always involve grieving because it’s part of the mechanism that allows us to metabolize pain. Often I think of the verses that remind us that Jesus was acquainted with grief; a man of sorrows—and it heartens me in my own deep work and what Francis Weller calls an “apprenticeship with sorrow.” 
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Each of my siblings, my mom, and even my nieces and nephews have their own story, but all of us have had to walk our own journeys of grief, repair, and ultimately—gratefully—aliveness. I’m so proud of this little family of mine and thankful for these sweet moments where we’ve been able to both celebrate and grieve as we walk the path. And it’s not lost on me how much this kind of work matters, especially in a world that seeks to desensitize us to suffering and the humanity around us. May we each have what we need for our own “apprenticeship with sorrow,” because the world needs our aliveness. #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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