• About Me
  • Videos
    • Try Softer Guided Journey Videos
    • Strong Like Water Guided Journey Videos
  • Books
    • Try Softer
    • The Try Softer Guided Journey
    • Strong like Water
    • Strong Like Water: Guided Journey
    • Take What You Need
  • Work with Me
  • Speaking & Consulting
  • Podcasts
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • RSS
    • Twitter
Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 4, 2015 ·

His Goodness is Overwhelming {An #OutofSortsBook Post}

Uncategorized

Have you ever wondered if you’re the only one?

The only one trying to find peace in the midst of questions that won’t quit?

Or maybe, you’re the only one talking about the questions?

Sarah Bessey’s book, “Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith,” has been on my mind for a while now for exactly these reasons. Her book is a balm to souls that wrestle.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with stories about who God is, who they are, or who the church is.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with the wounds of abuse at the hands of folks who claim Jesus as their leader.

And maybe, they’re just like the rest of us, sojourners on a path that is beautiful and rewarding but not always comfortable.

***

This leads me to the question I’ve been asking myself for a while now. How has my own thinking changed? Where has my ‘own out of sorts’ moments brought me?

So here it is: I used to think God’s holiness meant he was unkind and angry, and now I think his goodness is overwhelming.

I used to think he waited for me to make a mistake, hoping I would, so he could teach me a lesson. I wondered, at least a little, if he celebrated my pain. I used to think he was blameless and righteous, but now I see, I didn’t think he was good.

As a recovering perfectionist this view of God allowed my system of fear to continue. Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?

You better believe this kept me in line, of course it did. But in those seasons I couldn’t connect with the parts of God I needed most.

I needed his goodness.

I needed to know that He was faithful not just because he was holy or righteous but because he was good.

In my work as a counselor, coming to the conclusion that God is good, is the single greatest contributor to my work. Because if God is not good, I don’t know why I do what I do.

If his common grace is not an attribute to his character, I have no more motivation to love people well.

If I don’t believe that his posture to those in pain, in fact, to myself in pain, is gentle and kind, then I don’t know what to tell the folks about their pain.

But.

Now I know.

I know he is good and kind and benevolent. Not for any other reason than because this is part of his character. His self desired goodness.

I remember when I first began to get this about God’s character. While in seminary, I finally had the time to chew on this aching question in my soul. How and when does God show up in pain? Why does he allow pain? Is he happy about my pain?

In those times, I began to search out and learn the character of God, even while walking through extraordinarily difficult events in my own life with the support of a community who wanted to know God well.

My mentor gave me a book about the attributes of God by A.W. Tozer and this is what he says about God’s goodness:

“Divine goodness, as one of God’s attributes, is self-caused, infinite, perfect, and eternal. Since God is immutable He never varies in the intensity of His loving-kindness. He has never been kinder than He now is, nor will He ever be less kind. He is no respecter of persons but makes His sun to shine on the evil as well as the good, and sends His rain on the just and on the unjust. The cause of His goodness is in Himself; the recipients of His goodness are all His beneficiaries without merit and without recompense” (Tozer, 83).

It seems everything changed for me, when I believed, when I really knew, that God is good.

No, all the stories and the baggage and the pain didn’t just disappear. But my experience of God in the pain changed. Now I could see he was with me and always had been. Now I saw as the tears fell, his heart broke.

Now I see that he was not at all like I thought he was.

He’s better. 

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Share on X (Opens in new window) X
Previous Post: « On New Hobbies {And Loving Sarah Bessey}
Next Post: What to Do When Pinterest Says, “You’re Not Enough” »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sarah Bessey says

    November 26, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    Amen and amen! Yes! Loved this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, Sarah! Your book and this blog theme were a gift to me– I am grateful for the opportunity to lean into my evolving faith.

  2. Lauren Flake says

    November 27, 2015 at 12:47 am

    Beautiful. Love and so identified with this, Aundi: "Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?"

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, sweet friend. What a gift when we begin to see he is not at all like this angry father. Thanks for reading.

  3. Katherine Fischer says

    November 27, 2015 at 4:53 am

    Amen, sister! I think so many of us can relate to this journey of discovery into God’s goodness. Thanks for this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Yes! I find we can’t go a lot deeper with him until we know, at least a little, that he is good. Thanks for your kind words.

  4. Loretta Tschetter says

    November 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Love. I still wrestle understanding his holiness and righteousness in light of, and as part of, his GOODNESS, not as something somehow opposed as if he is holy but sometimes manages to muster up enough goodness to be gracious to us.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 28, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      Well said, Loretta. It’s true that one of the most challenging pieces is seeing God in his fullness. Both as completely holy and completely good. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to learn about it, even while still wrestling with how it can be true. Thanks for stopping by!

These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨ #TakeWha These are for you, if they resonate✨❤️‍🩹✨
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #cptsd #Beloved
Some of you may know from my writing and speaking Some of you may know from my writing and speaking that in addition to being a trauma therapist, I am a long-term survivor of Narcissistic abuse and Complex PTSD. Today, I felt moved to share this reflection from a few years ago that I’ve adapted a bit as I’ve continued in my own work (and I’ll be sharing more layers of my story & the complexity involved with it in my upcoming book.❤️‍🩹❤️❤️‍🔥)
.
But for now: if this is part of your story too, I honor that in the same way the wounding is complicated, so, too, can the healing be. There is no shame there. The repair must match the rupture.❤️‍🩹 And yet, even if healing is complicated—you are so worthy of it. Sending love. #cptsd #narcissticabuse #trysofter #stronglikewater #grief
Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve Healing is such wildly brave work. And when you’ve learned to leave yourself to survive—the return can be terrifying and yet deeply satisfying all at the same time. May you experience repair in every way you need. 
// As always take what you need.
#Beloved #TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #fawning
Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been h Oh, hi, hello—it’s been a minute since I’ve been here. Sometimes my body & spirit tell me it’s time to take a longer break, and though I care deeply about this work—practicing what I preach matters to me even more. I’m not quite ready to enter back in more regularly, but until then, I thought I’d leave a few things I’ve been chewing on. What resonates with you? I’d love to hear. 🌿 (As always, take what you need)
.
And may you, in the way and the pace you’re able—have access to the rest you need.🫶🏻
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborASyourself #cptsd
Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶 Leaving this blessing here // take what you need.🫶🏻#PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #loveyourneighborasyourself
Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
.
As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
.
The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
.
An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
.
.
IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2026 Aundi Kolber · Design by Bethany Ruth

    all fields required

    Would you like to subscribe to Aundi's email updates?
    YesNo