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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 4, 2015 ·

His Goodness is Overwhelming {An #OutofSortsBook Post}

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Have you ever wondered if you’re the only one?

The only one trying to find peace in the midst of questions that won’t quit?

Or maybe, you’re the only one talking about the questions?

Sarah Bessey’s book, “Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith,” has been on my mind for a while now for exactly these reasons. Her book is a balm to souls that wrestle.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with stories about who God is, who they are, or who the church is.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with the wounds of abuse at the hands of folks who claim Jesus as their leader.

And maybe, they’re just like the rest of us, sojourners on a path that is beautiful and rewarding but not always comfortable.

***

This leads me to the question I’ve been asking myself for a while now. How has my own thinking changed? Where has my ‘own out of sorts’ moments brought me?

So here it is: I used to think God’s holiness meant he was unkind and angry, and now I think his goodness is overwhelming.

I used to think he waited for me to make a mistake, hoping I would, so he could teach me a lesson. I wondered, at least a little, if he celebrated my pain. I used to think he was blameless and righteous, but now I see, I didn’t think he was good.

As a recovering perfectionist this view of God allowed my system of fear to continue. Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?

You better believe this kept me in line, of course it did. But in those seasons I couldn’t connect with the parts of God I needed most.

I needed his goodness.

I needed to know that He was faithful not just because he was holy or righteous but because he was good.

In my work as a counselor, coming to the conclusion that God is good, is the single greatest contributor to my work. Because if God is not good, I don’t know why I do what I do.

If his common grace is not an attribute to his character, I have no more motivation to love people well.

If I don’t believe that his posture to those in pain, in fact, to myself in pain, is gentle and kind, then I don’t know what to tell the folks about their pain.

But.

Now I know.

I know he is good and kind and benevolent. Not for any other reason than because this is part of his character. His self desired goodness.

I remember when I first began to get this about God’s character. While in seminary, I finally had the time to chew on this aching question in my soul. How and when does God show up in pain? Why does he allow pain? Is he happy about my pain?

In those times, I began to search out and learn the character of God, even while walking through extraordinarily difficult events in my own life with the support of a community who wanted to know God well.

My mentor gave me a book about the attributes of God by A.W. Tozer and this is what he says about God’s goodness:

“Divine goodness, as one of God’s attributes, is self-caused, infinite, perfect, and eternal. Since God is immutable He never varies in the intensity of His loving-kindness. He has never been kinder than He now is, nor will He ever be less kind. He is no respecter of persons but makes His sun to shine on the evil as well as the good, and sends His rain on the just and on the unjust. The cause of His goodness is in Himself; the recipients of His goodness are all His beneficiaries without merit and without recompense” (Tozer, 83).

It seems everything changed for me, when I believed, when I really knew, that God is good.

No, all the stories and the baggage and the pain didn’t just disappear. But my experience of God in the pain changed. Now I could see he was with me and always had been. Now I saw as the tears fell, his heart broke.

Now I see that he was not at all like I thought he was.

He’s better. 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sarah Bessey says

    November 26, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    Amen and amen! Yes! Loved this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, Sarah! Your book and this blog theme were a gift to me– I am grateful for the opportunity to lean into my evolving faith.

  2. Lauren Flake says

    November 27, 2015 at 12:47 am

    Beautiful. Love and so identified with this, Aundi: "Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?"

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, sweet friend. What a gift when we begin to see he is not at all like this angry father. Thanks for reading.

  3. Katherine Fischer says

    November 27, 2015 at 4:53 am

    Amen, sister! I think so many of us can relate to this journey of discovery into God’s goodness. Thanks for this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Yes! I find we can’t go a lot deeper with him until we know, at least a little, that he is good. Thanks for your kind words.

  4. Loretta Tschetter says

    November 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Love. I still wrestle understanding his holiness and righteousness in light of, and as part of, his GOODNESS, not as something somehow opposed as if he is holy but sometimes manages to muster up enough goodness to be gracious to us.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 28, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      Well said, Loretta. It’s true that one of the most challenging pieces is seeing God in his fullness. Both as completely holy and completely good. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to learn about it, even while still wrestling with how it can be true. Thanks for stopping by!

Every single time we turn toward our pain with emp Every single time we turn toward our pain with empathy & compassion--we're already healing. And paradoxically, it is precisely this work of becoming hospitable to our pain that allows us to learn how to deeply love our neighbors *as* ourselves. We learn to give what we have come to embody. Not from a posture of self abandonment or betrayal, but instead from a healthy, grounded mutuality that honors both our humanity and those around us. May it be so 
(And as always, take what you need & leave what what you don't) . #TrySofter #SelfCompassion #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved #cptsd #loveyourneighborASyourself #contemplative 
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Need more resources & insight? Check out my newest offering, “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days”—a contemplative coffee table book designed to help you attune to your mind, body, and soul. 💛 (link in profile)
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
Happy belated Father’s Day to the man who loves Happy belated Father’s Day to the man who loves our kiddos so well, who makes the best pancakes, who dreams up adventures, who speaks up when he sees injustice, who cries + holds space when the grief is heavy, who makes me laugh five minutes later—and who has literally helped me write a new narrative about what dads can be. Thank you for all the ways you show up. We couldn’t love you more  @bckolber 💛💛💛
It’s for you, if it resonates.✌️ (Thanks to It’s for you, if it resonates.✌️
(Thanks to the poet Nayyirah Waheed for her powerful quote) 
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As a gentle reminder, this is only a snippet of my insights + work, and context matters. Please take what you need and leave what you don’t. For more, please check out my website aundikolber.com & my newest offering, “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days”—a contemplative coffee table book designed to help you attune to your mind, body, and soul. 💛 (link in profile)
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
It is profoundly easy to lose our bearings, especi It is profoundly easy to lose our bearings, especially when we are in pain; or when we are overwhelmed by a world in pain. And yet, there is a reality that we can come back to as often as we need: the truest change—even change that requires fire and fierceness—will have Love as the backbone and the frame. May it be so. #TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #StronglikeWater
It was such an honor to write this blog for @annvo It was such an honor to write this blog for @annvoskamp, but also…whew, it was a tender one to share. It seems this is often the way of healing.🫶🏻 
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It’s been just over 3 months since “Take What You Need” released and it’s been a sacred joy to hear from so many of you that you have felt seen + witnessed in those pages. In these times that are filled with much disconnection, fear, and frozenness—I pray we can have access to the groundedness we need to love our neighbor *as* ourselves. May we all have what we need to access the deep God-given wisdom available to us. Selah.
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I’d be honored if you’d consider reading the whole blog over at annvoskamp.com (link in my stories) & and if you haven’t already—pick up a copy of “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days” (link in profile) 🌿
It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch.us this last Sunday about what it means that we are Held by God in our pain + how that can empower us to try softer. Especially knowing what a tender + at times complex holiday Mother’s Day can be—it felt especially meaningful to offer this message. 
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And, it was a special bonus to be invited by our dear friend @steveryancarter + to spend time with the lovely @heysarahcarter, too. So much goodness. Thanks for the incredible hospitality, @christchurch.us! 🫶🏻
#trysofter #takewhatyouneed #stronglikewater
Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I’ve been here and I’m peeking my head in to say hi. I’ve been taking some extended time off of social media and it’s has been helpful, needed, and clarifying—though I miss connecting with you all here.
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A few months ago, I shared that I’m troubled by much of IG’s current framework (more on that in stories.) Sooo I’m working to change how I show up here and I think some of that will mean that parts of my public work will be other places. I don’t have all of it figured out yet, but I hope you’ll stay tuned and I will be sure to share more as I have it available. Either way, thanks for being here. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, using your voice and influence in the ways that you’re able. May we all have what we need to heal anyway. 🫶🏻
#TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #HealAnyway #StronglikeWater
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