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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

November 4, 2015 ·

His Goodness is Overwhelming {An #OutofSortsBook Post}

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Have you ever wondered if you’re the only one?

The only one trying to find peace in the midst of questions that won’t quit?

Or maybe, you’re the only one talking about the questions?

Sarah Bessey’s book, “Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith,” has been on my mind for a while now for exactly these reasons. Her book is a balm to souls that wrestle.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with stories about who God is, who they are, or who the church is.

Maybe they’ve wrestled with the wounds of abuse at the hands of folks who claim Jesus as their leader.

And maybe, they’re just like the rest of us, sojourners on a path that is beautiful and rewarding but not always comfortable.

***

This leads me to the question I’ve been asking myself for a while now. How has my own thinking changed? Where has my ‘own out of sorts’ moments brought me?

So here it is: I used to think God’s holiness meant he was unkind and angry, and now I think his goodness is overwhelming.

I used to think he waited for me to make a mistake, hoping I would, so he could teach me a lesson. I wondered, at least a little, if he celebrated my pain. I used to think he was blameless and righteous, but now I see, I didn’t think he was good.

As a recovering perfectionist this view of God allowed my system of fear to continue. Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?

You better believe this kept me in line, of course it did. But in those seasons I couldn’t connect with the parts of God I needed most.

I needed his goodness.

I needed to know that He was faithful not just because he was holy or righteous but because he was good.

In my work as a counselor, coming to the conclusion that God is good, is the single greatest contributor to my work. Because if God is not good, I don’t know why I do what I do.

If his common grace is not an attribute to his character, I have no more motivation to love people well.

If I don’t believe that his posture to those in pain, in fact, to myself in pain, is gentle and kind, then I don’t know what to tell the folks about their pain.

But.

Now I know.

I know he is good and kind and benevolent. Not for any other reason than because this is part of his character. His self desired goodness.

I remember when I first began to get this about God’s character. While in seminary, I finally had the time to chew on this aching question in my soul. How and when does God show up in pain? Why does he allow pain? Is he happy about my pain?

In those times, I began to search out and learn the character of God, even while walking through extraordinarily difficult events in my own life with the support of a community who wanted to know God well.

My mentor gave me a book about the attributes of God by A.W. Tozer and this is what he says about God’s goodness:

“Divine goodness, as one of God’s attributes, is self-caused, infinite, perfect, and eternal. Since God is immutable He never varies in the intensity of His loving-kindness. He has never been kinder than He now is, nor will He ever be less kind. He is no respecter of persons but makes His sun to shine on the evil as well as the good, and sends His rain on the just and on the unjust. The cause of His goodness is in Himself; the recipients of His goodness are all His beneficiaries without merit and without recompense” (Tozer, 83).

It seems everything changed for me, when I believed, when I really knew, that God is good.

No, all the stories and the baggage and the pain didn’t just disappear. But my experience of God in the pain changed. Now I could see he was with me and always had been. Now I saw as the tears fell, his heart broke.

Now I see that he was not at all like I thought he was.

He’s better. 

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Sarah Bessey says

    November 26, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    Amen and amen! Yes! Loved this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, Sarah! Your book and this blog theme were a gift to me– I am grateful for the opportunity to lean into my evolving faith.

  2. Lauren Flake says

    November 27, 2015 at 12:47 am

    Beautiful. Love and so identified with this, Aundi: "Because as a faith based perfectionist, what better motivation to be perfect than a fear of an angry heavenly father who was ready to pounce on my mistakes?"

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      Thank you, sweet friend. What a gift when we begin to see he is not at all like this angry father. Thanks for reading.

  3. Katherine Fischer says

    November 27, 2015 at 4:53 am

    Amen, sister! I think so many of us can relate to this journey of discovery into God’s goodness. Thanks for this!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 27, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      Yes! I find we can’t go a lot deeper with him until we know, at least a little, that he is good. Thanks for your kind words.

  4. Loretta Tschetter says

    November 27, 2015 at 8:09 pm

    Love. I still wrestle understanding his holiness and righteousness in light of, and as part of, his GOODNESS, not as something somehow opposed as if he is holy but sometimes manages to muster up enough goodness to be gracious to us.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      November 28, 2015 at 4:40 pm

      Well said, Loretta. It’s true that one of the most challenging pieces is seeing God in his fullness. Both as completely holy and completely good. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to learn about it, even while still wrestling with how it can be true. Thanks for stopping by!

It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch.us this last Sunday about what it means that we are Held by God in our pain + how that can empower us to try softer. Especially knowing what a tender + at times complex holiday Mother’s Day can be—it felt especially meaningful to offer this message. 
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And, it was a special bonus to be invited by our dear friend @steveryancarter + to spend time with the lovely @heysarahcarter, too. So much goodness. Thanks for the incredible hospitality, @christchurch.us! 🫶🏻
#trysofter #takewhatyouneed #stronglikewater
Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I’ve been here and I’m peeking my head in to say hi. I’ve been taking some extended time off of social media and it’s has been helpful, needed, and clarifying—though I miss connecting with you all here.
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A few months ago, I shared that I’m troubled by much of IG’s current framework (more on that in stories.) Sooo I’m working to change how I show up here and I think some of that will mean that parts of my public work will be other places. I don’t have all of it figured out yet, but I hope you’ll stay tuned and I will be sure to share more as I have it available. Either way, thanks for being here. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, using your voice and influence in the ways that you’re able. May we all have what we need to heal anyway. 🫶🏻
#TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #HealAnyway #StronglikeWater
Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be so disorienting and disturbing when you’ve experienced abuse or oppression that is targeted at making you question your reality.
🌿
So frequently in this kind of situation we learn to mistrust ourselves as a way to make sense of what is happening; even if our perceptions are indeed accurate. 
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Often, at least part of the repair to this kind of experience starts with being fully seen & validated in the presence of someone else’s compassionate, attuned attention. This safety allows us to rebuild our internal templates— at whatever pace we’re able—so that we can ultimately come to believe ourselves (again or for the first time) & and live more and more from our true God-given self. #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Need more resources + insight? Follow along at @aundikolber or check out my books, “Try Softer,” “Strong like Water,” and “Take What You Need” (links in profile 💛)
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Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, and though there are many different significant insights from this day and the whole Lenten season—one important element I’m thinking about today is this: 
We are not machines. 
We are not objects. 
We are not check lists.
We are not commodities. 
We are not projects. 
We are not drive through windows.
We are not trash receptacles. 
We are fragile, resilient, and oh, so, Beloved humans that will someday be dust. But even then, we will be sacred dust.
🌿
In a time where dehumanizing rhetoric seems to rule the day, particularly towards those who have already been the most marginalized—may our finite humanity be an invitation to remember how we want to live & move in the world. #TrySofter #CompassionateAttention #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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*alt text included in post*
So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it mat So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it matters deeply that the language we use in healing reflects empowerment and repair.
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Through the years, I have worked to find words that help translate an invitational, survivor centered, trauma informed ethos into language. I am certainly not perfect, and in many ways that’s the point, isn’t it? All of us are in process and I think that—as we are able—staying connected to that humility allows us to stay open to growing & working toward loving our neighbor *as* ourselves.
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Tonight I was thinking about the many phrases that have reminded me of this open posture—and I was inspired to write down a few. (I have loved seeing this poetry format floating around the internet—kuddos to the originator 🙏🏻)
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📙Needing more resources & insight? I’d be honored if you check out my newest offering that released just two weeks ago: “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days” (link in profile 🌻) #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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*Alt text included in post*
Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you wh Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you what, I feel deeply grateful to be alive. What a privilege it is to grow older. This last year was hard in ways I haven’t been able to fully share, but I think someday I will. But here’s what I noticed in myself this last year: more so than ever before I have learned to trust the voice God has given me & the wisdom placed within me.
🌿
A significant portion of the trauma & particularly narcissistic abuse I experienced in my life has been targeted at causing me to disbelieve my own reality, experience, strength, and integrity. It caused me so much suffering not to know if I could believe myself. It has been the hardest work of my life to choose—again and again—to be on my own damn team. To know God is already waiting for me to see how loved I am; to see the people who choose me; to see the Goodness already present around me; to embody what I have devoted my life to teaching, speaking, and writing about.
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Thank you for being here; my heart is full. #TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #StronglikeWater #cptsd #narcissticabuse #healanyway
There will come a time when I’ll be ready to ful There will come a time when I’ll be ready to fully unpack the bittersweet goodness & honor of being back on the Oregon coast this last week. But for today, I sense my body & spirit need a bit more time to fully digest all that happened.
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In the meantime I’ll say this, the quote I shared from Francis Weller reminds me of what I felt for so much of my trip; the necessary partnership of grief & aliveness. They are inextricably linked and a vital part of our God given humanity. In so many respects healing will always involve grieving because it’s part of the mechanism that allows us to metabolize pain. Often I think of the verses that remind us that Jesus was acquainted with grief; a man of sorrows—and it heartens me in my own deep work and what Francis Weller calls an “apprenticeship with sorrow.” 
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Each of my siblings, my mom, and even my nieces and nephews have their own story, but all of us have had to walk our own journeys of grief, repair, and ultimately—gratefully—aliveness. I’m so proud of this little family of mine and thankful for these sweet moments where we’ve been able to both celebrate and grieve as we walk the path. And it’s not lost on me how much this kind of work matters, especially in a world that seeks to desensitize us to suffering and the humanity around us. May we each have what we need for our own “apprenticeship with sorrow,” because the world needs our aliveness. #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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