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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

March 17, 2015 ·

Unexpected Gift #FortheLove

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I don’t think anyone would accuse me of being “too easy going” (wink wink). You may have noticed in my writing (or not), that I am a deep feeler and quite passionate about many issues.

Truthfully, much of my life I have worked to become a person who is able to adjust when things come up and change plans when needed. This has never been easy me, but I come by those traits honestly. I grew up in a loving, dysfunctional and chaotic family and so my ability to think ahead, be responsible and get things done have allowed me to overcome many obstacles in my life. 

But here’s the deal, those parts of me that want to plan ahead, fix, and control usually assume the worst about most situations. At times I fail to see the possibilities and gifts right in front of me. 

This happened to me recently. I saw on Jen Hatmaker’s facebook page that she was looking for members for her book launch team. I decided to apply, but honestly, I figured “no way.” I filled out the application quickly, hoping I would be picked but mostly skeptical. 

Nearly a week later, I received an email from Jen and her team that said this: 

Knock, knock. Who’s there? YOU, because YOU are on my Launch Team for ‘For the Love‘!! Yeah baby!! We only had room for 10% of all applicants (what the??), and we think you got the stuff. THANK YOU for your amazing enthusiasm; I couldn’t possibly love you more if I tried with all my might. You are leading well and using your influence like a boss. We all think you are amazing. We are going to get this thing off the ground together! Let me tell you, launching a book is really fun. And some of you are going to end up on the inside cover, so THAT. I said on January 1st this year that one goal was to spend less time pleasing “Not My People” … well let’s be clear: YOU ARE MY PEOPLE. I love you so. I really do. I am loyally yours forever. Let’s do this thing.

My marketing team will now tell you all the fun details.

– Jen

Um, what?

You think I “got the stuff?” 

Here’s what I appreciate about this, God is always challenging what I think I know. And, it’s good for me. Yes, Aundi, sometimes things do turn out well. 

It’s interesting that even when I rationally know that He is good, part of my soul still struggles for me to think that it is true. And yet, these are the gifts He gives because He is good. 

This book launch has been a blessing for me already, partly because the book is hilariously funny, endearing and helpful (more on that later), but also because of the opportunity to meet the 499 other people who are part of the launch. Jen and her team set up a facebook group for the launch team, and it literally makes me feel like I am at a summer camp/spiritual retreat/group therapy all wrapped into one; they are refreshing, funny and supportive. 

So that part is pretty great.

I’ve observed that the dynamic of the group in general seems to be a humble confidence…and you know what? I love that. I think that is how God hopes for us to approach the good gifts He gives. That we would be humbly confident that He longs to give those good gifts to us and love on us. 

It may not be a book launch for you, but what is it?

What possibilities are you assuming the worst about, but if you risk the hope, it may just be worth it? 

 

I’ve linked up this week over at: Intentionally Pursuing the Heart of God, Simplified Life, Redemption Diaries, 3D Lessons for Life , Purposeful Faith, Suzanne Eller and Holly Gerth.

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Comments

  1. Crystal Storms says

    March 18, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Aundi, I love that they said "you got the stuff" and that you recognize the gift God has placed in front of you and within you. I pray God continues to reveal to you how He sees you and that you boldly proclaim His power that works through you. Blessings from #IntentionalTuesday

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 18, 2015 at 9:38 pm

      Amen, thank you so much Crystal.

  2. Sue Moore Donaldson says

    March 19, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Wow – that is so great and so encouraging!!!! I love that: humble confidence – great to meet you alongside today at lyli’s – sue
    welcomeheart.com

  3. Sue Moore Donaldson says

    March 19, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Wow – that is so great and so encouraging!!!! I love that: humble confidence – great to meet you alongside today at lyli’s – sue
    welcomeheart.com

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 20, 2015 at 1:20 pm

      Sue, thanks so much! It’s a hard balance don’t you think– humility and confidence? I’ll be sure to visit you over at your site.

  4. Jenniemarie says

    March 27, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Thank you so much for linking up. Humble Confidence is a great way to describe the group. I love that. I need to work on that too.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 27, 2015 at 11:15 pm

      Amen, Jenniemarie! Me too…always a work in progress. Thanks for hosting!

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
🌿
Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
🌿
This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
🌿
Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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