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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

March 24, 2015 ·

Because Winter Always Ends

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Have you ever walked through a time of your life that seemed to never end? The times you were certain it wouldn’t change or get better? 

I’m willing to bet those moments aren’t the highlights of your life. Not the day you won the award, got married, or vacationed at the beach; no, those always seem to go too fast. Usually it’s the difficult times, the one’s where we are stretched thin across our life. Those are the days that last a lifetime. 

But as I’ve worked to stay with my theme word for the year of “notice,” I’ve watched new life fight to push its way through the mud and dirt in our yard. The tiniest leaves popping up from underneath the dark ground. Like it was asking me “Have you noticed? After every single winter comes spring.” 

I’m a big fan of consistency, and I love how seasons never fail to change. And while this is an analogy that is used a lot, there is value in sitting in the simple truth that seasons will continue to change.

***

As we say goodbye to another season, I can’t help but think winter is a beautiful time. So much stillness and pause; it feels like nature is taking a breath and breaking after all the hard work of spring, summer, and fall. Winter also causes me to think of times or seasons in our life when things don’t seem to be growing, changing, or becoming what we hope they will be. It tends to connect with grief and longing and what we experience as we wait for new life to grow again. But then, just when it feels like the season will never end, it does.

And in comes spring. 

Almost like an expected visitor you gave up on, she arrives. It’s useful to notice that when spring comes, nature doesn’t auto correct itself into the new season. Winter often lingers while spring is settling in– nature ever so slowly responds to the change in weather. 

We’re like that, too. Life adjusts and we finally begin to catch up with the change, stunned that it finally happened. There is wisdom in our ability to breathe and allow seasons to blow in and out. But what gives us this groundedness? What allows us to know that it will change and yet not be crushed by the weight of it? 

The writer of Ecclesiastes chews on these same ideas here:

“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build up,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.”

— Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The truth is, we don’t know exactly what each season will hold; whether tears, laughter, goodbyes or beauty. But in this uncertainty, it is a gift to remember that as we hold fast, we also are held by the only one who cannot be shaken by our seasons.

Jesus is so very dependable and stable in our change. Dear reader, He is the very best thing. As we learn to be flexible and adaptable while life continues to toss us about, we can lean into the one who gives us roots in every season. Join me there?

Updated 4/12/16

 

I’ve linked up this week over at: Intentionally Pursuing the Heart of God, Simplified Life, Redemption Diaries, 3D Lessons for Life ,Purposeful Faith, Suzanne Eller, 152 Insights to My Soul, Jennifer Dukes Lee and Holly Gerth.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Katie Reid says

    March 24, 2015 at 6:20 pm

    Lovely post. Stopping by from the #RaRaLinkup. Looking forward to the new life of Spring!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 25, 2015 at 12:54 pm

      Thanks so much…Glad you stopped by!

  2. Crystal Storms says

    March 24, 2015 at 7:31 pm

    They say (though I’m not sure who "they" are) people have two basic fears … things will change and things will never change. Though time lingers and the waiting seems long, things always change.

    "Almost like an expected visitor you gave up on, she arrives." – beautiful reminder, Aundi, that helps me to hold on in the waiting. Thank you for sharing your encouraging words at #IntentionalTuesday

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 25, 2015 at 12:52 pm

      Oh I love that quote, Crystal. Yes, I do believe those fears are at the core of many things. I am so glad this post encouraged you. I think we all need the reminder sometimes, I love that God is so faithful in using the season to remind us of His faithfulness. As always, thank you so much for reading.

  3. Kristi Woods says

    March 25, 2015 at 2:53 am

    "He is the very best thing." Yes, indeed. He is the very best. You have such a gentle way of painting season changes. It’s simply beautiful, as is your photography. Visiting you today via #IntentionalTuesday.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 25, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      Kristi, thanks so much for these words, they are beautiful encouragement to me. Also, I wish I could take credit for the photography, but I get a lot of my pictures from freely photos. They are a great resource. Best to you!

  4. Mindy Whipple says

    March 25, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    Life, as the seasons, is ever changing. So thankful God is unchanging and that He hold my future no matter what the new season will bring. Visiting today from Three Word Wednesday.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 26, 2015 at 2:46 pm

      Amen, Mindy. Thanks for popping in to say hi.

  5. Kristin Hill Taylor says

    March 26, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    I absolutely love the parallels of nature’s seasons to the spiritual seasons of our lives. The way they’re intertwined never ceases to amaze me. I’m so grateful spring always comes, regardless of how long winter seems. I’m glad you linked up at #ThreeWordWednesday.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 26, 2015 at 2:47 pm

      I agree, I am grateful that God allows us to see the tangible things so we can better understand the intangible. Thanks for having me at #ThreeWordWednesday and for reading!

  6. Christine Duncan says

    March 26, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Held by the One who will not be shaken by our seasons… thank you, Lord! So glad I got a chance to visit your beautiful blog, Andrea, I’ll be taking your words with me through the rest of the day!!!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      March 27, 2015 at 12:29 am

      I’m so glad this post encouraged you, Christine. Thanks for saying hello!

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
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Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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