“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others ”
She asked me if I wanted to see the scar. The one from when a girl on the other team scissor kicked her with cleats on the soccer field. She was proud of it, because it showed how tough she was. Frankly, I was impressed; I did think she was tough.
I chew on this memory of my old friend and I love how proud she was of her scars.
I wish that we lived in a world where each of us had the confidence like my friend, to show off their battle scars. But it’s usually the opposite. We hide, hoping that no one will notice the years or the seasons that we were broken. Maybe they won’t ask about the divorce. Maybe no one will notice the time we were out of control.
If we just act like nothing is there, maybe there won’t be?
And as for us, when we look at the scars; we see shame.
We see lack.
We see that we are broken, or at least we have been.
I grew up with the untrue belief that I needed to look or act a certain way to be acceptable. My perfectionism was born in this place, and it was all rooted in the fear and the need for things in my life and in my family to be okay.
Maybe if I’m perfect, it will be okay.
Maybe then my family won’t shatter, my dad won’t yell and my mom won’t drink.
Maybe.
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It takes a lot of energy to keep all those scars under wraps. Perfectionism is seductive because it causes us to feel like we really do have it all together. It can feel so affirming to look the part.
I think that’s how most dependencies and addictions start. For a moment, we feel whole, and when it all comes crumbling down, all we really want is that perfect moment back so we can feel okay again. Perfectionism allowed me to not face or acknowledge the parts of my story that are/were messy, murky and in process. I see now that I didn’t think it was safe to be that raw.
But I have begun to learn the beauty and power of scars.
I remember as a newly minted counselor, confiding in my sister how unworthy I felt to walk with people through their pain. Do you know what she told me? She said, “The thing I’ve learned is that my wounds and scars are like badges of honor…it gives people hope to see that you have walked a hard road, but here you are. Those pieces of your story are exactly what make you so strong.”
What a gift to have those words of life spoken to me. It helped me to know that each and every heartache I have experienced has the potential to bring life to someone else. And as my own personal faith has grown, I have learned about the power of the wounded healer. Ultimately, that is who Jesus was for each of us; for it was by his wounds that we are healed (Isaiah 53:5).
Each of us in our own way, with our own scars, carry badges with us of the roads we have traveled and the things we have survived; like medals strewn around our neck, I believe the Lord values our stories so. We each are a tapestry of pain and of hope, and when you step back from it, you may just get a glimpse of how stunning it is.
So today, I hope that you can hear that your wounds have redeeming value.
You may not be in a season yet where the wound has healed enough to be a scar that can be shown and discussed. But I pray that by the grace of God, good support and possibly even counseling…there can and will be a time when your deepest hurt can be your greatest strength.
I’ve linked up this week over at: Intentionally Pursuing the Heart of God, Simplified Life, Redemption Diaries, 3D Lessons for Life , Purposeful Faith and Suzanne Eller
I found you through Intentionally Pursuing’s Intentional Tuesday. I struggled most of my life with feeling like I needed to act a certain way, do certain things to be a good Christ follower. It eventually led me to deal with extreme anxiety, fear, and depression. I now see how those words your sister spoke to you are so true. Because of the suffering I have faced in my life, I am more able to share the hope and love of Jesus with those around me who are suffering. Thank you for this beautifully written post!
Michelle, thank you so much for sharing a piece of your story here. It sounds like you really understand how our wounds/scars can be redeemed. I so appreciate your perspective and reading!
Hi, there! I’m stopping by from Tell His Story this evening. I love these beautiful words! As a recovering perfectionist myself, I’m learning that what you have written here is certainly true. Our wounds have value, especially in the hands of the Healer. One of my favorite sections of scripture talks about this very thing – the God of Comfort gives us comfort so that we can , in turn comfort others (2 Cor. 1). And in this, He is glorified! 🙂 Thanks for sharing with us.
Jen @ Being Confident of This
Hi Jen, Thanks for popping in and reading. I love the scripture you reference. He really is our ultimate source of comfort and teaches us how to be that for others too. Best to you!
"each and every heartache I have experienced has the potential to bring life to someone else." I love the hope this truth brings, my friend. Our testimony can bring life. God can redeem my hard parts by using me to bring comfort to someone else.
It is hard to share our story and expose our broken places. But when sharing has the potential to heal by pointing to my Healer, with God’s grace I’m learning to reveal my scars for His glory.
Thank you, Aundi, for sharing your encouraging words and beautiful scars at #IntentionalTuesday
Crystal, thanks so much for your encouragement and for reading. It is so scary to reveal our scars, but I praise God that you, too are learning to show your scars so that He may heal it and redeem it. Best to you today.
Andrea, I love what you have shared here — and it’s a reminder to me of how important it is for us to share our stories. When I had my miscarriage in 2010, that’s when I learned the secret — that lots of women are holding on to their pain. Over the last 5 years, I’ve met so many women who have bravely uncovered their beautiful scars. They are my heroes — thinking about them and my Jesus keeps me going on difficult days.
Lyli, thank you for bravely sharing that here. I so agree, there is much power in sharing our stories; in letting the dark places get light. Thank you for popping in here and for hosting the link up! Best to you.
I just posted a blog last week called Scars. You should read it when you have an opportunity. Just scroll. It is after this weeks blog. Good job! # RaRaLinkup. Jennyreeseclark.com
Jenny, thanks for saying hello! I will also look up your blog– that is a cool coincidence that you just wrote a post so recently about a similar idea. Scars are such a powerful image, don’t you think? Best to you today.
So much of your post resonated with my heart. I have so many scars – scars that tell my story, or His story of how has redeemed me. Several months ago, I reflected on the fact that Jesus still had His scars when He rose from the grave. To think that He conquered death but still allowed His scars remain told me that He wants us to be able to relate to Him easier. He has scars, I have scars. He didn’t have to have scars on His body, but I think He chose to keep them, and to show them – for our hearts.
Aimee, what a great reflection to realize that Jesus had his scars when He rose. He is so gracious and good with us and I agree it was for our benefit that He let us see it. Thank you so much for you comment and reading. Best to you.