• About Aundi
  • Videos
    • Try Softer Guided Journey Videos
    • Strong Like Water Guided Journey Videos
  • Books
    • Stay with Yourself
    • Try Softer
    • The Try Softer Guided Journey
    • Strong like Water
    • Strong Like Water: Guided Journey
    • Take What You Need
  • Work with Me
  • Speaking & Consulting
  • Podcasts
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • RSS
    • Twitter
Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 12, 2015 ·

When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}

Uncategorized

As I sat across from her, I could feel her body react to memories she shared. She was fire and courage in one person and I couldn’t help but appreciate what I saw. It took time and work to face her story, but I admire that she did.

She owned every piece of her life.

As we talked, I observed she was intentional and kind with herself. She acknowledged God’s grace, but she didn’t pretend it wasn’t hard. As we spoke, even her breathing seemed to be regulated by this calm.

Later, I thought about how brave begets brave. People like this inspire and make you want to take risks in the best possible way. They make you want to stare at the fierce critic in each of us and tell them to step on back. 

The longer I walk with folks through their stories, the more I notice most of us have a way of being with pain. Somewhere along the way, we learn to tiptoe around discomfort and conflict and difficult stuff.

And we forget how to breathe.

**

In my own life, I learned that trying hard and making things look good and pleasing people would bring peace. I thought I learned this made God happy, too.

Even as I write this, those coping skills don’t seem to make much sense. But all of us learn our way to be in the world, and this way was mine.

In the process of my tiptoeing, I think this is where I learned to breathe real shallow, both metaphorically and physically.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t even want to take up much space with my breath. Even that felt like an inconvenience.

All I wanted was to prove my value. 

Consequently, in learning this kind of coping, I rarely let my nervous system slow down enough to connect to a restorative place.

I began to think that was just normal.

Now, years and years later, I know the science behind our breathing. Research shows us that proper breathing has the effect of calming our fight/flight/freeze response and re-balancing our body so we can connect to more rational thinking (Han, 1997).

And let’s be blunt, the ability to think rationally can be a game changer.

The longer I am a counselor, the more integrated I see us as people. There is no escaping it, we were made for our whole person to be treated and addressed. We simply can’t pay attention to one part of ourselves and ignore other pieces.

For every person I meet that is truly leaning into healing and recovery in their own life, I always see one thing: they’ve begun to learn how to honor their body, as their soul and mind and hearts heal too.

Sometimes that means learning how to connect with relaxation techniques, other times it means simply paying attention to their body and recognizing that it’s part of the whole. 

But always, I see the acknowledgement that they don’t have to tiptoe anymore. 

So today, I wonder, what would it take for you to honor your body and allow yourself to breathe? Maybe it’s physically or metaphorically, but I’m guessing it’s both.

What would it look like to give your lungs the opportunity to dig down deep and get comfortable to allow air to move it’s way through?

Let’s try, shall we? 

Let’s choose to breathe and live fully in the bodies God has given us. 

References:

Han, J. N., et al. Unsteadiness of breathing in patients with hyperventilation syndrome and anxiety disorders. European Respiratory Journal 10.1 (1997): 167-176.

 

Share this:

  • Share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Facebook
  • Share on X (Opens in new window) X
Previous Post: « Risky {The Art of Being Known}
Next Post: For the Love Series {Book Launch and A Giveaway} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Robin Lee says

    August 12, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    I am slowly, painfully, purposefully trying to become a person who owns her own life. I have used that phrase many, many times. I love this.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 14, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Oh yes, I hear you on this process Robin. You are very brave for leaning into it. Thank you for your kind words and for reading.

  2. Kelly Ivey Johnson says

    August 13, 2015 at 12:35 am

    Aundi, another beautiful heartfelt post. It reminded me of why I love the beach so much. Something about the sea air makes me breathe more deeply. I remember leaving one year and thinking to myself that I was returning to "shallow" breathing and then it occurred to me that I can always be more intentional about taking full, deep breaths. It is crazy how centering and healing that practice can be. My daughter has battled anxiety and the mind-body connection is such an important part of healing. Thank you for your beautiful writing and your healing touch in the lives of your clients. Can’t wait to meet you in Austin, sweet friend! 🙂

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 13, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      I connect with the ocean too, Kelly. Something about it’s bigness always gives me perspective and grounds me. I am so glad that your daughter has you a support in her journey as well, it really is a process. Thanks you for encouragement and I am ecstatic to meet you!

  3. Andrea Stunz says

    August 15, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    Gosh, I couldn’t love this more. Breathing in your breath of fresh air this morning. Thank you for this one, Aundi!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 17, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      It is such an honor to encourage you, Andrea. Thanks for reading!

  4. Ashley Scott says

    August 17, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    I love the way you use "tiptoeing"…just the word brings up so many rich images. Secrets, the feeling in our feet, the wordy-person joy at saying the word aloud. Beautifully rich image, my friend, and beautifully written.
    Ashley

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 17, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Thank you so much for that encouragement, Ashley. It means a ton.

When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
🌿
One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
🌿
And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
🌿
Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
.

*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
.
(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
.
**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
.
Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
🌿
May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
🌿
As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
🌿
Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
🌿
And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
🌿
This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
🌿
This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
🌿
This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
🌿
Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
.
And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
🌿
(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2026 Aundi Kolber · Design by Bethany Ruth

    all fields required

    Would you like to subscribe to Aundi's email updates?
    YesNo