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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 12, 2015 ·

When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}

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As I sat across from her, I could feel her body react to memories she shared. She was fire and courage in one person and I couldn’t help but appreciate what I saw. It took time and work to face her story, but I admire that she did.

She owned every piece of her life.

As we talked, I observed she was intentional and kind with herself. She acknowledged God’s grace, but she didn’t pretend it wasn’t hard. As we spoke, even her breathing seemed to be regulated by this calm.

Later, I thought about how brave begets brave. People like this inspire and make you want to take risks in the best possible way. They make you want to stare at the fierce critic in each of us and tell them to step on back. 

The longer I walk with folks through their stories, the more I notice most of us have a way of being with pain. Somewhere along the way, we learn to tiptoe around discomfort and conflict and difficult stuff.

And we forget how to breathe.

**

In my own life, I learned that trying hard and making things look good and pleasing people would bring peace. I thought I learned this made God happy, too.

Even as I write this, those coping skills don’t seem to make much sense. But all of us learn our way to be in the world, and this way was mine.

In the process of my tiptoeing, I think this is where I learned to breathe real shallow, both metaphorically and physically.  Maybe it’s because I didn’t even want to take up much space with my breath. Even that felt like an inconvenience.

All I wanted was to prove my value. 

Consequently, in learning this kind of coping, I rarely let my nervous system slow down enough to connect to a restorative place.

I began to think that was just normal.

Now, years and years later, I know the science behind our breathing. Research shows us that proper breathing has the effect of calming our fight/flight/freeze response and re-balancing our body so we can connect to more rational thinking (Han, 1997).

And let’s be blunt, the ability to think rationally can be a game changer.

The longer I am a counselor, the more integrated I see us as people. There is no escaping it, we were made for our whole person to be treated and addressed. We simply can’t pay attention to one part of ourselves and ignore other pieces.

For every person I meet that is truly leaning into healing and recovery in their own life, I always see one thing: they’ve begun to learn how to honor their body, as their soul and mind and hearts heal too.

Sometimes that means learning how to connect with relaxation techniques, other times it means simply paying attention to their body and recognizing that it’s part of the whole. 

But always, I see the acknowledgement that they don’t have to tiptoe anymore. 

So today, I wonder, what would it take for you to honor your body and allow yourself to breathe? Maybe it’s physically or metaphorically, but I’m guessing it’s both.

What would it look like to give your lungs the opportunity to dig down deep and get comfortable to allow air to move it’s way through?

Let’s try, shall we? 

Let’s choose to breathe and live fully in the bodies God has given us. 

References:

Han, J. N., et al. Unsteadiness of breathing in patients with hyperventilation syndrome and anxiety disorders. European Respiratory Journal 10.1 (1997): 167-176.

 

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Comments

  1. Robin Lee says

    August 12, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    I am slowly, painfully, purposefully trying to become a person who owns her own life. I have used that phrase many, many times. I love this.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 14, 2015 at 2:25 pm

      Oh yes, I hear you on this process Robin. You are very brave for leaning into it. Thank you for your kind words and for reading.

  2. Kelly Ivey Johnson says

    August 13, 2015 at 12:35 am

    Aundi, another beautiful heartfelt post. It reminded me of why I love the beach so much. Something about the sea air makes me breathe more deeply. I remember leaving one year and thinking to myself that I was returning to "shallow" breathing and then it occurred to me that I can always be more intentional about taking full, deep breaths. It is crazy how centering and healing that practice can be. My daughter has battled anxiety and the mind-body connection is such an important part of healing. Thank you for your beautiful writing and your healing touch in the lives of your clients. Can’t wait to meet you in Austin, sweet friend! 🙂

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 13, 2015 at 2:49 pm

      I connect with the ocean too, Kelly. Something about it’s bigness always gives me perspective and grounds me. I am so glad that your daughter has you a support in her journey as well, it really is a process. Thanks you for encouragement and I am ecstatic to meet you!

  3. Andrea Stunz says

    August 15, 2015 at 12:11 pm

    Gosh, I couldn’t love this more. Breathing in your breath of fresh air this morning. Thank you for this one, Aundi!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 17, 2015 at 6:26 pm

      It is such an honor to encourage you, Andrea. Thanks for reading!

  4. Ashley Scott says

    August 17, 2015 at 3:27 pm

    I love the way you use "tiptoeing"…just the word brings up so many rich images. Secrets, the feeling in our feet, the wordy-person joy at saying the word aloud. Beautifully rich image, my friend, and beautifully written.
    Ashley

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 17, 2015 at 6:27 pm

      Thank you so much for that encouragement, Ashley. It means a ton.

It’s really hard to experience God as safe when yo It’s really hard to experience God as safe when you’re taught theology that defends abusers and abandons the abused.
🌿
May there be a repair for every untruth that has facilitated your harm.
🌿
May your healing come. 🙏
(As always take what you need). #StayWithYourself 
#TrySofter #LoveYourNeighborASYourself #religioustrauma survivor-centered trauma-informed
Being able to name our experience is so helpful & Being able to name our experience is so helpful & important, but with the fawn response—it can start to feel suffocating to know about what we’re experiencing and feel like we can’t change it. 
.
And yet, we can learn to work “with” our fawn response; living from our Center instead of survival. #staywithyourself #trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd
If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what y If it resonates, it’s for you. May you have what you need to stay with yourself.🕯️#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #LoveyourneighborASYourself #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
.
Fawn, fawn response, cPTSD, healing, nervous system, religious trauma, attachment trauma, alignment, faith and mental health
A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat o A huge congrats to my dear friend, @chuckdegroat on the release of his newest offering, “Who You’re Becoming: The Slow and Courageous Work of Cultivating Character in a Narcissistic Age.” This is a phenomenally timely book, written by someone who works to embody what he writes. I was honored to endorse it. Here’s what I said:
.
“In the midst of our unmoored, image obsessed culture, Dr. Chuck DeGroat offers us the grounding wisdom we so often forget: God is with us as we become ourselves. With kindness and deft insight, DeGroat leads us through the practical, courageous, and often slow work required to cultivate maturity and true character. In so doing, Who You’re Becoming serves as a powerful and needed guide for anyone wanting to go beyond a try-hard faith or mere surface level change—so they can deepen into their truest, beloved selves.”
Aundi Kolber MA, LPC
Therapist & Author of Try Softer and Strong like Water
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Congrats, Chuck! You can find “Who You’re Becoming” wherever books are sold (link in stories or check out an excerpt on my substack today—also in stories 🎉)
#WhoYoureBecoming
There can be so much valid grief that comes from l There can be so much valid grief that comes from losing relationships while you heal.*
🍁 
But if you have to choose between keeping a relationship & keeping you—l hope you choose you.
🍁
God does not abandon you, & you don’t have to abandon yourself either. Selah. 
(As always, take what you need 🕯️)
#StayWithYourself #Fawning #TrySofter #Cptsd #narcissticabuse 
🍁
Need more resources & insight? You can pre-order my newest offering, “Stay With Yourself,” that addresses exactly these issues (link in profile).
🍁
*For example, from setting healthy boundaries, advocating for yourself, or being unwilling to participate in toxic dynamics.
.
 Boundaries | embodied boundaries | interpersonal trauma | relationships | self compassion | integrating faith and mental health
Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emo Importantly, we don’t regulate to bypass valid emotions around injustice or harm一but rather so we can access the clarity to live in alignment even amidst intensity.
🌿 
And so may you find Ground that holds you steady.
#StayWithYourself #StronglikeWater #TrySofter #regulation #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨ #StayWithYourself #Try May your healing come. 🪴🫶🏻✨
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #HealAnyway #TakeWhatYouNee
.

Fawn | trauma | trauma resolution | cPTSD | religious trauma | nervous system | attachment trauma | complex trauma | grief | faith and mental health | self compassion | compassionate attention
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