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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 18, 2015 ·

For the Love Series {Book Launch and A Giveaway}

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For months now, I’ve been trying to figure out my favorite part of Jen Hatmaker’s new book, “For the Love.” It’s been nearly 6 months since I was asked to be on the launch team and it feels like a whirlwind experience. Part of the reason is because I’ve had the opportunity to be part of an amazing community we call the #500. I blogged about the experience here and I continue to be amazed by it. 

And then, after I read the book (the first time) I wrote this post regarding healthy boundaries and saying ‘no.’  This is what Jen refers to as having a “balanced beam.” And that general theme is still pretty high up on my favs list. But the truth is, as of this moment I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I love the most. It’s not that there aren’t exceptional parts (there are).

It’s that there are so many.

But because today is launch day and I believe this book is fabulous, I’m going to give my favorite pieces a shot.

**

As a counselor, I have a particular propensity to listen closely when a Christian leader discusses principles around self-care, boundaries, parenting and relationships. This is because there’s a whole heap of terrible advice out there. We hear suggestions like: Be better, ignore it, try harder, pray exactly this way, or even buy this one thing and your life will be perfect. 

Hogwash.

Or, as Jen would say, “Horsecrappery.” 

These thoughts are usually well-intentioned, but they frequently come from a place of ignorance, privilege, and poor theology. Additionally, I think they add to the well of shame that so many of us can get stuck in. Most importantly, these little gems are lacking because they focus on our own actions versus the ultimate life giver of change and perspective.

 Photo Credit: Bethany Beams

Photo Credit: Bethany Beams

We all have a responsibility in our actions and life, but unless we recognize our need to weave grace into every nook and cranny of our existence, our actions will fall flat.

This is what Jen does so well in “For the Love,” she models this fragrant grace that we all so desperately want and need. She proposes that we can’t go wrong with integrating love and grace in all things. 

We can’t love God too much, or people, or kiddos, or our spouses, our churches or even ourselves. It’s always a win to love well.

True life giving love is the result of who we become as Christians. And, when we know Jesus, it’s as if we have access to the well that doesn’t run dry.

Sure, there can be particular ways to love each other well, but we never succeed by throwing in a heaping dose of judgment or control or worry.

Jen says it so well here:

“God measures our entire existence by only two things: How we love Him and how we love people. If you get this right, you can get a million other things wrong “ (pg 66).

And so dear readers, may I just say to you, this book is worth your time. Jen weaves in her love of Jesus within her love of people in each and every page. Sometimes you’ll snort as she discusses why leggings aren’t pants and sometimes you’ll bawl when she talks about the way she loves her kiddos, but you’ll know she is with you and for you. 


Interested in reading “For the Love”? Leave me a comment and tell me why you’d like to read it or sign up for my email list (for 2 entries)! I’ll pick a winner by Friday, August 21st. Check back here on Friday to see who won! 

 

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Previous Post: « When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}
Next Post: Hurts So Good {On Learning to Stay With It} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ashley Scott says

    August 18, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    Such an elegant post. You have such a rational and loving way of tying our Christian walk to real life. I am not the biggest Jen fan, but I’d love for this book to be the one that changes my opinion…and I’m a huge Aundi fan, so if you like it this much I probably will too!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      Ashley, you are so gracious! Thank you friend for your kind words and I do believe this book could make you a Jen fan.

      • Andrea Kolber says

        August 22, 2015 at 1:12 pm

        Ashley, congrats on winning the book giveaway!

  2. Kelly Ivey Johnson says

    August 18, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    LOVE your post and love your writing, as usual. Don’t enter me in the contest, as I already own 10 and I’m also trying to give them away :-), but just wanted you to know that I think you nailed it! See you soon!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      You are such an encouragement to me Kelly! It has been a pleasure to be on the launch team with you!

  3. Rebecca Katzer says

    August 19, 2015 at 5:24 am

    "We all have a responsibility in our actions and life, but unless we recognize our need to weave grace into every nook and cranny of our existence, our actions will fall flat."

    I needed this today. Thanks, friend.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      You are so very welcome. Thank you for reading and saying hello!

Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we Relational trauma & abuse often teaches us that we can either choose authenticity or belonging—but not both. In these dynamics, folks often learn they must hyperattune, overaccomodate, overfunction and/or walk on eggshells to remain in relationships. We do this to stay connected to harmful caregivers, primary relationships and/or to exist in systems we depend on for survival; and this makes sense. Sometimes we have to do whatever is necessary to survive. 
.
As Dr. Gabor Mate writes, “People have two needs: Attachment and authenticity. And when authenticity threatens attachment; attachment trumps authenticity.”
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The consequence of having to disown and leave ourselves are profound—and yet, we can learn to find the way home to our God-given, resilient, fragile and Beloved selves. May it be so. #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #fawning #cptsd
A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take A blessing of sorts for you today. As always, take what you need. 
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #selfcompassion #healanyway
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An ongoing shout out to Dr. Kristin Neff for her work around self-compassion. 🫶🏻
.
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IC: hand over heart // May you interrupt shame with self-compassion
Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Sometimes poetry (such as from the legendary Mary Oliver), helps capture truth in a way psychology struggles to fully articulate. The reality of what it feels like to thaw the pain we hold can be difficult to put words to, but this from Mary has been so meaningful to me:
🌿
“We shake with joy,
we shake with grief.
What a time they have, these two
housed as they are in the same body.”
-Mary Oliver, We Shake With Joy
.
Sending love.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed #traumaresolution #cptsd
Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profoun Me. Him. 19 years of marriage. I have such profound gratitude for our love and the life, God helping us, we’ve created. Sometimes, against all odds. 
🌿
But here we are, still choosing each other; choosing us. The goodness of God in the land of the living.
🌿
Thank you for all the ways you’ve helped me find home again, B. Happy anniversary, my love. @bckolber
#trysofter #stronglikewater
Not me geeking out because my words are on @insigh Not me geeking out because my words are on @insighttimer today (just kidding, I’m totally geeking out 🙃🥹)
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Fun fact, Insight Timer has been a huge resource in my personal work toward self-compassion and mindfulness, particularly practices with Sarah Blondin.
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Thanks @stephpoe1 & @hkoxhandler for making sure I didn’t miss it ✨🫶🏻✨
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And thanks @insighttimer for the shout out.🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #insighttimer #cptsd #trauma
In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it co In case no one’s ever told you: I honor what it cost you to know what you know.❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹
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May your healing come.🌿
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#trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #traumaresolution #cptsd
Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and Such an important quote from @diane.langberg — and I might add, that it’s not only in churches, but in non-profits, families, parachurch ministries, goverments, NGO’s, the publishing industry, and any systems where we don’t consciously and actively make it safe for survivors to speak up. 
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As Dr. Jennifer Freyd notes regarding institutional courage: “We must cherish the whistleblowers.” Indeed. 
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And to the survivors: I honor you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be so strong. ❤️‍🩹
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May you be surprised by the mystery of healing. 🌿
#trysofter #stronglikewater #cptsd #healanyway #traumaresolution
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