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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

August 18, 2015 ·

For the Love Series {Book Launch and A Giveaway}

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For months now, I’ve been trying to figure out my favorite part of Jen Hatmaker’s new book, “For the Love.” It’s been nearly 6 months since I was asked to be on the launch team and it feels like a whirlwind experience. Part of the reason is because I’ve had the opportunity to be part of an amazing community we call the #500. I blogged about the experience here and I continue to be amazed by it. 

And then, after I read the book (the first time) I wrote this post regarding healthy boundaries and saying ‘no.’  This is what Jen refers to as having a “balanced beam.” And that general theme is still pretty high up on my favs list. But the truth is, as of this moment I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I love the most. It’s not that there aren’t exceptional parts (there are).

It’s that there are so many.

But because today is launch day and I believe this book is fabulous, I’m going to give my favorite pieces a shot.

**

As a counselor, I have a particular propensity to listen closely when a Christian leader discusses principles around self-care, boundaries, parenting and relationships. This is because there’s a whole heap of terrible advice out there. We hear suggestions like: Be better, ignore it, try harder, pray exactly this way, or even buy this one thing and your life will be perfect. 

Hogwash.

Or, as Jen would say, “Horsecrappery.” 

These thoughts are usually well-intentioned, but they frequently come from a place of ignorance, privilege, and poor theology. Additionally, I think they add to the well of shame that so many of us can get stuck in. Most importantly, these little gems are lacking because they focus on our own actions versus the ultimate life giver of change and perspective.

 Photo Credit: Bethany Beams

Photo Credit: Bethany Beams

We all have a responsibility in our actions and life, but unless we recognize our need to weave grace into every nook and cranny of our existence, our actions will fall flat.

This is what Jen does so well in “For the Love,” she models this fragrant grace that we all so desperately want and need. She proposes that we can’t go wrong with integrating love and grace in all things. 

We can’t love God too much, or people, or kiddos, or our spouses, our churches or even ourselves. It’s always a win to love well.

True life giving love is the result of who we become as Christians. And, when we know Jesus, it’s as if we have access to the well that doesn’t run dry.

Sure, there can be particular ways to love each other well, but we never succeed by throwing in a heaping dose of judgment or control or worry.

Jen says it so well here:

“God measures our entire existence by only two things: How we love Him and how we love people. If you get this right, you can get a million other things wrong “ (pg 66).

And so dear readers, may I just say to you, this book is worth your time. Jen weaves in her love of Jesus within her love of people in each and every page. Sometimes you’ll snort as she discusses why leggings aren’t pants and sometimes you’ll bawl when she talks about the way she loves her kiddos, but you’ll know she is with you and for you. 


Interested in reading “For the Love”? Leave me a comment and tell me why you’d like to read it or sign up for my email list (for 2 entries)! I’ll pick a winner by Friday, August 21st. Check back here on Friday to see who won! 

 

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Previous Post: « When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}
Next Post: Hurts So Good {On Learning to Stay With It} »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ashley Scott says

    August 18, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    Such an elegant post. You have such a rational and loving way of tying our Christian walk to real life. I am not the biggest Jen fan, but I’d love for this book to be the one that changes my opinion…and I’m a huge Aundi fan, so if you like it this much I probably will too!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      Ashley, you are so gracious! Thank you friend for your kind words and I do believe this book could make you a Jen fan.

      • Andrea Kolber says

        August 22, 2015 at 1:12 pm

        Ashley, congrats on winning the book giveaway!

  2. Kelly Ivey Johnson says

    August 18, 2015 at 11:15 pm

    LOVE your post and love your writing, as usual. Don’t enter me in the contest, as I already own 10 and I’m also trying to give them away :-), but just wanted you to know that I think you nailed it! See you soon!

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:22 pm

      You are such an encouragement to me Kelly! It has been a pleasure to be on the launch team with you!

  3. Rebecca Katzer says

    August 19, 2015 at 5:24 am

    "We all have a responsibility in our actions and life, but unless we recognize our need to weave grace into every nook and cranny of our existence, our actions will fall flat."

    I needed this today. Thanks, friend.

    • Andrea Kolber says

      August 19, 2015 at 6:23 pm

      You are so very welcome. Thank you for reading and saying hello!

Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I’ve been here and I’m peeking my head in to say hi. I’ve been taking some extended time off of social media and it’s has been helpful, needed, and clarifying—though I miss connecting with you all here.
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A few months ago, I shared that I’m troubled by much of IG’s current framework (more on that in stories.) Sooo I’m working to change how I show up here and I think some of that will mean that parts of my public work will be other places. I don’t have all of it figured out yet, but I hope you’ll stay tuned and I will be sure to share more as I have it available. Either way, thanks for being here. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, using your voice and influence in the ways that you’re able. May we all have what we need to heal anyway. 🫶🏻
#TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #HealAnyway #StronglikeWater
Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be so disorienting and disturbing when you’ve experienced abuse or oppression that is targeted at making you question your reality.
🌿
So frequently in this kind of situation we learn to mistrust ourselves as a way to make sense of what is happening; even if our perceptions are indeed accurate. 
🌿
Often, at least part of the repair to this kind of experience starts with being fully seen & validated in the presence of someone else’s compassionate, attuned attention. This safety allows us to rebuild our internal templates— at whatever pace we’re able—so that we can ultimately come to believe ourselves (again or for the first time) & and live more and more from our true God-given self. #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Need more resources + insight? Follow along at @aundikolber or check out my books, “Try Softer,” “Strong like Water,” and “Take What You Need” (links in profile 💛)
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*alt text in post*
Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, and though there are many different significant insights from this day and the whole Lenten season—one important element I’m thinking about today is this: 
We are not machines. 
We are not objects. 
We are not check lists.
We are not commodities. 
We are not projects. 
We are not drive through windows.
We are not trash receptacles. 
We are fragile, resilient, and oh, so, Beloved humans that will someday be dust. But even then, we will be sacred dust.
🌿
In a time where dehumanizing rhetoric seems to rule the day, particularly towards those who have already been the most marginalized—may our finite humanity be an invitation to remember how we want to live & move in the world. #TrySofter #CompassionateAttention #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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*alt text included in post*
So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it mat So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it matters deeply that the language we use in healing reflects empowerment and repair.
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Through the years, I have worked to find words that help translate an invitational, survivor centered, trauma informed ethos into language. I am certainly not perfect, and in many ways that’s the point, isn’t it? All of us are in process and I think that—as we are able—staying connected to that humility allows us to stay open to growing & working toward loving our neighbor *as* ourselves.
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Tonight I was thinking about the many phrases that have reminded me of this open posture—and I was inspired to write down a few. (I have loved seeing this poetry format floating around the internet—kuddos to the originator 🙏🏻)
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📙Needing more resources & insight? I’d be honored if you check out my newest offering that released just two weeks ago: “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days” (link in profile 🌻) #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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*Alt text included in post*
Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you wh Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you what, I feel deeply grateful to be alive. What a privilege it is to grow older. This last year was hard in ways I haven’t been able to fully share, but I think someday I will. But here’s what I noticed in myself this last year: more so than ever before I have learned to trust the voice God has given me & the wisdom placed within me.
🌿
A significant portion of the trauma & particularly narcissistic abuse I experienced in my life has been targeted at causing me to disbelieve my own reality, experience, strength, and integrity. It caused me so much suffering not to know if I could believe myself. It has been the hardest work of my life to choose—again and again—to be on my own damn team. To know God is already waiting for me to see how loved I am; to see the people who choose me; to see the Goodness already present around me; to embody what I have devoted my life to teaching, speaking, and writing about.
🌿
Thank you for being here; my heart is full. #TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #StronglikeWater #cptsd #narcissticabuse #healanyway
There will come a time when I’ll be ready to ful There will come a time when I’ll be ready to fully unpack the bittersweet goodness & honor of being back on the Oregon coast this last week. But for today, I sense my body & spirit need a bit more time to fully digest all that happened.
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In the meantime I’ll say this, the quote I shared from Francis Weller reminds me of what I felt for so much of my trip; the necessary partnership of grief & aliveness. They are inextricably linked and a vital part of our God given humanity. In so many respects healing will always involve grieving because it’s part of the mechanism that allows us to metabolize pain. Often I think of the verses that remind us that Jesus was acquainted with grief; a man of sorrows—and it heartens me in my own deep work and what Francis Weller calls an “apprenticeship with sorrow.” 
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Each of my siblings, my mom, and even my nieces and nephews have their own story, but all of us have had to walk our own journeys of grief, repair, and ultimately—gratefully—aliveness. I’m so proud of this little family of mine and thankful for these sweet moments where we’ve been able to both celebrate and grieve as we walk the path. And it’s not lost on me how much this kind of work matters, especially in a world that seeks to desensitize us to suffering and the humanity around us. May we each have what we need for our own “apprenticeship with sorrow,” because the world needs our aliveness. #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
If it feels like a resource, then I hope you take If it feels like a resource, then I hope you take what you need ✌🏻
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(I’m mostly offline this week as I’m in Oregon for a bit, visiting my family & my old stomping grounds. Grateful to be here 💛🌊) 
#TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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📔 Needing more resources & insight? Check out my newest offering: “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days”—a contemplative coffee table book designed to make my previous writings as accessible as possible (link in profile💛)
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IC: Your softness will always feel like a threat to folks who want your heart hard + half alive.
I hope you stay soft anyway.
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