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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

Latest from the Blog

June 18, 2015 ·

When Father’s Day Hurts

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It’s been 8 years now.Father's Day didn't used to hold a lot of weight for me, just another Hallmark holiday really, but it's been 8 years since my dad chose not to be in my life. The most defining moment came when he wasn't at my wedding.My brother walked me down the rose covered aisle, and I ...
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June 12, 2015 ·

Becoming Un-Stuck

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The dark sky is swirling above me and clouds are forming. Like the weather, I feel pretty gloomy because I feel stuck; the sense that nothing I do will create movement or change. I wonder whether I will address this issue or that one? Do I put my energy here, here or here? My vision feels blurry and ...
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June 4, 2015 ·

Moment to Moment

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I stared down at her plump cheeks and her dark lashes and thought, ‘I have so much to do today.’"But mom, please put on your party dress.”She handed me the crotchet blanket that would serve as my dress. Not unlike many mornings, my Tiny wanted me to focus on her for a while; she wanted me to enter ...
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May 27, 2015 ·

An Open Hand

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I have a confession. My default setting is scarcity. It's the gnawing feeling that there won't ever be enough; not for me and certainly not for you. It can infect any area of life including energy, time, money or love. Scarcity at it's core is a continual lack. The result is I must ...
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May 20, 2015 ·

It Can Be Both

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After 9.5 years in Colorado, I am still floored by our weather. I can't tell you the number of times I have started the day in a tank top, only to have it snow a few hours later. Or, I began the day with snow boots, only to be in my shorts by the afternoon.Outdoor picnic? Let's figure it ...
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May 13, 2015 ·

A Therapist Note

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Dear reader, The job that I do places me in an interesting position. Essentially, as a mental health counselor I have the great honor of walking with folks through various types of pain, struggles and mental health issues. I watch with a combination of emotions as segments of our ...
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It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch It was such a privilege to preach at @christchurch.us this last Sunday about what it means that we are Held by God in our pain + how that can empower us to try softer. Especially knowing what a tender + at times complex holiday Mother’s Day can be—it felt especially meaningful to offer this message. 
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And, it was a special bonus to be invited by our dear friend @steveryancarter + to spend time with the lovely @heysarahcarter, too. So much goodness. Thanks for the incredible hospitality, @christchurch.us! 🫶🏻
#trysofter #takewhatyouneed #stronglikewater
Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I Hello, my dears…it has been a long while since I’ve been here and I’m peeking my head in to say hi. I’ve been taking some extended time off of social media and it’s has been helpful, needed, and clarifying—though I miss connecting with you all here.
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A few months ago, I shared that I’m troubled by much of IG’s current framework (more on that in stories.) Sooo I’m working to change how I show up here and I think some of that will mean that parts of my public work will be other places. I don’t have all of it figured out yet, but I hope you’ll stay tuned and I will be sure to share more as I have it available. Either way, thanks for being here. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, using your voice and influence in the ways that you’re able. May we all have what we need to heal anyway. 🫶🏻
#TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #HealAnyway #StronglikeWater
Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be Thinking about this as we end the week: It can be so disorienting and disturbing when you’ve experienced abuse or oppression that is targeted at making you question your reality.
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So frequently in this kind of situation we learn to mistrust ourselves as a way to make sense of what is happening; even if our perceptions are indeed accurate. 
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Often, at least part of the repair to this kind of experience starts with being fully seen & validated in the presence of someone else’s compassionate, attuned attention. This safety allows us to rebuild our internal templates— at whatever pace we’re able—so that we can ultimately come to believe ourselves (again or for the first time) & and live more and more from our true God-given self. #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed
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Need more resources + insight? Follow along at @aundikolber or check out my books, “Try Softer,” “Strong like Water,” and “Take What You Need” (links in profile 💛)
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Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, Today is Ash Wednesday in the Christian tradition, and though there are many different significant insights from this day and the whole Lenten season—one important element I’m thinking about today is this: 
We are not machines. 
We are not objects. 
We are not check lists.
We are not commodities. 
We are not projects. 
We are not drive through windows.
We are not trash receptacles. 
We are fragile, resilient, and oh, so, Beloved humans that will someday be dust. But even then, we will be sacred dust.
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In a time where dehumanizing rhetoric seems to rule the day, particularly towards those who have already been the most marginalized—may our finite humanity be an invitation to remember how we want to live & move in the world. #TrySofter #CompassionateAttention #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #LoveYourNeighborASYourself
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So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it mat So much of trauma takes away choice, and so it matters deeply that the language we use in healing reflects empowerment and repair.
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Through the years, I have worked to find words that help translate an invitational, survivor centered, trauma informed ethos into language. I am certainly not perfect, and in many ways that’s the point, isn’t it? All of us are in process and I think that—as we are able—staying connected to that humility allows us to stay open to growing & working toward loving our neighbor *as* ourselves.
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Tonight I was thinking about the many phrases that have reminded me of this open posture—and I was inspired to write down a few. (I have loved seeing this poetry format floating around the internet—kuddos to the originator 🙏🏻)
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📙Needing more resources & insight? I’d be honored if you check out my newest offering that released just two weeks ago: “Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days” (link in profile 🌻) #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you wh Today is my 42nd birthday—and I’ll tell you what, I feel deeply grateful to be alive. What a privilege it is to grow older. This last year was hard in ways I haven’t been able to fully share, but I think someday I will. But here’s what I noticed in myself this last year: more so than ever before I have learned to trust the voice God has given me & the wisdom placed within me.
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A significant portion of the trauma & particularly narcissistic abuse I experienced in my life has been targeted at causing me to disbelieve my own reality, experience, strength, and integrity. It caused me so much suffering not to know if I could believe myself. It has been the hardest work of my life to choose—again and again—to be on my own damn team. To know God is already waiting for me to see how loved I am; to see the people who choose me; to see the Goodness already present around me; to embody what I have devoted my life to teaching, speaking, and writing about.
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Thank you for being here; my heart is full. #TrySofter #TakeWhatYouNeed #StronglikeWater #cptsd #narcissticabuse #healanyway
There will come a time when I’ll be ready to ful There will come a time when I’ll be ready to fully unpack the bittersweet goodness & honor of being back on the Oregon coast this last week. But for today, I sense my body & spirit need a bit more time to fully digest all that happened.
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In the meantime I’ll say this, the quote I shared from Francis Weller reminds me of what I felt for so much of my trip; the necessary partnership of grief & aliveness. They are inextricably linked and a vital part of our God given humanity. In so many respects healing will always involve grieving because it’s part of the mechanism that allows us to metabolize pain. Often I think of the verses that remind us that Jesus was acquainted with grief; a man of sorrows—and it heartens me in my own deep work and what Francis Weller calls an “apprenticeship with sorrow.” 
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Each of my siblings, my mom, and even my nieces and nephews have their own story, but all of us have had to walk our own journeys of grief, repair, and ultimately—gratefully—aliveness. I’m so proud of this little family of mine and thankful for these sweet moments where we’ve been able to both celebrate and grieve as we walk the path. And it’s not lost on me how much this kind of work matters, especially in a world that seeks to desensitize us to suffering and the humanity around us. May we each have what we need for our own “apprenticeship with sorrow,” because the world needs our aliveness. #TakeWhatYouNeed #TrySofter #StronglikeWater
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