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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

Latest from the Blog

August 18, 2015 ·

For the Love Series {Book Launch and A Giveaway}

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For months now, I’ve been trying to figure out my favorite part of Jen Hatmaker’s new book, “For the Love.” It’s been nearly 6 months since I was asked to be on the launch team and it feels like a whirlwind experience. Part of the reason is because I’ve had the opportunity to be part of an amazing ...
Read More about For the Love Series {Book Launch and A Giveaway}

August 12, 2015 ·

When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}

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As I sat across from her, I could feel her body react to memories she shared. She was fire and courage in one person and I couldn’t help but appreciate what I saw. It took time and work to face her story, but I admire that she did.She owned every piece of her life.As we talked, I observed she was ...
Read More about When You Choose to Breathe {You May Find Life}

July 28, 2015 ·

Risky {The Art of Being Known}

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She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I hear you. I've felt that too." And I knew, in the core of my core, she meant it.As we stood there in our sweaty workout clothes, with tiny little people swarming the playground, I felt her solidarity. My breathing slowed and my shoulders ...
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July 22, 2015 ·

When You Want to Fix Someone {But You’d Rather Love Them} Pt 2

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We've all done it.We've all given advice when it wasn't asked for, or suspected that someone else's situation is simple and you know the answer. What you may not know is how detrimental "fixing" can be to a relationship. Recently, I wrote on the idea that when we “fix” others, it’s ...
Read More about When You Want to Fix Someone {But You’d Rather Love Them} Pt 2

July 15, 2015 ·

Why I Won’t Fix You {Even When You Make Me Uncomfortable} Pt. 1

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Welcome! This is Part 1 in a series on relationships and learning to love people in process. We all need a little help in these areas sometimes, don't you think? I hope these words encourage you and help you to live life bravely. This may rock your world, but I don't know ...
Read More about Why I Won’t Fix You {Even When You Make Me Uncomfortable} Pt. 1

July 2, 2015 ·

Will You Take the Leap?

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My brain is fried in the best possible way. I've got days of learning and tips and good information all piled in there like a library that needs a book sale. Writing isn't for the faint of heart. I gaze at people networking and connecting all around in our cozy conference space and I ...
Read More about Will You Take the Leap?

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When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can When we don’t center survivors—it matters. It can change the trajectory of someone’s healing.
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One of the reasons I emphasize offering as much agency as possible in places where I have influence (like writing, speaking, & therapy), is because experiences of powerlessness are a core component of trauma,* and so often, people are re-traumatized when they try to get help and heal. 
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And yet, we cannot heal a wound the way it was created. Where agency was stolen or taken, it must be returned & restored for there to be repair.
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Centering survivors matters. And healing must take a different path than harm. May it be so. #StayWithYourself 
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*Including but not limited to developmental, spiritual, relational, sexual, medical, racial, and more
#trysofter #cptsd #stronglikewater #healanyway
Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Tak Sending all my love to trauma survivors today. Take extra care. And as my friend @sarahcarterwest says, I’m keeping my candle lit with you.🕯️❤️‍🩹
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #selfcompassion #loveyourneighborASYourself #cptsd
This particular lament has been on the tip of my l This particular lament has been on the tip of my lips for months now, but as news like the Cornell 7 & profound allegations of abuse are uncovered in Christian spaces—I wanted to write and share it now. #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #PrayersOfATraumaSurvivor 
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(Dedicated to Jane Doe, and each person who has been harmed by institution betrayal).
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**Dr. Jennifer Freyd coined the term institutional betrayal and it is when “a trusted organization or system harms an individual who depends on it, or fails to prevent and properly respond to wrongdoings committed within its context.” She notes the opposite of institutional betrayal is institutional courage.** 
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Selah.
For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking For all the times you’ve shamed yourself, thinking it would somehow heal you, I see you. 
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May compassion be your portion. 🙏
(As always, take what you need)
#StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #TakeWhatYouNeed #Beloved
I still can’t believe all the love from my announc I still can’t believe all the love from my announcement of “Stay With Yourself.” 😭🕯️Thank you, thank you, thank you. What an absolute honor. Truly.
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As your week ends, I wonder if any of these resonate? As always, take what you need.🫶🏻 #StayWithYourself #TrySofter #StronglikeWater #fawning #cptsd 
(You can pre-order “Stay With Yourself” wherever books are sold. Links in my profile 📕)
Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newes Eeeeeee! I am SO excited to finally share my newest offering, this work of my heart: 
“Stay With Yourself: A Soft & Fierce Invitation to Unlearn Pleasing, Performing, & Keeping the Peace—And Live From Your Truest, God-Given Center”(releasing March, 9th, 2027🎉)
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Whew, this book has been a long time coming. I first wrote about fawning & how we brilliantly survive relational trauma by leaving ourselves (especially by overaccomodating, self abandonment, appeasing, and keeping the peace) back in “Try Softer” (2020). The truth is though, I always knew there was more for me to say. Because fawning is often the engine for so much suffering for relational trauma survivors—and in truth, so much of my own suffering; I knew there would come a time I would write this very book. I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now. 
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And so, this is a book about how elemental our relationships are, at every stage, but especially in childhood—and what happens when we have to leave ourselves to survive.
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This is a book about the way fawning keeps us alive (thank God) & connected to relationships that we perceive are necessary for our survival, but can come to feel like suffocating chains if we don’t have enough safety to unlearn it.
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This is a book about how regularly Christian spaces conflate the fawn survival response of overaccomodating, self-abandonment, & appeasement for Jesus’ call toward healthy generosity and self-giving. It’s also about the ways this misunderstanding is often purposely weaponized to facilitate compliance & silence, especially from the most vulnerable. 
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This is a book about what happens when we don’t have access to the solidness and truth of who God made us to be; our Self. It’s about the ways it changes the very essence of our internal organization, our ability to heal, & how we show up in the world.
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Ultimately, this is also a loveletter—about what it means to build the capacity to do something different; to finally feel the healthy anger, grief, & clarity we must feel to live in alignment—and stay with our God-given selves {I would be so honored if you would consider pre-ordering! You can find the link in my profile and in stories 🕯️🕯️🕯️}
Fawning is a relational trauma response to relatio Fawning is a relational trauma response to relational trauma. It requires us to lose ourselves, so we don’t lose relationships that are essential for our safety and survival. 
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And because this trauma deeply ruptures our relationship to ourselves; our own body — the healing must always include and repair how we relate to ourselves, too.
May it be so.
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(p.s. I have a huge announcement related to this coming out next week, if you’re not subscribed to my email list, I’d love to have you!)🌿 (link in stories or at substack.com/@aundikolber)
#fawning #cptsd #trysofter #stronglikewater
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