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Aundi Kolber

Aundi Kolber

Latest from the Blog

April 28, 2015 ·

To the Ones Who Want to Give Up

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As I hunched over, crying my ugly cry, I finally took a breath after what felt like hours of unrelenting sobs. And then I allowed myself to acknowledge the truth: it was over; really truly, very much over.At the tender age of 22, I had been engaged, and now it was off.He was a good man, not perfect ...
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April 22, 2015 ·

The Bitter and the Sweet

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There’s something about traveling that stirs me. I feel alive and connected and alone all at once.Recently we took a trip where we saw family and vacationed at the same time. This was significant for us because we don’t live near any relatives and we very much enjoy seeing them. Both my husband and ...
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April 14, 2015 ·

Fan the Flame

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I’m one of those people who can revel in words. I enjoy a beautiful sentence, I’m a collector of quotes and I’ll choose a good book over most activities.Plus, I’m certain that “words of affirmation” is my top love language (Thank you, Gary Chapman).So it isn’t a stretch for me to chew on this ...
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April 10, 2015 ·

Imperfect But Enough

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“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” John 12:24After four years of marriage, I thought I was finally ready to be a mom. For some reason, we thought it would happen quickly. And so every month ...
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April 2, 2015 ·

When They Nailed Him to the Tree

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“Were you there, when they nailed him to the tree?Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?Wooo, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, trembleWere you there, when they crucified my Lord?" - William Eleazer Barton, Old Plantation Hymns (1899)Growing up this hymn was a favorite ...
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March 30, 2015 ·

For the Love Series: Use Your No

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As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I am part of the book launch team for Jen Hatmaker’s, “For the Love.” One of the things I am appreciating about this book is the difficult but necessary topics Jen is hitting on (along with a healthy dose of humor). As we continue towards August, when the book ...
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May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyo May you find the way home.🙏 #trysofter #takewhatyouneed #fawn #cptsd #stronglikewater 
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*This pattern can also occur with other types of relational trauma. However, it tends to be especially pertinent for survivors of childhood trauma due to the power differential of children with adults and the way kids often adapt by using hyper vigilance, over accommodation, over functioning, and/or fawning to navigate these environments.
Take What You Need // However this weekend finds y Take What You Need // However this weekend finds you, I hope you feel loved. 🫶🏻 #MothersDay #TrySofter #Cptsd #infertility #beloved
Learning to believe your own experience is a vital Learning to believe your own experience is a vital part of healing from relational trauma, especially experiences like narcissistic abuse. For survivors, it’s often been safer to discount your internal world than it is to believe yourself. And this makes sense, because we were wired for connection. But connection was never meant to be a weapon and it’s only when we start to be grounded in reality that we can untangle love or friendship from harm. 
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As we begin to have to have capacity to honor the truth of our experience, we develop the inner trust to live more and more in alignment. May it be so.
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If it feels like a resource, this practice is for you. #takewhatyouneed #trysofter #stronglikewater #beloved #cptsd
Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, Well, I don’t know how your week is ending (ahem, greetings to you Maycemeber); but I have found myself full up. I have been full with a whole bunch of goodness; good work, but also intensity. Projects and commitments that require a me that is grounded, resourced, & clear. It’s often in those times that I especially remember we are invited to do the gentle & fierce work of keeping our eyes out for goodness. Even the smallest bits matter. What a paradox; its goodness & beauty & connection that help fuel us to meet the difficult demands of being a human. And particularly as a trauma survivor, I am reminded that I, that each of us, get to participate in our own repair. What sacred work. 
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If it feels like a resource, I’ll leave you with this:
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May mercy and goodness ground you in your body, your relationships, and in your place. Made the co-regulating love of the God of the universe be in, above, and around you. May it lead you Home again + again.
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Thank you to @benrector for a fabulous concert. Grateful for my writing pal @ashlee_eiland & her amazing staff at Living Stones for being a wonderful & attentive audience today. Big love & gratitude to a husband (@bckolber) + kiddos who light up with joy alongside me, and thank you to @stewartdantec for sharing the fabulous James Baldwin quote.
Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving p Hand over heart // There’s no shame in surviving pain. Coming to honor the truth of our experience is not an indication of our weakness but a move toward deeper integration.🕯️
Sending love. #trysofter #fawn #beloved #stronglikewater #cptsd
Good morning 🌿 Take what you need.🙏 . Inhale: My Good morning 🌿 
Take what you need.🙏
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Inhale: My work is not to prove myself
Exhale: It’s to be myself 
#beloved #trysofter #compassionateattention #stronglikewater #takewhatyouneed
For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻 #trysofter #lovenotest For you, if you need it. 🫶🏻
#trysofter #lovenotestomynervoussystem #stronglikewater #selfcompassion #takewhatyouneed
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